I have written before about helicopter parenting and the problems it can cause in a troubled teen. But it is more than just letting them make mistakes and learn from them. You have to teach teens, all teens, about the importance of honest empathy. It is our job as parents to step in and instill that all-important skill in our children.
Empathy Is A Skill Developed Over Time
Empathy is not an inherent ability in young people. It actually takes time and effort for teenagers to learn that skill, and it will develop over time. We as parents can help nurture that quality, making it stronger, and providing context as to its importance as they move through life.
So, how do we do that?
Be Persuasive, Not Aggressive
The first step is to never use aggression when you are dealing with your teen. In an excellent article in Psychology Today, Ugo Uche speaks about the need to avoid violence in all its forms. I certainly agree, though it goes beyond just physical confrontation.
One of many videos floating around on social media today dealing with public punishment shows a father proudly smashing his son’s XBox in response to the boy stealing. The alternative, the father states, is to have his son whipped with a belt.
This is, to me, an abhorrent show of aggression, and one that will stop his son from empathizing with others who have wronged him in the future.
Live By Example
Listen to kids talk about politics. No, seriously…you will be amazed at the things they say, especially around an election. That isn’t because they have serious views of political ideologies, but because they parrot what their parents say. And many times, teenagers do the same.
Our children, no matter their ages, pick up cues from us as they grow. If we live by example, we can teach them empathy without trying.
Ask Them To Put Themselves In Another Person’s Shoes
This may be the most effective means of teaching empathy I have found. You simply ask them when they do something, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” Children, and teens by extension, are very narcissistic. This is simply a part of their development, and natural. So by placing them in someone’s shoes, it shows them a line towards that thinking. Before long, they will be asking themselves the same question.
In fact, my kids now use the same question to explain to others why they are hurt by their actions. It is a question that pays it forward.
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