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On the Good Men Project’s Disposability of Mem Social Interest Group’s convocast, moderated this week by Lisa Hickey, we discussed men as heroes. Heroes who voluntarily or under direction go out into danger and risk their lives, knowing they might never return.
Heroic theme used as opiate
Determining an action is Heroic, even before it is carried out, is a kind of drug that minimizes the fear and dread, elevates the pomp and circumstance prior to action. Heroic deems the deed god-like. How else could one justify war and sending young men to their deaths? Tearing apart families? Comforting mothers and spouses?
Man Box
It’s all part of the Man Box theme. Successful men have money and power. They are white, heterosexual, and must protect the family (personal, communal, national) at all cost. They must rise above emotions and make decisions for their greater good. Encased in toughness, they live in isolation regardless of the relationships around them.
Escaping the Man Box
What happens when a male steps outside the box? Abuse. Personal and societal. Peers and fathers take action to stop the escape. They punish by physical and emotional abuse, by isolation and humiliation, and by bullying and hazing. The goal is to keep the male in line by installing feelings of shame and guilt.
The key to authenticity
What does it take to stand up to all this negativity? An understanding that the problem isn’t about the male who wants to be his authentic self, but about the pain carried by those who try to stop him. Instead of the rebel saying what’s my problem, he must ask what problem his tormentors carry.
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We want to hear your point of view. Have you felt constrained by the Man Box? Either by trying to get out or even by trying to get in? Have you had to fight pressures to be one way or another?
If you’ve been able to break free from societal norms and constraints, how did you do it? Are you happier and more fulfilled? What would you advise others?
Your story added to the Good Men Project’s compendium helps others attain balance in their lives, removes stigmas, and allows all men to be successful in their own way, in their own time.
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Photo credit: Getty Images