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I had my chiropractic business for nearly a decade. I helped thousands of people, employed a great team, had coaching from brilliant individuals, learned some lessons the hard way, and changed unrecognisably from the green boy I used to be.
In the last few years, I’ve had this creeping feeling that there was more I could be doing. It was getting harder to fully engage. The routine of work wasn’t using all my strengths, and that was having a strong effect on me. I’m a creative person, and although I tried to bring some of that into my practice, the nature of the job is just very repetitive. For some people that’s ok—they may even thrive on it—but for me, doing and saying the same things for 14 years was taking its toll. I loved being a chiropractor, I just didn’t want to do it for a living anymore. I guess deep down, it just wasn’t… me.
Not the Me with a capital M. The Me at the centre of it all—silent, watching and playful. The Me that’s left when everything else burns away: the stories, ideas and clung-to identity that keeps me in a certain shape. The Me that woke me up at 6 a.m. to write this.
So, with only the vaguest notion of what I might become, I sold my business.
I believe that in life you’re either growing or dying. It might be happening so slowly you don’t notice, but if you stay on that path it starts to speed up—like compound interest. Until you’re either building to greater and greater heights or falling apart at an ever-increasing rate.
I’ve spent far too much time just trying to avoid that exponential decline. Pretending to play the game instead of trying to win. As a result, I’ve missed out on really growing. Always done ok but never really succeeded or accumulated anything. I chose comfort and escape.
Now, I’m awake and have a sense of urgency that feels like I’ve just woken up halfway through my life and remembered that I’m here for a reason. Not sure quite what that is yet, but it doesn’t involve hiding.
I did, I must admit, dither, make excuses and change my mind a few times before actually taking action. Because selling up and moving on felt like failing. However, my wife helped me to see it as growth; not just good, but necessary.
So, what now?
I’ve let go of what I knew and set out on an adventure. To create order from the chaotic seas of uncertainty—and build a foundation based on what’s meaningful and true to me now, not a decision I made as a 16-year-old, influenced by family and circumstance.
I want to create a structure and pattern with my life that’s strong, and beautiful and useful. And not just a fabrication built on a house of cards, poised to topple down the moment I take my eye off it. Action based on truth is authenticity, I think. And that’s what I want the most—a direct and powerful expression of who I am, that also pays the bills.
“What we bring forth from potential, through truth, is good” — Dr. Jordan Peterson
I don’t have kids yet but they’re not far off, which adds to the sense of urgency. I want to go into parenthood feeling like the man I want to be, or at least closer to him. And for me, that means making brave decisions, taking responsibility for my choices and my life, and shooting for a goal that I decide is important.
To decide means, literally, to ‘cut off’. You choose what matters and cut off the rest. That’s a masculine trait, and something I’ve neglected. The feminine is planting seeds in your garden, nurturing and watching them grow. The masculine is going out there with a machete and cutting the weeds down, so what you plant there can grow. And you need both. Too much of either, and you end up with a jungle or a desert, not a beautiful garden.
I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do now. I do know I’m done with sitting on my hands and waiting for the right door to open in front of me. So, whilst keeping an eye open for opportunities, my plan is to do what I know I can do—today—that moves my life forwards just that little bit. The things that turn tomorrow into a slightly higher platform to start again from.
So, I started as Jordan Peterson wisely suggests, by tidying my room. Just putting the most immediate microcosm of my world in order, so when I wake up in the morning the next step becomes clearer. Then I looked at my finances; no more head in the sand. That was tricky. Cutting off dead wood, paying off debts and moving credit cards around, so I wasn’t bleeding money anymore. And suddenly, my self-worth and motivation got a little boost, and the chaos below seemed calmer.
With that simple foundation laid, I’m now starting work on my new ventures. To keep the money coming in, I’m investing in property (after two years of education and coaching) and putting everything I know about back pain into an online course that people can buy. With those in place, I won’t be a millionaire quite yet, but it’ll give me some breathing space.
But my real passion is my new project—my Holy Grail quest—that I see as the most powerful way I can apply my life right now. That is Finding Meaning as a Modern Man, initially taking the form of writing, doing interviews and making videos, with the aim of it becoming a book. I don’t know how it’s going to help yet, but it’s something I’m strongly drawn to.
It came about through years of frustration with self-help courses, books and seminars—all of which told me that I needed to find my Why—my big reason for doing whatever I do. I always struggled with that, because anything I thought of just felt a bit abstract and made up. Like there was something deeper behind it, that I couldn’t put my finger on. Something at the essence of it all, and without which nothing mattered.
It took me a while, but I realised eventually that it was Meaning.
Meaning is what you feel when your actions align with what you believe is important. Not just the daily life-stuff of making money and moving things around. Usually, it means in some way making the world a better place, in a way that uses your unique strengths and character, and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.
When I look around, it seems to me that this could be the piece that’s missing from a lot of people’s lives; perhaps the root of many problems. I’m focussing on finding meaning as a man in the 21st century because it makes sense to start with my own experience.
I see gender roles are shifting, as we evolve as a species. Women have more independence and opportunities, which leaves us guys guessing at what our job is now. The old template of ‘have a baby or go out to work’ isn’t one-size-fits-all anymore. Whilst that’s liberating, it brings uncertainty.
When males are threatened or uncertain, they often respond with aggression or apathy. Each can be very destructive to our relationships and the people around us, right through to society and the economy. Surely it must be easier for women to know who they are when the men in their lives have themselves figured out. This is an important conversation, and it’s the right time to be having it. The direction it takes will change and shape human history. To me, that’s meaningful.
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Photo credit: Getty Images