Will Valentine’s Day be a celebration of magic moments shared, or an exchange of pricey stuff you hope will paper over a few cracks?
What’s the overarching non-political advertising message everywhere at this time of year?
It’s that love matters, and you should buy lots of stuff for someone and make sure it’s delivered on Valentine’s Day. Of course—especially since many were planted and harvested in readiness for your need—you should give roses. After all, they are the symbol of love. So is wine, and … diamonds, of course, and chocolate.
But is this commercialized celebration going to be one of the rare times you bother to show an overt sign of love? It’s a shame, if so. And you’ll not get value for your money. The most expensive chocolate cannot hide insincerity.
If you care for her, show her every day.
Touch her the way she likes it and your scent will overpower any rose.
Just as a weakening fire can’t be coaxed into producing instant hot new flames with a large wet log, your chocolates won’t taste much of love if delivered with a careless, quick caress full of expectations.
Your conduct in the weeks or months prior to dawn on February 14 will have more effect on the health of your relationship than anything you do to rustle up some thorny stems in the final few hours before sunrise.
Some women love touch more than the other ways you could show affection.
A few crave it. No amount of massage or caress will satisfy. But the attitude you express through your touch matters most. What touch does the one you love like most?
What special touch marks the space between you? What fires could you start with simple touch?
Giving love does not require a purchase.
It’s also true that many of the best gifts can’t be bought anywhere.
A woman may eagerly await Valentine’s Day if she cares for you. She’ll possibly think the occasion is a good excuse to encourage affection from someone reticent. Afterwards, she’ll brag about what you did, in many cases.
What have you planned? Maybe you do want to go shopping. Sure, that’s fun too. I enjoy buying things for my other. And she loves getting them. Yet a bud I might pick from a bush on the way home through the olive grove has just as much meaning, maybe more. Shop flowers can be ordered sight unseen, after all.
Thanks to the overwhelming messages in every channel that virtually demand you provide something tangible, you probably will front with something in a bag or box. Just don’t forget to bring yourself along with the gift.
What is that token, flower or gesture that coaxes her special smile and lights her eyes?
When your lips regularly speak words she loves, no card’s poetry competes.
Unless it is also an anniversary, or is meaningful to you in some other way, it’s just another day.
A card is necessary, of course. Isn’t it? It is obvious you must get one. But bored writers writing sentiments in cards have no idea about your feelings. So they will make a hundred cards. Just pick one. It’s close enough.
Do you really need an expensive, insincere, pre-printed card?
Maybe you don’t write, and find love hard to talk about.
But this isn’t about you.
What words has she responded best to in the past? What would demonstrate you’ve thought deeply about what she means, today?
How grateful are you for her presence? When you think of what she’s brought you, saying thank you won’t be hard.
When your presence is a constant she enjoys, Valentine’s Day rituals matter less.
Valentine’s Day is a merely a moment in the calendar. We don’t have to pay it any notice. Naturally, retailers will still spend their dollars on advertising to entice you to spend yours on love’s so-called essentials. Yet love can be expressed without spending money.
How often are you home, and free, when she’s not rushing somewhere doing something? Those are your times to enjoy each other. How often in those moments are you present, whether listening, or helping, or just being there?
You can organize a night out on Valentine’s Day. It might be a rare chance, sans children, to have a few hours alone. But if you’ve been neglectful recently, those minutes won’t be half as meaningful as they could have been.
Valentine’s Day is about togetherness, not trinkets.
If you’re in a relationship, energy is always flowing, through thousands of interactions.
A large bouquet is not nearly as valuable as a hundred morning cups of coffee. Care and attention cost little, and many small gestures are eventually worth more than an entire shop full of orchids. She doesn’t really want stuff, you know. She wants you.
This Valentine’s Day, you could choose to do a little extra for your sweetheart, but why not do the extra on another day, one which you—or both of you—elect to treat as memorable for your own reasons. It’s likely the flowers will be a lot cheaper, too.
Will your candies taste like love this Valentine’s Day? Will you make some magic in your moments together, and recommit your love?
Remember, whether you bring her chocolates, jewelry, or a rose, if your actions and words don’t match, your behavior isn’t a loving ritual, only a pose.
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