Symptomatic of the times we live or just the sign of my older age, I’ll curiously witness two teenagers sitting next to each other, while actually texting each other. As opposed to just talking with each other there. WTF?
Yeah, this smartphone technology and the social media-driven world is so different than when I was a teen. Given the possibility of actually establishing visceral human contact with someone, you’d rather text or tweet? Again, WTF?
The cultural paradox of social media—Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and others—is that each platform connects millions of people by design, while invariably isolating millions of people, also by design. Sure, posting your selfie of “Me in Barbados!” is awesome. I’m aware that all your Facebook friends really need to know when you “just crushed it on the treadmill!” Really? The immediate worldwide accessibility and availability are absolutely cool technologically. Yet, doesn’t that border on narcissism? “Hey, look at me!” Really, just asking.
The great social media connector perhaps devolves into the great comparison game. The conversation crystallizes, “I’m greater than you, and I have the pictures to prove it.” In social media, there’s always someone who’s prettier, who’s richer, who’s got a better life than you.
Well, that’s only if you give a fuck about what others advertise about themselves instead of authentically sharing themselves. Often the message occurs as: “I’m greater than you, and here’s why…”
Over my 58 years on Planet Earth, I get: “I really don’t care,” as long as I’m kind to and have compassion for others and myself. Like the late NBA legend Kobe Bryant, I really don’t care as long as I put in the work at being as great as I can be. Yes, I really don’t care about the comparisons.
Regarding the numerous “posers” on Facebook and Instagram, again like Kobe, I really don’t have a problem with those who don’t work on their greater-than version as I do. I do have a problem with people who, as Kobe once stated, “expect to be great but don’t put in the work.” Amen, Kobe.
Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba, O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” In the bigger picture, it’s not about the comparison to others. I continually try to overcome myself, getting out of my own way as much as possible. I got from my own trials and tribulations that means I love myself for who I am, and forgive myself for who I’m not.
Accepting myself as the whole is the training in the much larger picture. Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train.” So I continue to just train on my journey. I train in Aikido. I write about the value of loving and forgiving yourself and making a difference for others. I meditate. I pass on what I got about being a Good Man from Mom and Sensei to others, whenever possible. I honor them and honor myself.
Unfortunately, when you don’t “just train”, therein lies the trap. The Great Comparison Game of the Social Media Universe shall consume and virtually isolate us. The aftermath of this inherent Social Media Isolation can have dire consequences, especially for young adults and adolescents.
In Markham Heid’s Time Magazine article Depression and Suicide Rates are Rising Sharply in Young Americans, New Report Says. This May Be One Reason Why (March 14, 2019), he writes:
Since the late 2000s, the mental health of teens and young adults in the U.S. has declined dramatically. That’s the broad conclusion of the new study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.
From 2009 – 2017 the depression rates of kids ages 14 – 17 increased by 60%. During that same period, depression rates for kids ages 12 -13 increased 47%; those ages 18 – 21 increased by 46%. The depression rates for young adults ages 20 – 21 nearly doubled.
The study found that “more than one in eight Americans ages 12 to 25 experienced a major depressive episode”. This depression trend increase was similarly reflected in data on suicides, attempted suicides, and “serious psychological distress” in these age groups.
The data comes from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health of more than 600,000 people conducted by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The study found: “among young people, rates of suicidal thoughts, plans and attempts all increased significantly, and in some cases more than doubled, between 2008 and 2017…”
Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State University, author of iGen, said, “But there was one change that impacted the lives of young people more than older people, that was the growth of smartphones and digital media like social media, texting and gaming.” Regarding the new technology paradigm, Twenge said, “their adoption among younger people was faster and more complete, and the impact on their social lives much larger.”
Writer Markham Heid also writes that there’s an “association” between heavy technology use and diminished mental health for adolescents and young adults. Although, from the perspective of many parents, teachers, guidance counselors and others, who work with young people, “Social media and heavy technology use are a problem.”
Twenge said, “They (young people) spend less time with their friends in person and less time sleeping, and more time on digital media.”
Mary Helen Immordino-Young, professor of psychology and education at USC, said, “Given what we know about adolescent development and vulnerability and the intensive need for intimate and healthy social connection during these years, you can see how social media may not be developmentally appropriate.” Could this be the possible dire consequences of the Social Media cultural paradox?
The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) reports showed that rates of suicide among young people increased by 56% between 2007 and 2016. The concerns are significant and documented, indeed.
I absolutely get it. Over the last several years, I’ve worked with my therapist Lance with my depression. With Lance, I looked at my childhood fear of my Dad, and its aftermath. By grinding it out, I stopped hating on myself so much. I started to love myself for who I am. I started to forgive myself for who I’m not. I “just train” in Aikido, as Sensei would say. I meditate every morning. I write about the experience and gift of my life. I unconditionally love those who are meaningful to me, like Bobby, like John, like Cheryl. I open up by being as authentic as I can be. In that way, I can make some difference for others.
When I fell into my depression abyss, I never succumbed to thoughts of suicide. Yet, I would go to sleep at night, hoping that I would die before I woke the next morning. In my throes of depression, I purposefully isolated myself, thinking that I would be a burden on those, I loved. In truth, they would have been happy to help. That, too, is one of the deceptive traps of depression. More than just saying.
All that being said, the isolation imposed or even chosen just doesn’t work. Werner Erhard said that what we want most as human beings is being gotten by others, that others get what it’s really like to be us. Getting people and being gotten are only possible when we risk putting ourselves out there, being as authentic as can be. That only occurs when we are with people, especially those, who are meaningful to us. We can’t get others or be gotten by others in isolation. Period.
So, in “these interesting times” of the COVID-19 pandemic with the sensible and wise prescribed “social distancing” and “self-isolation”, stay connected with the human race, with those, who are meaningful to you. Keep getting who they are. And I’m sure they’ll do the same of you. Reach out and stay connected, albeit by emails, phone calls or texts. That matters in the bigger picture.
I keep inventing my spaces of fun. I smile when I trade email with John about those final scenes of Episode 10 of “Star Trek: Picard” with Admiral Jean-Luc Picard and Commander Data, played by the amazing Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner. Could android Data love Jean-Luc? Watch the episode. I laughed sharing that hysterical rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” dance from one of Favorite of All-Time (FOAT) Romantic Comedies “13 Going on 30” with Cheryl. Sensei Bobby Facebook Messaged cool spiritual practices that I can use, now. After all, life is way too short to live in isolation. Regardless of circumstance.
We celebrate our humanity by participating in it. That means being with people- albeit physically removed, being with the ones, who are meaningful to us. Sure, there’s value in reflection and possible enlightenment in isolation. Then again, that’s usually for defined periods of time. That’s meditation for me in the mornings. Just saying.
Yet, intentionally isolating using Social Media and technology, for immediate gratification can lead to tragedy, when not used mindfully. The Social Media world can have its own balance, its own Yin and Yang. Still, in “these interesting” times of imposed isolation, remember that we’re all members of the human family.
We all need to come into the light, even in isolation, whether metaphorical or real. Being part of the human race is being with and getting others, by being as authentic as we can be. More than just saying. Amen. Amen.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
Your transparency and willing to put it all out there is inspiring, Jon. As the saying goes, “monsters hide in the dark”…and that is never more apropos than when it comes to issues of mental health. When someone like you shares so transparently, it helps to destigmatize the phenomenon…which helps so many. Thank you.
Thank you, Cheryl. I get that if I’m going make a difference in the world, then I’ll put myself out there, as authentic as I can be.
If sharing about my imperfections, my weaknesses, gets someone who’s suffering from depression or thinking about suicide, to get the appropriate help, then baring my soul would have been so worth it. In a way, I get to honor Sensei and Mom, by making the world a little better for someone, who could have been me… More than just saying.
On a lighter, funny note… My Editor Lisa once told me, “I know you better than you know me…” I took that as high props. I must be doing what I intended.