Would you say that you value your time on the toilet?
If a sports complex isn’t next to a sports complex, are you even trying?
“Hi, my name is Shannon and I need to check on the status of my Mancard. I don’t think it’s working.”
And there’s plenty more I don’t like about being a dad.
Jim, “The Wonder Dog” is out there. Go find him.
For me, it’s not a vacation. It’s a religious journey to prove to myself that I can take it.
I’m not hitting on you, just trying to set up a playdate.
The world is burned and all that is left is an empty pie tin.
Begin by separating who is going to be the most annoying into piles.
I want to kill my lawn mower but it just won’t die.
Father’s Day is about appreciating and giving thanks to those men who defined the term “involved father” before it was even a thing.
True cloaking technology will be invented by a husband who is trying to avoid cleaning mom.
Please feel free to inform the sex authorities of my failures as a parent.
When you lose a dog, you overcome everything to find him.
I tried to warn my wife. I honestly did.
Even fathers have a hard time saying goodbye.