A former classmate had an affair with her gynecologist because how he treated her during her routine visits was gentler than she had ever experienced with her partner.
It was the way he spoke to her and handled her body.
Those visits were thirty minutes max. But those thirty minutes made a world of difference to her self-esteem.
She’d never been with any other man other than her husband. Which means she never knew a man could make her feel that way.
You don’t need me to tell you how the dice rolled from that point.
Here’s what’s interesting: her husband was a good, loyal, responsible man. They had two kids and but she still crossed that line.
It doesn’t make any sense, right?
Only it does.
At times women cheat not because something is broken but because they catch a glimpse of something better out there.
The surprising thing is that it’s not the big stuff that makes a woman’s head turn.
When you’ve been in a bland and tasteless relationship for a long time, it’s like dangling at the edge of a cliff.
One day, you see something shiny on the other end, and just like that, you let go and jump in to test what’s on the other side.
To paint the picture clearly, this is how it unfolds:
Woman is so bored of being in passionless relationship.
Woman decides enough is enough, and one random day, she gets up, dresses up, and goes out.
Out of nowhere, a man notices her, and begins to chat her up.
Something shifts deep down. She feels a stir. Feelings she hasn’t felt in a long time start to float to the surface.
It’s as if a new person is growing — a person she used to know but has since been forgotten.
This new man makes her feel special. He flatters her.
And beyond this point, all bets go off. And no, this doesn’t always end up in a marriage.
But it certainly shifts how she sees her current partner and how her needs fit in the relationship.
Then there are marriages that start too early before both people even know what they want out of life.
In my previous job, I met too many ladies who admitted they had entered into marriage purely because they’d been blinded by passion and not because they knew what to expect in a marriage.
Or even what it entailed to be married.
Many admitted that the marriages had crumbled to dust in a few short years.
The spark got snuffed out at some point because it takes character to make a marriage stand and thrive.
And we all know that character doesn’t grow on trees; it evolves from age. Passion alone won’t make a marriage thrive.
There’s so much personal foundation work that has to be laid down beforehand.
Too many women cheat on their partners because they stopped becoming compatible years ago.
Two of my ex-colleagues admitted to having had affairs because suddenly they realized they didn’t have much in common with their husbands.
One lady had fallen out of love. She no longer felt attracted to the type of man her husband was.
Another claimed she didn’t share the same interests with her husband, so the marriage felt like a slog.
Sure, we can blame them for having affairs, but we can’t blame them for wanting out.
People change all the time.
The reality is that if married people could do it all over again, many would choose totally different partners.
And this would be no one’s fault. What we think we want today might be very different from what we want tomorrow.
Photo by Food Photographer | Jennifer Pallian on Unsplash
There are more women in sexless marriages than we think.
The other day, I watched a show, and this woman complained about not getting sex despite making several attempts to lure her hubby.
The show made me realize that there are more women in sexless marriages than we think.
And I’m willing to bet that could be a good enough reason to have an affair. I’ve read about women who have been in sexless marriages for up to ten years.
I don’t blame them for looking over the fence. Do you?
Other times the sex is so bad you’d rather not have it at all.
Women talk about one-sided sex all the time. They feel that their partners aren’t as generous as they should be.
At the end of the day, the issue isn’t “just sex.” It’s deeper than that.
It’s about not having one’s needs met. That’s the bottom line. That’s what pushes many women over the edge.
One day they wake up and realize they deserve better.
Then there’s the significant issue of kids.
Someone once said:
When your child is drowning, you can feel the water in your lungs.
That statement is loaded with undeniable truth.
Any woman will tell you that how a man treats her children hits her right in the gut.
It strikes a nerve deep down, be it positive or otherwise.
But this is what I find stranger than fiction; some men actually think they can be loving to their wives, be cruel to these women’s kids, and all would be fine and dandy.
In fact, most women won’t as much as look in your direction if they knew you would be cruel to their kid.
This is why it never surprises me to hear of women who have entertained a man who was kind to their kid to the extent of crossing the line.
Any man reading this should never forget this: to win a woman who has kids, start by showing love to her babies.
Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash
This then begs the question, “Why do so many women allow themselves to get entangled?”
Though most women who enter illicit affairs never feel ashamed in the end, none of them go in intending to hurt their spouses.
The lack of shame usually comes from the knowledge that the state of their marriage is already broken.
- They’ve been unhappy for far too long.
- They’ve been trapped in a loveless arrangement for years.
- They’ve compromised long enough without having their needs met.
- They’ve been worn down for a long time.
- They’ve been neglected for far too long.
And every one of these scenarios makes them more vulnerable to any opportunity that presents the opposite reality.
When someone comes along and shows they care and are attentive, there’s usually not a shred of shame on these women.
They feel justified. Convinced that they are giving themselves what they’ve been craving but haven’t been given.
But it gets deeper than that.
Most women in these affairs refer to them as exit affairs because they give them the final courage to leave.
It’s easier to let go of something when you find something else to latch onto.
But wait, not all cheaters are made the same.
This is why we should never paint them with the same brush.
First, there are women who find themselves trapped in a cocoon of miserable marriages. These are the ones with the wrong partners.
Yet these same women paired with better partners would never dream of cheating. Most women fall in this category.
Then there’s the perennial cheat who loves the buzz of it all.
She is the kind who never wants to get tied down to one partner. She’s not missing anything at all, but she can never switch off her lust button.
It pings relentlessness. And she lives for the thrill.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash