“We need to stop expecting other women to help us just because we’re women, too.”
Critics and viewers lauded Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s hosting job at the Golden Globes this year. The rave reviews agreed their timing was flawless, their writing was smart, and their charm was undeniable. What should have been a celebration of women in comedy became a stereotypical catfight thanks to one attendee who was less than impressed with their comedic performance. Taylor Swift did not take well to the hosts’ jab at her well-documented romantic foibles. In an interview with Vanity Fair, Swift responded to the joke by referring to a pearl of wisdom offered to her by Katie Couric, noting that “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
Aside from the ways in which Swift’s statement makes her look like someone who takes herself far too seriously (particularly in light of the fact that the reason we are so familiar with her love life is that she has made millions of dollars writing songs about it), there are myriad problems with her statement. Surely Swift would not argue that female comedians can only make jokes about men. And what exactly does she mean by “help,” anyway? Why would Fey and Poehler aim to help or hurt anyone in an awards show monologue? Perhaps most disturbing, however, is the idea that women should be helping women just because they’re women. The concept reeks of sexism, and undermines the ability of women to achieve on their own merits.
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The relationship of women with other women is fraught with allegations of cattiness, competition, and childishness. This “feud” between Fey, Poehler, and Swift demonstrates the way some women believe the “sisterhood” of gender should provide a safe haven, thereby rendering them immune from criticism or, in this case, harmless jokes. I’m also curious about Katie Couric’s intention in making this statement in the first place, assuming she actually did. Surely, she wouldn’t argue that “helping” other women means turning a blind eye to their flaws in the name of some unspoken vagina-related bond. I think it’s safe to say Sarah Palin would reserve a spot in that “special place in hell” for Couric after the much-lampooned (by Fey!) interview she did during the 2008 presidential campaign where she appeared, well, less than prepared.
The complicated relationship women have with each other has played out recently in the media coverage of Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy. The obsession with her “bump” has become fodder for countless magazines who either claim she is gaining weight at the rate of approximately five pounds a day or that she is desperately trying to stay thin during the pregnancy and already planning her tummy tuck for the “post-baby bod” covers that will inevitably follow. Curiously, women have been writing articles about how even though Kardashian has made a career of broadcasting (literally) her life, this “fat-shaming” is bad for women. I think everyone agrees that calling people fat simply to flog them in the public square is mean-spirited and fruitless. But who buys these magazines? Women.
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Perhaps when demonizing the media for printing these stories, we could also consider why they do it. Celebrity and pop cultures magazines will not print stories they don’t think women want to read. We love nothing more than to watch the women we covet for their beauty succumb to the reality of gestation and childbirth. When they somehow manage to get back into their size 2 jeans six weeks after they give birth, we snarkily refer to their private chefs, plastic surgery, and celebrity spas. “Well, if I had a million dollars and a chef, I could lose the weight too,” we cry. If you don’t like the stories these magazines and entertainment shows produce, don’t consume them.
For me, these two examples connect in the ways women navigate their relationship with other women. We want women to be considered just as funny as men, but don’t allow any of those jokes to be about one of us. We want to simultaneously be angry with the media for “fat-shaming” Kim Kardashian, but we clamor to buy the next In Touch Magazine to vote on which celebrity wore an outfit “best” (and, implicitly, who looks like crap in the outfit). Our sisterhood is rife with contradictions, and we need to stop expecting other women to help us just because we’re women too. This does not help our cause and it reinforces gender stereotypes. The last thing we need is to be the perpetrators of the sexism we fight against.
For the record: the Fey and Poehler joke was funny, Swift needs to learn how to take a joke and contextualize advice from her mentors, and Kim Kardashian is not fat–she’s just pregnant. If you consume the content that pits women against each other, then you’re a part of the problem. Instead of reading about Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy diet, you could be writing a song about how you are “never, ever, ever, getting back together” with someone. Or something.
Featured image–Flickr/DonkeyHotey
“The last thing we need is to be the perpetrators of the sexism we fight against.”…but you already ARE, and have always been, the perpetrators of the sexism we fight against.
I think we underestimate the challenges we will face when the conversation about men and women shifts from the old platitudes to generally admitting that what we now share is a deep feeling of ignorance and disorientation. To me, The Good Men Project is a lot about healthily admitting ignorance, an example of how the Web may play a crucial role as an antidote against the dangers of mass perplexity and fascism. A world in which women do not automatically envy each other is not necessarilly a world without envy, or without mass culture. All that we know about this… Read more »
This article has done so much to help make me a better man…jeez, come on
Saitek, what’s your main issue with the article?
Don’t you think men should have a voice about the things they see in women that aren’t always positive qualities?
I posted a reply Erin: But the mods didn’t like it
“Our sisterhood is rife with contradictions…”
Very true….it seems all the inter-female snarkiness serves to destroy women, like piranhas feeding on their own….as if there is a scarcity of good men and we are all competing for such limited resources….
Sometimes I will walk into a room and I can feel the eyes scrutinizing me…my shoes …my clothes… etc….
I’m a little disappointed in this article. As a fan of the challenge shows on MTV I am familiar with the dynamic that men and women tend to have on that show alone and would think you would see that men will stand up for other men way more than they will for women. Women tend to look out for themselves. Your right women shouldn’t just back a woman because she is a woman. But a lot of women don’t back up women because they are women. If women had what the African American community had with the NAACP in… Read more »
Looking at this as a man, it seems to me that it is not competition per se that is the issue. I have found competition to be an incredibly enriching force in my life. Competition encourages me and pushes me to play to my strengths. I have also found that competition can be great at producing respect for those with whom you compete. In competing with them, you explore their strengths and start to admire them for them. Competition strengthens and develops my sense of agency, which is central to my identity. In competing with someone I seek to outperform… Read more »
Oh hell yes. It does happen amongst men too though, I think it happens when one gender is a majority in an area. Men can at times get into those pissing contests and quite a lot of aggression can arise, but probably more open aggression vs the passive n subtle stuff.
Alastair, I agree that women can “gain a lot from learning the value of healthy competition”. I also agree with the premise of “envy” existing in women at unhealthy levels. I think the very media that a lot of women consume plays into that. Generally speaking, I believe the world sells women as a product of lust for men and as a product of envy for other women to live up to. Kim K is sold as the woman men want to be with and as the woman other women should want to be. I don’t like how much celebrity… Read more »
Thank you for the thoughtful observations in response to my comment, Erin. To clarify, I wasn’t saying that women should detach from their identity, but rather that they should have ways of detaching their identity from contexts of stifling intimacy, within which relationships will be much more volatile, where people who stand out will be more likely to be torn down, and where there is less scope for the explorations of strengths but an emphasis upon vulnerabilities. Intimacy and the sharing of vulnerabilities are incredibly important for all of us, male and female alike. However, power, leadership, and success don’t… Read more »