The game: she pretends to be his girlfriend, but the money he pays for the experience is real. What’s more, everything happens online.
Welcome to the biggest factory of illusions ever invented: the internet!
The girlfriend experience, which is pretty much receiving payment for roleplaying being somebody’s girlfriend, with all the emotional, social, and sexual intimacy that entails, has long before crossed the boundary into the realm of the virtual.
You’d think this is something that can only be done face-to-face. But a mountain of cam girl sites and remote girlfriend platforms would beg to differ.
You can fake anything from anywhere. The only thing that needs to be real is the credit card.
No, this is not about sex work. It’s about the mechanisms and psychology behind love, manipulation, desire, and how attachment forms in the male mind.
For the sake of demonstration, I’m going to call the female protagonist Kandy and the male protagonist John. Appropriate, don’t you think?
Here’s what skilled Kandies do to get wealthy Johns to spend all their money on a fantasy of their own making:
1. They treat men like kings and position themselves as queens.
Kandy treats John like he’s an incredibly charismatic, smart, and amazing man. Every second they spend together, she builds on the notion of him being the king of the world.
But here is the twist: she still makes him jump through hoops for her.
Without John even realizing it, she positions herself as his superior.
If she convinces him he’s amazing, but he still has to work for her love, wouldn’t that mean she’s even more amazing than him? Oh, yes it would.
And since Kandy makes John feel like he always wanted to, he gets hooked on that feeling and decides to chase it. Jumping through hoops for her is suddenly in his best interest.
Men love women who demonstrate self-respect in a non-aggressive way.
A lot of people think otherwise and for obvious reasons, but that’s a misconception. While a woman with low self-esteem is great for a romp in the hay and for abusers who are looking for servants, men in general aren’t into doormats.
They’re into women who they feel are worth the trouble. Because in a man’s eyes, women are a lot of trouble.
2. They befriend the man and find out exactly what he’s into.
Both emotionally and sexually. And then they give him that.
Once Kandy figures out what John wants, she will turn into his ideal woman.
You’d think that’s difficult to do but actually, people are not that different.
It’s nothing more than playing a role.
And because not all actors can play all roles, or some actors are better suited for some roles, a key component for this to succeed is to have actual chemistry.
It’s so much easier to build on a real and natural match.
And I’m not talking about actual love or real attraction. But I am talking about people who went through similar life experiences.
If John was an only child and so was Kandy, it’s much easier to know exactly what he went through than if he had 7 siblings and they were a joyous immense family.
As for the sexual part, Kandy can never go wrong with pretending that John brings out the tigress in her.
She might be tea in the streets, but when John comes over, he suddenly turns her into whiskey in the sheets, with nothing else but the power of his charm. It works like…well, like a charm.
Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash
3. They let the man be the mentor.
Kandy looks into John’s eyes, gives him all her attention, and listens intently to what he has to say.
Being a wealthy man, John probably has a lot of life wisdom to share and I dare you to find any wealthy man who doesn’t like to talk and see the audience in awe of his words.
Or, let’s be serious here, any person, of any gender and any social status wants that. We all crave to see stars in someone’s eyes when they look at us.
So Kandy does just that: gives attention.
To a third party, the scene looks ludicrous. To John, it looks like a dream come true.
Finally! A woman who, unlike his bitter wife, wants to hear what he has to say. Somebody he can guide and mold towards a better life. Or guide and mold to his own liking. Usually a little bit of both.
No matter how bad an actress Kandy is, John is so drunk in love with the magnificence of his own words that he won’t even notice. He’ll only vaguely see the flicker in her eyes, the flutter of her long lashes, and a soft smile on her full lips and imagine himself the king of the world.
Kandy doesn’t have to do much. Actually, the less she does the better it is.
All Kandy needs to do is what women have been asking of men for ages: listen!
4. They offer top-quality services.
A wealthy man is used to having the best. He is also used to offers and requests coming at him from all directions and all he has to do is pick the best one. He can afford it.
That’s why Kandy needs to be crème de la crème, from the way she looks to the way she treats him to the way she performs sexually.
Kandy is a human relations expert, she looks like her body was forged in heaven by the hands of Zeus himself, and she is a porn goddess that beats Aphrodite at her own game.
What John buys is the experience of spending time in Kandy’s company. And the experience needs to be perfect, in all its details.
He is not buying meaningless sex, but the feeling of absolute power that he gets when he can make her orgasm.
He is not buying her augmented breasts in a tight dress, but the envy of other wealthy men who also crave her attention.
He is not buying fake smiles and empty compliments. What he wants is to get and give real emotion. The feeling that he is appreciated by somebody he also appreciates.
Anything below that is meaningless to him.
5. They are a ray of sunshine in the man’s life.
Kandy makes it all about him. She offers all the attention, all the praise, all the love. All John has to do is pay for them.
She never asks him to spend more time with her. She knows that if he wants to, he will. And if you keep bugging somebody to do something he doesn’t want to, you’ll just drive him away.
And it works out great. Because obviously, she doesn’t even want his actual company. But he wants hers. And he will feel compelled to pay for it.
When he comes over, she’s cheerful. She laughs at all his jokes. If he makes a stupid one, she smiles and waves it away as if he’s too cute to even get upset with.
She’s playful, lovable, and sensual. She non-aggressively initiates sex. John loves to feel wanted! When she blushes, looks down, and tells him in a soft voice that she can’t wait to feel him inside her, John nearly faints with happiness.
And then he brings out his big thick monster of a wallet.
6. They know how to keep the relationship going.
Kandy knows that if John were any good at relationships he’d have a real one.
But he either doesn’t want to try too hard in the real world or he just doesn’t know how to.
She also knows that she’ll have to do more than half the work to keep the relationship going and she doesn’t complain. The more she has him in her grip, the more money she gets out of him.
Kandy is well aware that the relationship will most probably end one day. People get bored of the same routine, tired of the same faces. Especially wealthy men like John, who are constantly bombarded with offers.
When the illusion wears thin, John leaves for greener pastures and new fantasies.
But until then, Kandy does everything in her power to keep him engaged.
She always sends him messages about what’s going on in her life, cute bunny ears selfies, what she had for dinner, and silly meaningless day-to-day trivialities.
These silly little attention grabbers are surprisingly powerful and John gets hooked on the constant interaction and her sweet presence.
Kandy keeps it at a very superficial level, though. Nothing real. Or at least nothing that actually means anything.
She will keep being the perfect woman that he adores being close to because she’s so divinely uncomplicated in his awfully complicated life.
He’s not looking for someone to make his life harder, so Kandy keeps the conversations about the meaning of life to herself.
Photo by Olga Zhushman on Unsplash
7. They never tell the truth.
Kandy treats the truth like it doesn’t even exist.
If any uncomfortable truth were to be mentioned, she will brush it off with a smile and an ‘omg, you’re crazy’ and change the conversation immediately.
When she’s with John, that pseudo-relationship is her truth. She knows this is a role she’s playing and she never steps out of character. John is not there for the authentic her, or real interaction.
If he were, he’d be looking for that from a woman he doesn’t need to pay to play nice. He is there for the illusion she so masterfully weaves.
The world that she creates so John can escape into. His safe place from the awfully real world out there. The perfect heaven that he craves: where there is no anger, no expectations, no masks. Well, at least he doesn’t need to wear one.
Perfect worlds cost a lot of money.
Illusion is a commodity that few can afford.
Behind the masks, the money, and the illusion, Kandy and John are real people. Looking for love, safety, and a way out of harsh reality.
John is willing to pay with his life savings to escape that reality. And Kandy is willing to pay with her youth and mental health.
Whether you find their relationship abhorring, whether you find her despicable and him disgusting, the truth of the situation is that we all try to escape our reality on a daily basis, through any means that we can.
Sure, we can’t all afford Kandy and we don’t all have her skill.
But maybe if we create a gentler world, John won’t need to pay women to fake a relationship with him and Kandy won’t need to web a world of lies to be able to feed her child or afford a home.
But until that happens, here we are.
John loves and needs Kandy’s world. And Kandy loves and needs John’s money. Each of them sells to the other the illusion of a better life.
The enhanced reality that they each crave. That we all crave. And in our own way, we are all willing to pay any price to have our illusion, even when we have to weave it ourselves.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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