Here’s Why You’ll Never Be Everyone’s Cup of Tea (and Why It’s Totally Okay)

 

This seems to be the trend in the digital space:

A random person uploads content out of pure curiosity, and before they know it, they’ve taken over (well, almost) a massive slice of the social platform.

That’s the story of a certain teenage girl who was interviewed by Buzzfeed some time back.

The interviewer asked the teen celeb with over 10M followers how she dealt with the online malice and hate.

As she read through the nasty comments, she told the reporter,

“It doesn’t bother me. But it bothers her.”

Then pointed at her mom. She was right, it seemed.

The look on mommy’s face was a mask of worry.

As a mom, I can imagine how it must feel knowing that your kid has living, breathing haters and trolls.

And haters who are relentless in ripping your kid’s reputation, self-worth, and esteem to shreds.

To be honest, I was worried too.

This young girl is building her life in a very volatile space. She’s vulnerable to attacks 24/7.

Then it hit me.

We’re not that much different from her. We all have people who hate us for a myriad of reasons, real or imagined.

It’s very easy to think we’re safe because our lives aren’t as exposed. The truth? We’re all vulnerable to hate, judgment and prejudice.

…

You’ll never have control over how someone feels about you.

As a former people pleaser, I almost sacrificed myself trying hard to stay on the good side of people.

I went to parties that left me bored to death. Oh, did I mention that I yawned constantly?

This is how you know you should be very far from such places. I’d have preferred to be in my bed. Tucked in and cozy.

But I was miss goody two shoes, and I wanted to be liked! I yearned for it. (insert those irresistible puppy eyes)

Sad. I know. But the worst part?

My sacrifice and compromise didn’t move anyone. Nothing was ever good enough for their standards. I still didn’t qualify to be in their circles.

I’m willing to bet you’ve been in these same shoes at some point.

You tried hard until you woke up one day and realized that no matter what you do, there will always be someone who won’t like you.

…

You sometimes remind people of what they wish they had but don’t have.

It can get a bit confusing when on the one hand, you’re told to work hard and attain something, but when you do, you’re ripped apart. Right?

This is why most people shun away from celebrating themselves and choose to belittle themselves in the name of humility.

One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older:

Demeaning and belittling yourself is as dangerous as being proud and arrogant.

There’s no nobility in either. Nada.

So many times, we cram ourselves in little boxes called humility to the extent of stifling ourselves.

But what do we gain?

What’s the joy in always putting your face down? Nothing. Nada.

Look, I’m all for humility.

But I’m also all for celebrating wins and not allowing guilt or shame anywhere near me.

The legendary Mohammed Ali said,

“It’s not bragging if you can prove it.”

But as you take pride in what you’ve achieved, please remember that you’ll stir up some unwanted emotions in people, and they’ll lash out.

So many people live in regret, fear, low self-esteem, and insecurity, and the best way they know to make up for this is through hate and mudslinging.

If someone can’t handle your shine, it shows they have deep-rooted insecurities that they need to deal with.

One of my favorite teachers used to say,

“It takes away nothing from you to celebrate someone else’s win. In fact, you may learn a few things about how they got there in the first place.”

Insecure people need to look within themselves. If they can’t, it’s on them.

Imagine what a beautiful world this would be if we all became happy for each other rather than throw spears when we find out they have something we don’t?

…

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

You bring about memories and feelings that people are running away from.

Three facts about us:

Most of us are running from the demons of our past.

Some of us have made peace with the demons of our past.

The rest of us are spooked by what we see in others because they remind us of our demons.

If you’ve ever been disliked for reasons you can’t put your finger on, it’s probably because your perpetrators fall in the latter category.

When people don’t find ways of healing past trauma, inadequacies, and shortfalls, they’ll always find someone to dump their shortfalls on.

Maybe you remind them of the sister who always got it right while they failed. Perhaps you remind them of a friend who excelled in school.

Anything could trigger these feelings of dislike and hate, and you’ll never even know how to help them.

…

If you understand that many people are projecting their insecurities, you’ll drop the urge to justify yourself.

Sally and Ella worked together years ago.

But after Sally accused Ella of stealing and pitching her ideas to the boss, their friendship died.

Years later, they stumbled upon each other at their kids’ school.

By then, maturity had taken over. What had been a big deal before didn’t carry that much weight anymore.

Sally came clean.

She confessed that she was never confident in her work, had been deeply jealous of Ella’s brilliant ideas, and was trying to sabotage her efforts.

I wasn’t there to see Ella’s face, but I can imagine it was nothing but shock and disbelief.

The truth?

Sally’s are everywhere.

In your office, church, WhatsApp group, committee, extended family, name it.

However, your goal shouldn’t be to eliminate them. Hint: You can’t.

It shouldn’t even be to understand them. You’ll need a lifetime for that.

Your goal should be to keep moving on regardless.

…

Too many people have sold themselves short for fear of random strangers.

They don’t openly speak their minds.

But suppressing your feelings for fear of rocking the boat means subjecting yourself to a mediocre existence.

How can you become who you were meant to be if you are never authentic?

As a Christian, I always read scriptures that ask us to be strong, courageous, and bold.

Biblical giants faced haters and all sorts of opposition, but they marched through life armed with swords of bravery.

They slew dragons and walked on fire. (metaphorically, of course)

It’s time we stopped minimizing ourselves for others.

You’ll never be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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