Besides the fact that I’m super grateful that someone reads my work, I’m most grateful for what my readers teach me.
I read through every single comment someone drops. It’s the nuggets of wisdom in the comments that get me going.
And for that, I appreciate my readers immensely.
That’s why it baffles me when some writers here totally ignore their readers.
It’s this entitlement that makes me scratch my head and think,
“Dude, don’t you know that no one owes you their time?
No one has to read what you write. They don’t have to engage, or clap.
Even if they only read a single paragraph and click away, you should see it as a favor.
If nothing, at least clap, for heaven’s sake. I mean, do anything to show you’re tracking with them.”
I can’t with this level of entitlement. I just can’t.
Anyway, enough with the rant.
Let’s get to the real juice.
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A few weeks ago, a reader left a comment that yanked me out of the safety of ignorance. She said,
We go through life wishing we were different people, when we should be loving who we are.
Did you feel the earth shaking as I did when I read that?
No?
Okay. Clearly, your heart is made of stone.
But, wait, I’m not giving up on you yet.
I’m gonna keep drilling and drilling and convincing you how powerful this comment is in relation to your life.
Sure, it’s stupidly simple.
But boy, is it a gun loaded with bullets, or what?
When I started thinking about it, I realized that its magnitude transcends beyond who we are as people and seeps into all aspects of our lives.
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It relates to who and how we love.
I believe that if people appreciated their partners, infidelity would be a thing of the past, and they wouldn’t spend years suffocating in shame.
In the same token, if they allowed themselves to love the people they really wanted to be with without fear of social stigma, they’d be much happier.
So many people are so focused on keeping up appearances that they stay in miserable relationships.
Others are too focused on the Joneses that their fail to see the beauty in their own relationships.
By the time they realize that “perfect” relationships are nothing but smoke and mirrors, it’s usually a little too late.
They’ve long lost their eighty chasing the twenty.
…
We wish we didn’t feel the way we do.
A guy made a derogatory comment to my friend not too long ago.
She had every reason to call him out. But she glossed over it with a nervous laugh.
I mean, who wants to cause a scene, right?
At the time, brushing her feelings aside seemed like the wisest thing. Later — when the comment started to sting as they usually do, it was a little too late.
He was long gone, without the slightest knowledge of how he’d made her feel.
This is what happens we overrule our feelings to avoid stirring the point.
What I’ve learned from my four decades of being here is that:
A) There’s always a reason for every feeling. feelings don’t grow from thin air. your triggers are very valid.
B) Unless you confront the underlying cause of the feeling, you’ll keep feeling that way.
I once read a quote,
Until you learn the lesson, you’ll keep taking the test.
The point?
Invalidating your feelings works until it doesn’t.
Pretending you’re okay demeans you and allows people to keep overstepping your boundaries.
If you’re not happy about something, say so.
We don’t all get aggravated by the same thing. But if something stings, it’s worth taking a look.
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Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash
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I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen folks who won’t accept how good they are at something.
You compliment them, and they deflect or tone it down in embarrassment.
Most people don’t realize that belittling themselves is the same as being arrogant. Both are unhealthy and a sign of low self-esteem.
Too much modesty is unattractive.
Acknowledging your strengths is loving yourself. If you’re a badass, own it.
…
It’s the same thing with giving toxic people a front row in your life.
Full disclosure: I’ve been a toxic person at some point. I’m ashamed of it. I don’t even know why people didn’t walk away from me earlier.
But, I’ve also stood on the other end of the spectrum where I hung around toxic people for too long.
Eventually — after burning bridges — I distanced myself from the crowd and never felt so light in my spirit.
Weak people have a hard time walking away.
They don’t see how the toxicity affects them. Other times, they don’t think they deserve better.
But strong people care too much about their mental and emotional health to allow the poison of toxic people to permeate their lives.
You’re free to choose the people you want in your life. You’re not a tree. If you don’t like your environment, walk away.
…
Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash
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Whether you have an opinion or not says a lot about you.
No one preserved in the history books was afraid of speaking their opinions. Character is defined by having a voice and validating it.
People may disagree with what you say, but they’ll respect you for having an opinion.
But when you invalidate your opinion, you’ve disrespected yourself.
Your voice deserves to be heard as much as anyone else’s. Speak up.
It’s a good thing.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Omar Lopez on Unsplash
