Reflecting on the loss of his mentor B.O.L.D member Andre Dandridge shares the three points from the Young Father’s Code that represented Kahlil Wasson’s dedication to fatherhood.
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In 1995 when I became a father while still a college student I went to talk with my friend and mentor, Kahlil Wasson. He was the only person I knew who had a son, and actually took care of him.
In one of our candid conversations, he told me flat out:
“Dre’ you have to get your shit in order … all this hanging out in the streets has to be put on the back burner … you got to take care of that baby!”
I took his words to heart, as I had watched him do his absolute best to be involved in the lives of his sons; he poured all of himself into those boys. Throughout the years Kahlil and I had many talks regarding the importance of fatherhood, mainly being a present and powerful figure in our children’s lives. Inspired by his character and integrity, I set out to launch NewYoungFathers.com; he was one of my silent advisers.
The last time Kahlil and I spoke he said:
“Coming from where we come from, and going through what we’ve been through, these corporate types have no idea how strong we truly are.”
He was right; I have to be strong now, as I’m dealing with the loss of Kahlil, my brother; my mentor; my friend. In remembering him and our conversations—which inspired NewYoungFathers.com’s Young Father’s Code—I wanted to share three of the 10 points that represent his dedication to fatherhood.
YFC #2: I will take full responsibility in my role as a father and teach my children about life: A young father must first define what he thinks is responsible behavior. If he just repeats the lifestyle of his dad, uncles, or brothers, he could find himself in trouble; what if the males in the family were idiots who made bad decisions? Point #2 is of great benefit to young fathers because it forces them to first learn about life in every aspect while raising children. Furthermore, they’ll realize they already have a wealth of knowledge and experiences to share, like how to run, swim, cross the street, pray, dance, cook, and read.
YFC #5: I will tell my children I love them from my mouth and show my children I love them from my actions: As a young father I learned humility when was I forced to sell water to prevent my children from going to bed hungry. There were other options, like selling dope, stealing, or being a gun for hire, but none of those would have led to the outcomes I wanted for myself or my family. I loved my children enough to take a menial position and ensure I’ll always be home.
YFC #9: I will never abandon my children: I had many “relationships” with women as a young man, but I had a bad habit of not communicating at all once the relationship was over. But when you have children with a woman, an abrupt cut in communication can’t happen; you still have to deal with her in some fashion to develop and grow the bond you have with your kids. Don’t let grown-up issues get in the way of fostering strong bonds with your young ones. It’s much easier said than done, I know, because I had to humble myself—again—in order to stay in the life of my daughter. To my young fathers out there: DON’T GIVE UP! Sometimes your pockets get low, or you have arguments with the child’s mother, or you get a new woman in your life. Whatever the case may be, don’t allow anything to get in the way of you and your children’s development. Be there, be present: even when you don’t feel like it!!
CLICK HERE to read the entire Young Father’s Code!
Thanks for reading!
B.O.L.D member Andre Dandridge is a father, husband and 2012 BMe Leader.
DOWNLOAD NOW: The Black His-Story Book: A Collection of Narratives from Black Male Mentors, presented in part by GoodMenProject.com.
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Photo: Ste Elmore/Flickr