Look over here kids, I have flashcards!
This laundry hellscape that our world has become happened much more quickly than one would have thought.
Why this father doesn’t believe his daughter is ready for Instagram.
In his world, there is a hierarchy. There’s me, the great and powerful Dad. And then there is him, the dog that cleans up puke.
No shirt made for any woman will ever stay on a hanger unless there is some sort of magic involved.
I’m just like the celebrity on Instagram.
Because we are men, and men don’t talk about how they feel.
Maybe you can call back ten or twelve times and then we can think about helping you.
I’ve made better choices in life.
Immediately tell your wife how to feel, and I’m sure it will work out for you as well as it did for me.
Maintaining the peace with all the false confidence of a false prophet.
When I’m lucky, who I was and who my kids are line up perfectly.
She’ll never know that her father is only big and strong because she thinks so.
Kidney stones cannot be intimidated.
Because no one else knows how to use a plunger.
My sanity depends on the purple paci!