How to Get Rid of the Obsession of Comparing Yourself with Others

Self-concept and self-esteem are generally affected by the state of social comparison that occurs when we compare our behaviors, attitudes, actions, abilities, and skills. Others with the behaviors, attitudes, and skills. This comparison is often made with people we know well and interact with during our daily lives. It can also occur with individuals we watch and read about in the media or any individual who can be crucial in society or seen as successful. Still, the most critical comparison and the one with the most significant impact on our lives is comparing ourselves with those we think are similar to us.

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“Your focus should be on becoming a type of person you want to be, not a specific goal”― James Clear

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First: what is meant by the obsession of comparing oneself to others?

The idea of comparison, in general, for an individual is based on the concept of determining the extent of personal and social value based on comparison with others.

There is a primary motivation for an individual to obtain a self-assessment of himself by comparing his opinions, skills, and abilities with those of others. The dimensions of comparison are often chosen where essential criteria are a constant reference through which the individual evaluates himself and others.

During the comparison, the individual begins to compare his achievements with what others achieve; he can even enter into a competition or challenge them to overcome them, which is typical for a person.

Still, when the matter exceeds the acceptable limit, the individual becomes busy all the time looking for his weaknesses and things that he lacks to match others in the sense of focusing on negative things instead of looking for his unique strengths; he can exploit them to achieve his success.

Second: the disadvantages of comparing oneself with others

1. Feeling of inferiority:

Comparing an individual to others leads to a lack of self-confidence and that he does not have things that distinguish him from others. Even if he does not have anything comparable to their abilities, the accumulation of these thoughts leads to the formation of his sense of inferiority complex. It causes him to stop achieving his dreams and ambition.

2. Loss of personal identity:

Identity here is not a biological factor, race, gender, or skin color; instead, it is the interaction of Innate predispositions with other data such as thought, customs, traditions, and history: religion, political status, language, literature, values, reason, and behavior.

That is, cultural, social, and other data, and as a result, distinguishes one individual from another.

The identity crisis is associated with the inability of the individual to find a clear perception of himself and the primary references in his life. By subjecting himself to comparison with others, the individual loses his identity little by little due to his interest in other people’s ideas, methods, and ways of working on imitating them to resemble and surpass them.

3. Being deceived by appearances and trying to imitate fake individuals:

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and other applications have recently appeared in the virtual world and have changed the nature of individuals.

Individuals obsessed with imitating the characters they see on TV screens or the internet often find their lives and habits.

Various social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok) and other applications have recently appeared in the virtual world.

Several personalities appear on these sites in an ideal way that earns them fame and success. Still, they may be contrary to what they are basically in reality.

In any case, the individual tries to resemble them, believing that this step will make him a successful person. Cause him many problems, especially if his attempts fail.

As another example, we find some women who watch a series on television; their married life is compared to the married life of the heroes of the story series.

The woman begins to see that hero, the ideal person that every woman dreams of, and comparisons start. Problems begin with her and her parents comparing their child with another child. This comparison seems to pressure their child to push him to excel over the other child. This affects his physical and psychological health and causes his parents and his psychological problems and knots.

4. Lack of self-esteem:

When an individual seeks to compare himself with others, he focuses on the weaknesses he must avoid becoming like others.

He forgot to focus on his strengths and skills, which he can exploit to make himself a crucial unique person and walk the path to success.

5. Lack of focus on a specific goal:

Comparing an individual to himself with others leads to his admiration for more than one thing and for more than one individual, which distracts him, and the goal is lost. His attention is diverted to prevent him from achieving something meaningful.

6. Influencing one’s emotions and losing control of them most of the time:

Comparing an individual to himself with another person pushes him to monitor him constantly. This monitoring generates negative emotions such as envy, hatred, and malice toward him. It affects his psyche. he may tend to depression, isolation, and distrust of himself and show acute emotions such as anger and possibly dangerous aggressive behaviors.

7. Failure to achieve goals:

When an individual resorts to comparing himself to another human being, this consumes a lot of effort. He wastes his time, which he was supposed to use to focus on his personal goals and strive towards achieving them.

Missing the opportunity to enjoy the present, the obsession with comparison makes an individual live another person’s life by constantly observing him and forgetting that he is an individual who also has his own life, which he must take care of properly.

Third: How can an individual reduce the comparison of himself with others?

It is rare to find a person who has not fallen into the trap of comparison even once during his life. Everyone is busy looking for success, excellence, self-affirmation, and gaining respect and appreciation in society. However, following the comparison method to achieve this is the biggest mistake an individual can make against himself. Therefore, some tips can be mentioned to stop it, including:

1. Identify the reasons for comparing yourself with others:

To determine the reasons, you must first judge and evaluate yourself; it is necessary for the journey of change. Then, select whether your assessment of yourself is positive or negative. Do you see that you are a good or bad person? Are you an independent person, or are you ruled by someone else’s power And so on from questions that give an honest assessment.

And then determine the dimensions and directions you take while comparing yourself to others. That is, Are They positive things like so-and-so likes to help people?

Here you are trying to be a good person who wants to help people, or if the comparison is unfavorable. Such as having feelings of envy towards another individual who has a lot of money. Wishes you to get it, arrange the ideas subject to comparison with others, and fix your feelings related to each concept and the resulting surface.

2. Be a grateful, grateful human being for what Allah, the Almighty, has given you:

After identifying the reasons for comparing yourself to others, the feelings that permeated it, the time you wasted in monitoring, and the goals lost from you.

You will be convinced that this comparison has never worked for your benefit; on the contrary. It hindered your life and success, so invest time in identifying your strengths and unique things.

3. Be aware of the fact that what you see on social networking sites and TV screens most of it is fake and does not reflect the truth:

There are no perfect things in life as they seem in the virtual world, do not compare yourself to them, and do not make them a benchmark for your actions and behaviors.

Do the right thing and what is appropriate for you as a human being, be satisfied with yourself, and stop imitating others.

4. Love yourself and the way you value yourself is the essential thing that can help stop the problem of your obsession with comparing yourself to others:

Feel proud of any achievement you achieve, no matter how small. Go through new experiments, write down your results, and improve your abilities by enrolling in various educational courses.

Set your own goals and plan to achieve them; this will help you build your personal life independent of the life path of others. Be a competitor and compare your performance during the different stages only by yourself and not by another individual.

In conclusion:

The key to a happy life is the individual’s satisfaction with himself. He stops comparing himself to others and tries to be another version of himself. Believing that this will make him or them a valuable person; each individual has his personality and entity that is different from others. The explanation of beauty, attractiveness, and success lies in difference, not similarity. It is okay to consider the experiences of others and benefit from their experiences and the advice of the summary of their experiences. Without blind imitation and stay away as much as possible from entering into comparisons, no matter how similar the methods are with them.

Key message: Comparison is a trap in which an individual breaks self-esteem, reduces self-confidence, increases negative emotions and anger from others, and, most importantly, stands in the way of achieving ambition. Hence it can be said that self-satisfaction is to adapt to life and live happily.

Sources: 1 2 3 4

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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