A reader emailed me, asking, “How do I get a girlfriend?” The truth is, it isn’t too different from getting a wife or casual sex. I get the feeling some guys make it too complex, though.
Sides of the same coin
In 2015, I posted a question in a group asking, “How do I get a *uckbuddy?”
I was clueless. So conditioned by “game” material I couldn’t tell left from right.
A more enlightened guy replied with the best answer I could get. He said, “Get this idea out of your head. Let go, and make the girl feel appreciated”. My life shifted, and I enjoyed all sorts of results.
I had one-night stands. I got into relationships. Dated different women from college, the bar, and the apps. I realized there isn’t a formula for getting a specific outcome. You go after women you like and let things happen.
With some girls, you’ll vibe well, leading to something more than casual fun. With others, you’ll have physical attraction, and that’s it.
People are different. Don’t try to formulate dating into ABC steps.
The confident guy who goes with the flow
They say you need to know exactly what you want to get it. And I agree. But the truth is, for the last few years, I didn’t have a specific goal with women. I just went with the flow.
I was 26 years old and fresh outta depression. For the first time, I felt good and started to succeed with the ladies. Some of my friends got married and I thought, “What? Where you going? Party just began”.
When success becomes a routine, you expect it. You want more of it. And you’re not in a rush to settle. I didn’t sleep with a new girl every few weeks, but life was good. I reaped the rewards after all the hard work I put into it.
“But why do you want a relationship?”
In my depression days, I wanted a relationship so bad. Probably felt like it would help. Then a successful friend asked me, “But why?”. I said why not. And that’s fair; there’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship.
Relationships can heal. They can lift you. But I think you should be aware of why you want them.
It’s like people who relocate abroad. They think everything will change if they live somewhere else. But it’s a recipe for disappointment. Even for disaster. It’s probably why divorce rates are up. People marry on autopilot for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes people get into a relationship early and stay together.
My brother is 20 years old. Girls pursue him all the time. But he’s been in a relationship for two years, and he’s happy. I’m 32. Only now I feel like I’m ready to commit. Took me a while to get to that stage.
No facades
In the old times, pickup coaches taught men to use a facade with women. “Come off as the cool, fun guy”, so she won’t consider you “boyfriend material”. Lol. Not to mention “husband material”. God forbid.
It’s all crap. Trust me, not every girl would want to marry you. Some girls think you’re amazing; some will think you’re boring. Can’t control that.
Go out. Hit the apps. Talk to women everywhere you go. Invite them on dates and court every girl the same way. Don’t think you should act one way with one girl and another way with a different girl. Don’t analyze or try to control things. Let things happen.
Conclusion
It’s a great feeling when you know you can enjoy everything women offer without overthinking. You do you. They do them. And the rest falls into place. If it doesn’t, no biggy. There’s plenty of fish out there.
Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected By Hundreds Of Women.”
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Carly Rae Hobbins on Unsplash
