Our culture and society have become so steeped in abusive behaviors that many of them go unnoticed and yet do terrible harm. From microaggressions to full on violations, all forms of bullying and abuse have the capacity and the likelihood to damage brains and shatter lives.
Unfortunately, our society has reached a point where macroaggressions are normalized. Politicians at the highest level, even in democratic nations, now publicly humiliate a range of individuals with whom they may disagree. Political pundits have also adopted nasty behavior, such as right-wing pundit Ann Coulter referring publicly to President Barack Obama as “the retard.”
At the same time that she made her remark, a high school teacher called his students, including my 16-year-old son, “f-cking retards.” This was the precise moment when I decided that this normalized bullying had to stop and I began studying the issue and writing about it.
How is it possible that we live in a society where it’s so normal to seriously hurt other people’s brains — starting as early as childhood? Despite research to the contrary, we continue to believe that bullying is a necessary evil for greatness. This is a myth that science debunks. Refuse to believe that bullying or breaking someone down will help build their resilience, grit, or toughness. It does the opposite. Bullying makes a target anxious, depressed, and potentially suicidal.
Ask yourself: if the bullying approach was working, wouldn’t that mean we’d have a society full of young adults who are mentally tough and notable for their healthy brains and bodies? Instead we have a society in which mental illness is rampant and suicide is the second leading cause of death in youth populations.
It’s incredible that today’s adults continue replaying the broken record to children and youth about having “zero tolerance for bullying.” Yet the bullying epidemic persists and has tragically resulted in far too many “bullycides” — bullying leading to suicide.
We can’t have it both ways. We can’t have adults who role-model bullying and then tell children it’s destructive and not to do it. We need to dismantle the bullying and abuse framework altogether — and all together. It’s time for a new model, a new framework, that factors in the neuroscientific research informing us that all forms of bullying and abuse harm brains. It’s time to break out of the bullying framework and enter a new framework that I’m calling the “neuroparadigm” — neuro meaning to become brain-informed and paradigm meaning a model or framework.
The new neuroparadigm works like this: Instead of ignoring 30 years of neuroscientific research that provides extensive evidence showing that all forms of bullying and abuse harm brains, the neuroparadigm brings forward this critically important knowledge and evidence. Neuroplasticity, meaning our brains’ ability to change, enables us to replace an entrenched neural network with new ones. This means that we can individually and collectively practice breaking out of our normalization of bullying — from the halls of our political leadership to the halls of our schools.
We can put in the work needed to be a society driven by empathy and sensitivity to others’ points of view, histories, backgrounds, and needs. Instead of hurting other people’s brains, imagine a world where we focused on efforts to repair and to heal the harm done. Economist Jeremy Rifkin believes we can evolve into an “empathic civilization.”
Extensive, peer-reviewed, replicated science reveals practical ways to repair the harm done to the brain from bullying. What’s exciting and inspiring is that our brains are skilled at healing. Here are four practices that aid in returning a bullied brain back to a healthy brain:
- Practice mindfulness. By regularly bringing a mindful approach to our everyday life, we can successfully rewire the brain. Mindfulness heightens your awareness of the present moment and allows us to purposefully let go of brain chatter and noise. Daily practice, like practice in a gym, allows us to strengthen desired neural networks and let go of ones that no longer serve our health and wellness.
- Do daily brain training. We can give our brain daily drills that train it to its optimum level by simply downloading and utilizing a scientifically based program. BrainHQ’sshort training exercises easily fit into a daily schedule.
- Commit to an aerobic exercise program. Exercise that gets our heart rate going is a proven way to remodel our brain and improve mental functioning while preventing and healing harmful stress.
- Practice empathy and compassion. Engaging in feelings of empathy and compassion towards others actually activates regions of the brain that give us pleasure and leads us to cultivate more empathy and compassion.
Retraining the brain isn’t a quick fix. It takes time and commitment like any kind of lifestyle change. But working towards brain health is worth every bit of effort and is our best chance to break out of the bullying framework and adopt the new neuroparadigm framework.
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