Ladies! I have cracked it! How to be a Cool AP and Not One of Those Bitches
As a Man Hating Shrew™ who is probably fat and ugly, affair life has been hard for me. But after years of field research and analyzing anecdotal data, I have uncovered the true secrets of being a Cool AP (affair partner for all newbies in the back).
* Be Open Minded
So what if he comments on age gap subs? He’s just a man with biological needs, and it’s good that he’s so open about this. Bit ugly? Stop being shallow! Maybe he’s the nicest man ever. Can’t write well? Not everyone can be as smart as you. You could be missing out on the best sex of your life with the ugly man who can’t use words!
* Be HOT
You should be open-minded about his looks, but he’s allowed to not be about yours. Make sure you’re not fat, as this is a CRIME! If you’re not hot, be content with being told ‘looks don’t matter’ or being described as a ‘plain Jane’ like it’s a compliment.
* Have Feelings
You should have enough feelings to be besotted with this dude and to send him gushing messages to stroke his ego. But he will never reciprocate because this is “just casual, ya know.”
* Don’t Have Too Many Feelings
Don’t let the aforementioned feelings give you too many expectations because this will mean you are clingy. And clingy isn’t cool.
His Sexual Boundaries Are Now Your Sexual Boundaries.
Did he do something weird to you without asking first? Give him another chance; he probably just thought you were into it. He can’t look you in the eye, kiss you, or have sex with you because it’s more “cheaty” than BJs?
Just do it. It’s better to have that than nothing!
Forget orgasms for you. That’s too many expectations.
* Be Fine With Casual Sex
Most men just want sex. Deal with it.
Be a cool girl.
* Be Patient With Impotence
Offer a guy rehabilitation services. Even if it’s just a one-off, you don’t want to hurt his feelings, do you? If it continues, you should probably do the research about medication for him because why should he?
He doesn’t have a “problem,” it’s just nerves, after all. And he never had this issue before…
* Help Him
You should probably take charge if he can’t figure out how to book a hotel or pay for it. Some people just need a little guidance.
Is his wife tracking him? Meet him in his car. Put in the work, lazy bones!
* Pay For Stuff
Be the cool girl affair partner! Don’t take money away from his wife and family. Pay for everything. You know he’s worth it.
* Don’t Expect Exclusivity
No matter what he says. But you have to be “exclusive,” of course. You can’t cheat on a cheater.
* Be Different From Other Women
They’re bitches. If you agree with them, it’s not because they might have a point; it’s because you have a pack mentality.
Pander to men; it’s what you were made for.
* Believe EVERY WORD They Say
Especially when they are bashing their wife.
Everything in their relationship at home is their evil wifey’s fault, as he can’t ever make any mistakes at home. He’s the perfect partner and wouldn’t dream of bringing any negative qualities to his adulterous relationships.
* Be Nice
Smile. Don’t forget always to smile!
Never show sadness or disappointment. You are the cool girl affair partner! It’s all sex and show! You don’t have heavy emotions to deal with.
Your lover expects you not to be “one of those bitches.”
As a Man Hating Shrew™, I impart my deep and abiding affair knowledge to those future affair lady virgins. Read and learn.
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Previously Published on Medium
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