It’s Not ‘Creepy’ to Pursue Women

Have you ever considered this social paradox? I think about it a lot…

We live in a society which agrees that love and relationships are among the most important factors that make us happy.

Yet, at the same time, many people believe it’s ‘cringe’ to actively pursue those things.

Straight men are often called ‘creepy’ or ‘predatory’ for going out specifically to meet women.

Instead, we’re often encouraged to wait for it to ‘just happen’.

Isn’t that strange?

Deep down, we all know that the universe won’t manifest the perfect wife for someone who waits patiently.

So, why do we play along with this illusion?

Part of it is social conditioning from movies and TV shows.

Some women or super-handsome guys might not understand that other men need to be proactive.

These are the types who encourage their friends to ‘just be themselves’ or ‘just put yourself out there’, as if they haven’t already tried that.

Many women discourage cold approaching because they’ve had bad experiences with guys who didn’t approach well — aggressive or weird guys who harassed them — and it’s totally understandable to discourage that.

However, the truth is: many women are still open to being approached in a fun and respectable manner by the right guy.

Yet, dating coaches, who teach men how to approach women in this way, are still regularly shamed and cancelled.

So, as a dating coach who is sick of hearing about the ‘male loneliness crisis’ and dealing with men’s excuses, here are six hard truths I want to put out into the world.

Please let me know if you disagree with any of them.

1. The Myth of ‘It Just Happens’

There’s a romantic ideal that love (or even hookups) should be spontaneous — that the best relationships happen organically. So when a man intentionally goes out to meet women, it can feel like he’s breaking that illusion.

People might say:

“You’re trying too hard.”

But what they really mean is:

“You’re making me confront how effort-based this all can be.”

2. The Fear of Desperation

If a man admits he’s actively seeking connection, some people (men and women) label it as ‘thirsty’ or ‘desperate.’ Why? Because we value those who appear to have options.

It’s like a social paradox:

• Wanting sex/love is normal.
• But admitting you don’t have it yet makes people uncomfortable.

Yet, admitting you have a problem is the first step to changing your behaviour and changing your results.

3. Insecurity in Other Men

Some guys are threatened when another man is bold or direct about meeting women, especially if they themselves are struggling or avoiding rejection. So they mask that insecurity with mockery or judgment, like:

“Bro, you’re being creepy.”

when what they might mean is:

“I don’t have the guts to do that myself.”

Sure, it’s possible to creep women out when you approach them, but dating coaches teach men how not to do that.

4. Shifting Social Norms

In the post-#MeToo world, there’s increased awareness of consent and boundaries, which is good, but it’s also made many guys second-guess what’s acceptable. Some now lump normal social pursuit in with predatory behaviour, especially if it’s done poorly.

So instead of saying

“I don’t like how he talks to women,”

some just say:

“It’s weird to go out trying to meet women at all.”

This scene from the infamous Gillette ‘Best Men Can Be’ advert is the perfect example. Talking to a woman you’re attracted to is not ‘toxic’ by default.

5. Hidden Shame Around Desire

Modern society is oddly sex-obsessed and sexually repressed. People are bombarded with sexual imagery but judged for acting on desire openly.

Especially men, who are expected to want sex, but only in a ‘cool’, detached, non-needy way.

6. You Must Take Action

The universe isn’t going to reward you just because you sat around with good intentions. It doesn’t hand out girlfriends, wives, or even dates to guys who wait quietly in the corner hoping to be noticed. That’s not how attraction works, and it never has been.

You have to earn it. That means putting yourself in social situations, sharpening your communication, and yes, sometimes facing rejection. If you don’t take action, nothing changes. Period.

If you’re tired of sitting on the sidelines and you’re ready to take this part of your life seriously, join my Skool group. You’ll get access to coaching, support, and a tribe of men who are done waiting for things to “just happen.”

The moment you commit to action, everything else starts to fall into place.