It is time, maybe past time, it may be long overdue, but, I have decided to have a mid-life crisis. There should be some guidelines, some government agency to send you an email, “hey, Tim, your midlife crisis is due, and you should start looking at sports cars, maybe schedule some flying lessons, or sky diving.” That way a person would know, definitively, when to start.
When you hit a certain age or level of maturity, or point where your financial responsibilities are not so crushing, demanding that you have little extra coin to kick around, they would send you a packet with some suggestions, possibly a decision tree or a Markov Chain to help. “If you live in the suburbs, and drive a sedan, and have two sons then consider trying to baseball camp with the Pirates.”
Playing baseball with a bunch of pirates would be fun. Drinking Jamaican rum, and plundering booty from the Reds, and the Nationals, just think, Alex Rodriguez walking the plank, oh the joy. But, I am not really a big baseball fan, even if it includes pirates. Besides, people get hurt running bases, and those grounders can take a nasty hop, pow, right in the mush. No thanks.
“If you are not a baseball fan, try a motorcycle.” There is a mid-life crisis staple, a motorcycle, a leather jacket, a wallet on a chain and the open road. Man, aging has never been more appealing. Best to think this through, though. I don’t want one of those motorcycles that are on two wheels, and fall over so easy. Some of them are pretty darned heavy, and just holding them up at the street light can be a problem. Maybe one of those outlaw biker trikes, but they are difficult to find, and expensive. There is a new kind of motorcycle, with two wheels in the front, maybe that would work out, but they look a little silly. How about a sidecar, that would be sweet, but it will make me look lonely because I know my wife will not climb in there and trust her life to my riding skills, maybe a motorcycle is not the answer.
I think, maybe I will try my hand at writing the great, American novel. Or, the mediocre, American novel, or even the barely adequate, American novel. If I do it on a computer I will not even have to worry about paper cuts.