So, I am back on a dating app that I used quite a while ago.
In all my years of using dating apps, I have tried pretty much every major U.S. dating app and several international dating apps. Every so often, I go back to ones that I’d previously used and taken a break from, with the hope that perhaps this time, I’d have better odds.
Anyway, as I was swiping through, I came across a picture of a guy that I’d met on another dating app and gone on a date with at least 5 years ago.
At that time, he had put his age as 47, which was a bit older than I typically dated at the time, but he had seemed decent and respectful. He had also properly asked me out on a date and did not rush me. These attributes were very much appreciated by me. Dating apps are rife with verbally abusive and entitled men, who want to go dutch and also sleep with you on the first date, so when I met someone traditional, it was a welcome relief
However, when I met him on the first date, something seemed off.
Even though he claimed he was 47, he looked older than that.
His arm hair was grey.
I said nothing but kept it in the back of my mind.
On the second date, alarm bells started pinging. In addition to the dubious age he had put on his profile, he had also indicated that he was divorced. When I pressed him on the latter, he admitted that he was actually separated.
I also got some very bad vibes from him during that second date. It’s hard to explain but I felt some sinister vibes so I decided to look him up further.
I used his phone number to do a reverse phone search and was able to get his real name and other details.
He was 55.
I wish I could say that that was the only time I have encountered a man who lied about his age.
There was one man who I discovered had shaved 2 decades off his age. He was a frigging psychiatrist. There was another man who I was actually in love with and found out much later that he lied about his marital status, age and was a gaslighting P.O.S.
These types of lies are painful because they destroy one’s trust, and you can’t help but feel that you came across someone who deliberately tried to trick you. Furthermore, there are usually MORE LIES the person is telling that you will eventually uncover.
We know why these men do it. They want to appeal to younger women and they believe that they need to appear younger to achieve that.
On this most recent dating foray, I was checking my Likes when I saw that he had “Liked” me.
Guess what age he was using on his profile?
47
What was my response?
I swiped Left.
What was I supposed to do? Engage in conversation with him? Report him? Blast his face on Facebook groups, outing him as a liar? Nope, I just continued on my merry way.
It was a reminder for myself -and hopefully, this post does this for other women- to continually do due diligence on men one meets on these apps. You cannot trust anything they write.
Trust but verify.
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Previously Published on Medium
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