Aloof girls used to turn me on.The less they cared, the more I chased. Their perception of me aligned with my own — very little value.
I was willing to give up anything to be with them. They can be my whole world.
It sounds like a movie line from a hopeless romantic loser. The ending in reality though, is never a happy one.
After years of rejections and humiliation, I decided to stop pursuing girls who didn’t want me. I couldn’t take anymore beating on my self-esteem, and I didn’t want to be a pawn in their little mind games. I was too old.
I love affectionate girls now more than ever
I now repel distant women — no matter how attractive. Anyone who’d rather be somewhere else, with someone else, I show them the door.
Instead, I’m starting to see respect and affection as the most important qualities of a potential partner. I love someone who’s genuinely excited to see me. Someone who prefers time with me over others. Someone who sees me as their sole cup of tea.
The more they like me, the more I’m smitten.
Loving yourself is more important than being in love
A dating coach called Matthew Hussey talked about a lesson from his boxing coach, ‘5+5 always equals 10.’
It means dropping your standards for no one. When your partner doesn’t value you in a relationship, you walk away. No exceptions. Not even for Angelina Jolie.
It makes perfect sense. Yet how many of us are really that unwavering in the face of intense hormones and dopamine and emotions? We have all bent our rules for the sake of a relationship, for a person we’re crazy for.
The problem with doing so is, we are betraying ourselves.
The more integrity you have the more people respect you
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
– Anna Taylor
To this day, I still have trouble putting down boundaries. I fear losing people.
But, what’s the point of keeping someone who doesn’t respect what I stand for? I don’t tolerate lying and I will cut people out, even if that means disassociating with 99% of the population.
More often than not, people are drawn to this sense of character. They have high regard for a person that holds firm to their beliefs and aren’t willing to bend over backward for others.
Don’t choose validation. Stick to your guns.
If you can’t be happy on your own first, you will lose yourself in a relationship
My ex became my only source of happiness.
I locked myself in my room until she returned from work, waiting for her laughter and silliness every night. As the relationship went on, it became harder to withdraw. After our breakup, I realized that I had to learn to be happy on my own first.
Yes, human beings need connections to enjoy life. But without a strong foundation of self-generated happiness, you’ll constantly look outside for joy. Or even compromise yourself.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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