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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
The Love Life Podcast: Commitment and Situationships
Welcome back to the Love Life podcast! I’m Matthew Hussey, and my wife, Audrey Hussey, is here with me today. We’re going to tackle a listener question focused on commitment and a listener’s desire to exit a situationship.
So many of you have been emailing us about commitment, expressing frustrations about the challenges of finding people who truly want to commit. I’m excited to share that I’ll be answering this topic in depth on October 22nd during a live global event. You can join absolutely free at lovelifetraining.com. If you’re tired of casual hookups and situationships that lead nowhere, you don’t want to miss it!
To kick things off, it’s October 16th, and you know what that means—it’s spooky season! Audrey, my mom, and Steven are all set to visit a haunted house. We went two years ago and had an absolute blast! Coming from England, I was surprised by how seriously Americans take Halloween. There’s just something about it!
Last time we went, one of our friends ended up in a closet during the event, and I still can’t forget how freaky that was! Speaking of spooky…
We’ve been getting some really interesting emails, and many relate to behaviors in relationships that are quite spooky indeed. Today, we have a listener question from Amanda, who bravely shares her experience.
Amanda’s Situationship
Amanda has been caught in a situationship for almost two years and is trying to determine whether it’s worth continuing. She writes, “Hi there! I’ve been involved in this situationship where we go on trips together, meet each other’s friends, and discuss our personal lives, yet he’s not ready for a relationship.”
It’s perplexing when someone feels like a boyfriend or girlfriend but won’t fully commit. What are our thoughts on this?
Amanda mentioned that you both regularly affirm that you don’t want to see other people and you like each other. However, it’s concerning that he still isn’t ready for a relationship after two years. This isn’t just a fleeting connection; it’s significant time spent together, which raises questions about where the relationship stands.
Let’s break this down. It’s possible he keeps a foot out of the door to avoid fully committing. This behavior can feel emotionally manipulative, as he can claim he never promised a relationship. However, Amanda, you also need to recognize part of the responsibility lies with you.
You might be making excuses for his behavior because it’s easier to believe he has commitment issues than to accept that he potentially isn’t right for you.
You’re likely experiencing some cognitive dissonance here. After two years, you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship, making it hard to walk away. We often find ourselves adhering to the sunk cost fallacy, thinking, “I’ve invested so much already; I can’t just let that go.”
That’s a tough place to be.
Moreover, Amanda, you must look at your feelings honestly. It seems to me you might love him, but are you really being loved back? He might give you what feels like a sandwich in lieu of breadcrumbs, but you’re still not receiving the full meal—a genuine commitment and emotional investment.
Time for Reflection
As long as you continue in this pattern, you might be approving his behavior instead of challenging it. Think about what he is learning from this dynamic. If you stay, what lesson does he learn? You have to ask yourself why, if he wasn’t ready in year two, you think he would magically be ready in year three.
Let’s not kid ourselves—staying won’t break the pattern. The more you stay, the more you cement it.
Yes, leaving this situation will be painful. You’ll grieve the relationship you thought you had. But that pain can lead to transformation. The pain of staying is a chronic kind that won’t help you grow; it’ll keep you stuck.
In the process of leaving, you can reclaim your reality and start on a new path that allows for genuine relationships.
Speaking of this topic, remember we have our live event on October 22nd! This session is all about gaining commitment and understanding how to navigate the often murky waters of modern relationships. Join us at lovelifetraining.com.
To wrap up, Amanda, I applaud your courage in sharing your story. It’s common to be in your shoes, feeling torn between fear of loneliness and wanting more. Just know, by stepping away from what’s not serving you, you allow space for what truly aligns with your desires.
Thank you for tuning in, and as always, love life!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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