Should You Teach Someone to Kiss Better?

“How can a man not know how to kiss at this age?” I say.

“Dunno,” says my friend.

“You gotta teach him,” says my other friend.

“Not happening,” I say. “There’s zero attraction after that.”

This isn’t the first time that I’ve written about ‘the kiss.’

Marriage may backseat the all important kiss but dating brings it front and center. Intimacy can fade within the ‘established couple’ but it’s demanding in the dating world.

Not long after the conversation with my girl buddies, I have the same conversation with a man I’ve dated. There’s a reason I’ve decided to chat with him about it.

I would give him ‘best kiss.’

“How can a man this age not know how to kiss?”

“It’s not just men.”

Of course it’s not just men.

There’s an intimacy, art, and magic to kissing

And we seem to have lost it. Or some have never mastered it, or somehow some don’t care enough to perfect it. Who knows?! Even more surprising? There are a lot of terrible kissers who are blissfully unaware.

Why shouldn’t they be?

I’m not going to tell a man who kisses me that it was terrible.

I just won’t see him again.

And the other women? The ones who are willing to teach a man. They probably aren’t going to explicitly announce it. They’re going to subtly guide them.

My friend Spence likes to say, “Kissing is the soul of the relationship.”

But is it?

Many couples stop kissing within years of their relationship or marrying.

I was going to delve deeper into this phenomenon because I count myself amongst them. My husband and I stopped kissing. I don’t remember when it happened.

I’m not alone.

Many couples can’t pinpoint the exact time they lost the intimacy of the kiss.

But several writers saved me the trouble.

You can check out this piece When Was the Last Time You Actually Kissed Your Spouse? published by The Good Men Project. And Why Married Couples Stop Kissing: The Shocking Truth from Experienced Men.

It elevates the importance of ‘the kiss.’

I don’t want to lose intimacy.

I want to protect it.

I want an unbelievable kiss with the man who ends up being my person. Doesn’t everyone? It doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a few kisses along the way.

I rebel against the, “You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.”

No thank you.

A friend recently told me she will only be with a man who prioritizes a few things this time around. You guessed it. The kiss was at the top of the list.

She never wants to lose that.

The kiss must be a continued art, intimacy, and priority.

I couldn’t have said it better.

Should you teach someone to be a better kisser? Some say yes while others say no way. It’s a personal preference. But there does seem to be a lack of kissing skills.

And it may coincide with the lack of intimacy in many relationships.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.