Here’s Why It’s Impossible to Love an Emotionally Damaged Man

An old friend once told me how her husband disrespects her in front of their guests and in public.

One day, we went shopping together. On our way home, we bumped into her husband. He requested we join him for lunch.

My friend tried to make up an excuse because she wanted to avoid triggering her husband’s temper, but her husband insisted.

I was shocked when my friend’s husband asked for my number. He was shamelessly bold — complimenting my boobs in front of his wife.

I was embarrassed and walked out on him. My friend tried to follow, but he pulled her back into the chair before she could take a second step.

I was already irritated by his arrogance, so I left without defending my friend. I didn’t have the energy to get into a lovers’ quarrel.

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Another friend came crying to me about her husband and his mistresses; how he brings in other women into their bedroom without her consent.

He will have her sleep in the children’s bedroom whenever his girlfriend spends the night in their house.

What pains me more is that my friends are not some low lifers without jobs or integrity.

They are high-value intelligent women with secured financial investments. Women with a respectable reputation based on their consistency to keep their words.

They are known amongst their friends and family as people who are dependable. Women who show self-respect, class, appreciation, and etiquette. They don’t let their moods affect their manners.

They were both raised in strong religious homes. One is a Muslim who does believe divorce brings shame to the woman.

While the second one is a devoted Catholic who thinks a man has the right to carry as many wives as he wants.

Most women tolerate men who treat them as trash either out of love or duty. They think they are responsible for the man’s emotions, to keep him happy at all times.

If your man isn’t respecting your feelings and values in the relationship, it is partly your fault.

When you love someone, you want them to show you the same affection and respect you give them. But that’s not the case with broken people.

Women often see the potential in broken men. They fall in love with the pieces, believing they can help him heal or bring out the man he used to be.

There’s something raw and vulnerable about him that tugs at the heartstrings, like he’s a puzzle only she can solve.

Plus, the moments when he lets his guard down feel so real and intimate, it’s hard to walk away.

It’s not about fixing him, but about believing in his strength, even when he doesn’t. It’s both beautiful and heartbreaking.

However, a broken man often carries wounds from past experiences — heartbreak, betrayal, or even his own struggles with self-worth. It’s like he’s built walls to protect himself from getting hurt again.

Commitment feels risky to him because it means being vulnerable, and that’s scary when you’ve been burned before.

When you are in a romantic relationship with someone, you cannot control what they think.

You can partially control what they do, but you have full control over how you respond to their words and actions.

So if you are dating or married to someone who does not value you as much as you value them, you need to decide what to do.

You can choose to do nothing and continue tolerating their excesses, or you can choose to leave them and find someone else who will value you.

These choices may sound easy, but they are not. Because when you are in love, your mind will come up with excuses to discard the red flags you see.

One of the qualities that define a long and healthy relationship is mutual respect.

You know that you have a partner for life, and for as long as there is mutual trust, respect, and consideration. Your relationship can only flourish from there.

A good man will make it clear that he values your partnership by how he treats you and talks to you.

But if a man takes you for granted — he does not value you or your feelings, and he cares less about your opinion, well, it is time for him to experience the deep pain of losing you.

If your man expects you to drop everything to adhere to his schedule, that’s a sign that he’s taking your time, availability, and interest for granted.

If this is a frequent habit, talk to him about it.

Let him know he should speak to you first before making any plan that involves you so that your schedule is as prioritized as his.

If your man makes you feel bad for expressing how you feel, that’s a problem. Whether he picks his friends over you, makes decisions he knows will upset you, or acts like a jerk — if he always disrespects you without feeling guilty for his actions, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship at once.

He should contribute to your happiness and well-being, not destroy them. If you feel like you’re being taken for granted in this regard, it may be time to move on.

Men are built with a hero instinct.

They seek relationships that allow them to feel like protectors. If he doesn’t defend you for external or internal attacks, obviously, he doesn’t value your worth in his life.

When your man doesn’t protect you from the little and big things in life, you should be worried about his intentions.

Just because a man looks good, wears a shiny new suit, wears a pair of alligator boots from Tomford, drives a shiny new car, and has a new Rolex on his wrist doesn’t mean he’s a good man.

A man who is overly concerned with himself and his material things has no room to value you. He will always put his needs before yours.

Money, work, and self-image will always be their priority before their feeling for you.

If he tries to buy your love or sex by showering you with gifts, you can be sure he sees you as a cheap woman with no self-worth.

A man who values you will always make an effort to bridge communication gaps in your relationship.

Some people are bad with communication. When you send them a text, they take forever to reply, that is, if they reply at all.

Some won’t call you for days, and when you do, they never return your call until they need something from you.

If your man always makes excuses for missing appointments with you, not returning your calls or texts on time, that’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore.

Most women tolerate things in the name of love which ruins their happiness and chances of finding someone more deserving of them.

You need to feel safe and comfortable enough to be around your man and not walk on eggshells all the time.

If her man always threatens to end the relationship whenever you have a fight, no matter how small the problem, it’s a sign that you are wasting your time with an emotionally damaged man.

He will never value your worth, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept his offer, break up with him and move on.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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