One Thing I Want to Hear More of From Men

“And what do you say to the nice lady?”

A year ago, I invited a guy to attend an event with me. I was quite grateful for his companionship, and so prior to the event, I suggested we have dinner at a swanky bistro nearby.

I fully planned to treat him to dinner given that he had just made an hour-long drive to come see me, and in a way, he was doing me a favor by attending with me.

I was happy to treat him to dinner.

When the check came, I stated that I wanted to treat him to show my appreciation. He looked surprised, and then said, “Oh. Okay,” as he resumed finishing off his tea.

As I signed away $80 for a meal that he apparently loved and wasn’t expecting, I felt something surge in me that I couldn’t suppress but I didn’t know how to address.

He didn’t say thank you.

In an odd way, it left me feeling a bit dirty… and used.

In fact, as we left the restaurant and walked to the event, he didn’t say anything to show any appreciation for my treating him. It was like it never happened.

As a woman, I ALWAYS express my gratitude when someone treats me. They hear it when the bill comes. They hear it as we are leaving the restaurant, they hear it again when we part ways for the evening.

I make it clear to them that I am very appreciative for their generosity.

After that evening, I never quite shook the icky feeling that he showed zero gratitude for my gesture. It changed how I saw him.

I shouldn’t have to tell a 50-year-old man to mind his manners and to say thank you when someone does something unexpected and nice for him.

That’s a problem.

…

Lack of manners isn’t rare

In the months that followed, I discovered that he was not the only man who didn’t say thank you when I did something nice or generous.

I had an extra ticket for a show and took a man I had taken a liking to. I took a friend out for his birthday. I paid a guy’s entry at an event to thank him for a favor. I treated a new boyfriend to brunch at my favorite bistro.

Not one thank you from any of them.

And that’s when I stopped doing it.

…

Providers can be grateful too

The lack of men saying thank you has absolutely baffled me.

Is this how they treat everyone? When men get promoted and receive big raises at work, do they just go, “Awesome,” and walk out of their manager’s office?

When their buddies help them fix their car, or solve a glitch on their website, or move a sofa upstairs, do they just say, “Okay, see you later.” and wave goodbye when it’s done?

I get that men are used to being the providers and therefore, are almost always the ones paying for things and taking care of things for others.

So maybe they don’t have a lot of practice or opportunities to show gratitude — and good manners — when someone provides for them.

I’m not going to make excuses for them.

All these men had parents who taught them to say “Please” and “Thank you” when they were growing up.

I legitimately feel embarrassed for the man when I see them neglect these basic manners.

And it makes me sad that some men seem to feel so entitled that it doesn’t occur to them to say thank you.

If anyone is “entitled” to receive it is the feminine energy, as that is part of our natural role in life… and yet, every woman I know demonstrates great appreciation for things that are offered and provided to her.

Maybe that’s why men are so willing to provide for women.

Appreciation gets you everywhere.

And that applies to men too.

…

Here’s the good news

It is never too late to say thank you. Never. If you are just now realizing that you probably don’t say thank you a lot, take a moment to think about the nice things people have done for you and start making some phone calls.

“I was just thinking about the time you rewrote my resume for me, and I don’t know that I ever thanked you properly for that… and I wanted to tell you how much I have appreciated that and how helpful that has been for me.”

And even if you already thanked the person, no one will refuse hearing it again. Sometimes, we are guilty of being very transactional in saying “thanks”.

If someone spent $100 feeding you a nice dinner, “thanks” is not sufficient.

Save “thanks” for when someone hands you the butter or compliments your hair.

Use your words. Women will appreciate hearing more words than you think necessary.

Tell them why you appreciated the gesture so much. “Your help saved me so much time” or “No one ever treats me to dinner so I was really touched that you wanted to do that for me.”

Those things will warm the giver’s heart and make them feel good for being generous with you.

And it builds stronger bonds between people.

Which is really what matters most in this life. ❤

🙋🏻‍♀️ I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments — chime in!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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