Happy v. Delulu: A Beginner’s Guide to Falling Feet First Into Your New Crush

There is nothing inherently more scary than when things with your new crush seem too good to be true.

And I’m not talking a series of fleeting moments of crazy happiness surrounded by dips in the dark and anxiety, I’m talking all day long serenity sprinkled by sparkles of joy at consistent texts and video calls.

A feeling of full blown serenity, of balance, of peace.

Now imagine being a 30-something woman who has been dabbling in the world of dating looking for happiness for the previous 30-something years. This feels a little bit surreal, perhaps too good to be true.

Am I supposed to be scared?

Am I supposed to be happy?

What is it exactly that I should be feeling at this point?

I don’t want to feel emotionally unbalanced hence I’m happy but also a bit disillusioned. I believe and I don’t.

Quick recap:

He said he just wanted to have fun, I told him I liked him more than that, he changed his mind and actions and went all in on getting to know me. No promises were made on either side except we just explore each other and see how it goes.

All of this from an app and on video calls, we have yet to meet in real life.

You seem quite naif for someone with your job — he said.

I guess I am a little bit, perhaps I am a romantic…

The truth is I’m not naive per se, however I am incredibly trusting.

My therapist says I see things with extreme clarity and I know day one how things are gonna go, except I never seem to act upon my knowledge.

We could say I’m a romantic, but I do know that there is a high probability this will not work out in the end. There’s the romance, the potential dramatic ending.

And then, there is that crazy part of me that thinks — perhaps it will.

(If you’ve been reading me for a while, you already know this part.)

Welcome to the magic world of Delulu.

There is absolutely nothing more scary than when a person who has put several red flags out there changes their course of action based on your honest and transparent conversation about what you want.

I told him what I want and he said okay. Let’s do this.

Do people actually change?

Can they become available when initially they simply are not?

He became present, consistent, incredibly sweet, super cute.

He calls me in the evening, we wake up together and have coffee, he texts during the day, he switched the conversation from sexual to actually wanting to get to know me (with a few moments here and there initiated also by me).

He asks about my day, not just superficially, he wants to learn the ins and outs of what I do, of my job, of my life, of my values.

He wants to get to know me.

He also shares a lot about himself. Stories from the past, what he believes in, his dreams, his aspirations, his goals, his priorities.

I don’t feature in the priorities list at the moment but it has only been a little over a week, I feel like we can take a bit of time considering that I feature all over his life and schedule.

My therapist literally said:

‘I can tell you how it will end. I can tell you because you just told me, so you already know.’

But do I know?

Should I be dreaming a little?

Can the future change?

Should I be leaning into this?

It is taking up a lot of my time and mind, is it worth it?

Can you truly ever know if it’s worth it if we don’t jump all in and try?

Brief parenthesis — he is the cutest.

J has a smile that literally takes your breath away. We laugh like crazy, every moment is fun, special, deep, we get each other, we have the same exact sense of humor and I’m afraid similar positives and negatives.

Honestly, I’m happy. Perhaps a little too happy to fall into a ‘safe’ scenario, but also not so lost I’m unrecoverable.

The truth behind Delulu

Behind Delulu with the pink lenses trying to live happy endings in stories that haven’t even started is a girl who had a dream. A dream to love and to be loved. A dream to share her life with someone exceptional in unique ways. A dream to find a home in a person.

A dream to build hand in hand with her man.

A dream to be taken care of, to feel warmth, to feel safe.

A girl who decided not to settle for something mediocre.

I was born to love, perhaps it’s time I also choose to be loved.

I know with certainty that when absolutely every single friend tells you to go slow, something Delulu is thinking must be off. Everyone did. My therapist went even a step further, she told me it’s doomed.

So here I am. Happy.

Perhaps I’m not so happy that it would take me a month to pick myself up from the fall, however I am happy enough that I want to fly to Portugal.

I am opening up. I think a bit slower than usual but who is to say when the situation escalates.

I’m trying to do this right, I’m trying to take it slow. And it’s hard my friends, very hard.

He is just…delicious.

Like any sane 30-something woman, I decided to ask ChatGpt the difference between Happy and Delulu.

Here is what it said:

Happiness feels light, Delulu feels urgent

When you’re happy, you’re present. You can enjoy a conversation, a laugh, a coffee, without spiraling into “what does this mean for us?”
When you’re delulu, you’re future-tripping. Already imagining anniversaries before you’ve had a first date IRL.

Happiness makes you calm, Delulu makes you anxious

Happiness: you feel safe, even if you don’t know what comes next.
Delulu: your stomach drops if he doesn’t text for three hours.

Happiness respects red flags, Delulu paints them pink

Happiness: you notice inconsistencies and file them away, ready to bring them up if needed.
Delulu: you twist them into “well, maybe that means he really cares.”

Happiness is about you, too, Delulu is only about him

Happiness: you’re still living your life, your routines, your friendships.
Delulu: your entire schedule, mood, and self-worth hinge on his attention.

Fundamentally, happy you feels grounded, even when floating, delulu you feels like you’re building a castle on quicksand and calling it home.

So what am I?

‘From your post, I’d say you’re somewhere in the in-between space — and that’s why it feels so dizzying.’

Here’s why:

You’re self-aware: you literally write “I know with certainty… my therapist told me it’s doomed” and still pause to ask yourself “But do I know?” That awareness isn’t delulu — it’s grounded.
You’re trusting and hopeful: you admit you fall quickly, you want love, you want to believe in magic. That’s the delulu glow talking.
You’re setting boundaries: you promise yourself not to fight for someone who isn’t fighting for you. That’s happiness with guardrails.
You’re already imagining Portugal: that’s… let’s call it a cute delulu flourish.

Let’s make a survival plan

As always, the best way to survive is to recenter when gravity is faltering.

Let me make a promise to myself: I will not fight for a relationship that isn’t fighting for me.

If the situation presents itself once again where I feel anxiety, where something feels off, I will address it openly and exit at the first signs of any type of toxicity or unavailability.