No one can contribute when I’m in the space of I know. Even worse: I know better. My arrogance soon devolves into the spiraling competition: I know better than you, and here’s why… No one wins that pissing contest. No surprise or gain is revealed in such nonsense.
In Aikido, Mizukami Sensei said, “Have no preconceived notions.” That was in the context of waiting out the attack, then matching up with it. Sensei said, “Pretend like you don’t know the attack.” That became my practice mantra.
“No preconceived notions” evolved into clearing my mind, erasing my expectations. Practice mushin (empty mind). Be present. Be open to possibility in the moment. I can reinvent myself. That’s a surprise. Hopefully, surprise in the good sense.
Waiting out the attack, I’ll take the glancing blow. I match up with the attack, awase. I throw the attacker to the Dojo mat.
I practice the technique over, and over, and over, and over again. Repetition makes the unnatural, natural. Gradually, I applied “no preconceived notions” in looking at life with an open mind, with an open heart.
In matching up in the attack, I can either win or lose. With “no preconceived notions”, I’m open to what’s possible, the occurring surprise. What happens, happens.
Throughout childhood, I got that whatever fun I had was temporary: Fun would end sadly. Inevitably, Dad would get angry for something I did or didn’t do. I was wrong. I was no good. Fun died. Sometimes, I cried. I got: Don’t expect to have fun. It can only end badly.
Sensei trained me to open to possibility in the moment. I never know the outcome in the moment of the attack, either good or bad. As long as I did my best, I could live with the outcome. Amen.
I started looking at fun in the same way. I looked for joy in whatever I did. Aikido is the profound joy of my life. Mad love and respect for Aikido. Mad love and respect for Sensei for teaching me.
In most of my adult life, I was so very cynical. That might have evoked an unaffected cool veneer. Really, my cynicism masked fear within me. I protected myself against crippling disappointment. I had endured years of disappointment not being what Dad wanted as a son or knowing that whatever joy I experienced would end in utter sadness. Thwarting myself was far better than enduring further suffering and disappointment. So I thought.
In Aikido, “no preconceived notions” freed me of the past. I was free to succeed, free to fail. When I succeeded I moved on to what’s next. When I failed, I learned from my mistakes and moved on, too. I had fun. In the bigger picture, I opened to life occurring. I could be as authentic as I could be.
In my company, I participate in Agile training to evolve as a possible leader. Agile is the systems engineering framework of prioritization, collaboration, and execution that has been around the aerospace industry for more than 20 years. I was familiar with Agile, but never had the opportunity to learn it. Until now.
Agile evolved from its roots in software project development. In my 32 year systems engineering career, my expertise is satellite development from requirements definition and verification to on-orbit deployment and delivery. Software and hardware disciplines are not necessarily highly correlated. Just saying.
I gave up: With over 30 years of systems engineering experience, I know better. I had fun training with an open mind, an open heart. I learned from others, who had varying levels of mastery in the framework. They’re good smart people, too. A lot of the framework makes sense.
The instructor Phil asked what leadership style resonated with me. I said, “I’m more ‘pull’ than ‘push’.” I said that as Aikido Sensei, I guide students to be the best that they can be. I try to pull the best out of others. That aligns with the framework.
In training class, we talked about listening and teaching. I said that as Aikido Sensei, I can’t teach a student unless he or she gives me their permission to teach. Listening and speaking are a collaborative “two-way street”.
The course facilitator laughed in familiarity. She got that’s why sometimes when she’s trying to teach others, they don’t listen. She didn’t have their permission to teach. Life occurs when we’re present; open to it.
In my 58 years on the Planet, I get that it’s not all about me. As much as possible I give up: I know better. There’s always going to be someone, who knows something valuable, who has something to contribute. When I give up “I know better”, others can authentically contribute to me. They get to make a difference.
There is unkindness in the world. Yet, our authentic self-expression is making a difference for others. Making a difference is also a “two-way street.” Making a difference for others works. Allowing others to make a difference for us works, too. Just saying.
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