Because I installed an over the range microwave all by myself. In the process, I sliced my finger. The only band-aids in the house were Disney’s “Cars” and they do not fit over my Dad Sausage fingers. I had to use scotch tape to hold on the band-aid.
Because my daughter climbs out of her bed and sleeps on the floor. She’s big enough that I am the only one in the house that can lift her up like a sack of potatoes and put her back into bed. Last night she decided that she didn’t want to sleep in her own bed so she climbed in with us. She promptly kicked me in the balls, dead on, while she was climbing in.
Because my son has the philosophy that the only way to wake a man up is to jump on his face and ask “Are you awake yet?”
(It’s quite effective.)
Because when I stub my toe, and it is often, I am not allowed to cuss.
Because Dad always gets the big piece of chicken.
Because Dad always gives away the last bite of ice cream.
Because I am the only person in the house capable of killing a spider.
Because no one else knows how to use a plunger.
Because my kids know the names of all the Simpsons’ characters.
Because in one of my video games my daughter demands that I save the demon spawn bunnies instead of shooting them.
Because I am not allowed to dress my children for any special occasion, ever. I can dress them to go hiking because they will be mistaken for woodland creatures, but not for family pictures.
Because I am extremely proud of the fact I can do a ponytail, a skill that millions of women do millions of times a day. I am putting it on my resume.
Because I believe that “a side of meat” is a good companion dish with the main course, which is meat.
Because I will drink out of a sippy cup rather than to get my own glass of water.
Because chicks dig scars and so do kids.
Because I can kick the bogeyman’s ass.
Because I believe that getting dirty is a good indicator of how much fun we are having.
Because I make cookies with a pair of pliers.
Because I know that there are no problems that cannot be solved with a good nail gun.
Because my 4-year-old daughter wants to put a sign on her door that says “no boys” and I am encouraging that.
Because I can make the rain stop every time we go underneath a bridge.
Because I don’t plan on ever telling them the truth of the rain stopping trick.
Because if someone has to take the blame, I’m your man.
Because the phrase “don’t go on the roof” does not apply to me.
Because if there is a bump in the night, I am the one who is “volunteered” to go see what it is. And I arm myself with a child’s Barbie.
Because I know the words to so many goofball songs, and I sing them with enthusiasm including big arm movements, jazz hands and show-stopping dance numbers. Old McDonald, scene one, act one.
Because without me, how would the children know what a cannonball looks like?
Because my kids need me to be their father, and I can think of no better reason than that.
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Originally Published on Hossman-at-home