Type “modern dating” into YouTube, the second largest search engine after Google, and you’re bound to be met with a barrage of content lamenting the dire state of the dating market.
As you dig a little deeper, it will quickly become apparent that social media and dating apps are often the main reasons cited why this is the case.
Within this space, you will also find content creators who resort to blaming women for the state of dating. They say if it were not for feminism, unrealistic dating requirements, and hypergamy, finding a loyal girlfriend/wife would be less of a challenge.
Yet, in these discussions, men are rarely held accountable. And I feel this is an issue that needs to be addressed.
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Men collectively hold the power
Despite improvements in gender equality over the past few decades, men continue to be over-represented in positions of power in government, corporations, academia, religious institutes, and even in the non-profit sector.
Men, by and large, influence the shaping of policy. They are often at the forefront when making decisions that shape the culture and society.
Even if we strip away everything else and focus on the dating and social media applications everyone loves to blame, we find that it’s mostly men who invented, designed, and marketed the concept. And on dating apps, again, it’s men who make up the majority of users, which means they are a big reason why Tinder, OkCupid, and the likes are popular.
Therefore, omitting men from the equation when casting blame on why dating is so hard nowadays is disingenuous and perpetuates an unbalanced narrative.
How women behave when dating is a direct reflection of the men they interact with.
So when women reject, ghost, ignore, act entitled, behave selfishly, or chase superficiality, it’s more than likely they act that way because they met men who encourage, reward, and give attention to such behaviors.
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Since men are the leaders, they are responsible
I wish we lived in a perfectly egalitarian world where men and women took equal responsibility when dating. But that’s not the world we live in.
As Men, we are still perceived as the ones to take the lead in dating. This includes asking someone out, planning, and paying for the date. We are expected to take the initiative in making the first move in seduction and relationship progression.
Historically, traditionally, and culturally, men are the pursuers, and women are the pursued. And this paradigm holds true even among women who profess to want equality; they still expect us to take the lead, at least in the initial dating process.
By virtue of these expectations and roles, our conduct is what is going to shape the dating scene.
Fixing the dating landscape starts with us.
Complaining about women is not going to fix a damn thing. Women will do what they want because they are in the unique position of being the choosers in most heterosexual romantic interactions.
The only thing we can control is ourselves, which means being honest and upfront about our intentions, not taking rejection personally, having and setting boundaries, and above all, showing respect for others, including ourselves. If men can do these simple things, I guarantee dating would change for the better.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Gruescu Ovidiu on Unsplash
