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Language is a wondrous thing, because the right word, at the right time, in the right ear, can change your life. Just as surely as the wrong word can leave repercussions for decades.
I was working with a client this week, and part of the work I do is to dig a little into the psyche of the men who have come to me for help. It’s been my experience that oftentimes, we have had the wrong word planted in our minds, and then lived down to that expectation.
For example, the guy I was working with, had hated school and been told that he was stupid and lazy. The teachers put him in a special ed class and pushed him through the system so that he was someone else’s problem next year.
But as I was speaking with him, his vocabulary was extensive and he correctly used many polysyllabic words. He didn’t use many filler words in his speech, those “You know’s” and “right?” that people do to stall for time. We started reading some materials and his reading and comprehension level was on par with mine.
We started running some financial projections and he was coming up with the correct answers, quickly in his head. I asked him how he did that, and he said, “I just see the numbers and the answers.”
This young man was not stupid or lazy. I asked him what was happening in grammar school when he was labelled, and he said he was he was bored and unchallenged.
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This young man was not stupid or lazy. I asked him what was happening in grammar school when he was labelled, and he said he was he was bored and unchallenged. That’s why he was acting out in school. I resembled that young man. I remembered in school being bored by the teacher and the other students because I had the answers in seconds and couldn’t understand why it took others so long to respond.
My young client never went to college – because no one ever told him he was smart to get in and survive. He had consistently lived down to the expectations of those around him, including his mostly absent mother who didn’t see that the school was wrong in labelling him stupid and lazy.
Empowered means to “make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights” according to the dictionary. In working with this man, I was able to show him how strong and capable he was. Today he’s applying to community college to pursue the education he is so capable of mastering.
I have high expectations for him, and for the people with whom I work. What I’ve found is they usually live up to, or down to, what I expect of them.
That goes for our own self-image as well. We will live up to, or down to, what we expect of ourselves.
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Photo credit: Getty Images