Transfer the wasted energy of jealously to something else, maybe how lucky you are to have a person who is so awesome you would hate to lose them.
Have you ever felt the wrath of jealousy? That feeling in the pit of your stomach that won’t quit?
Perhaps, you’ve read too deep into your partner’s actions or just don’t like that one particular girl/guy hanging around your loved one. One thing for sure is that jealousy is like swallowing your “enemy’s” poison.
There’s not much worse in a relationship than good old jealousy.
It sparks arguments and mistrust. It makes you think twice about everyone’s actions and behavior. Sure, sometimes jealousy is your gut’s red flag, saying, “Something just isn’t right here.”
But most of the time, it’s poison. Here are the top reasons why jealousy sucks:
1. Jealousy looks bad on you.
There is nothing more unattractive than someone walking into a room and shooting dirty looks at you because he or she feels jealous. It brings tension to the air, and it just looks trashy.
Having self-respect, self-esteem and holding yourself with poise is way classier and more attractive.
Don’t let anyone drag you into the gutter. You are more than that.
2. Jealousy gives the enemy power.
Being angry about a woman/man your loved one has to interact with just adds anxiety and frustration to a relationship.
And the funny thing about it is it can backfire.
If your partner is constantly stressed out about a jealous significant other, he or she may have that strange urge to talk about it. And who knows who the person your partner will choose to confide in may be…
3. Jealousy makes sure you’re the one suffering.
Being jealous feels pretty sh*tty. You, alone, stuck with the same troubling and hurtful thoughts. No one can feel those emotions but you.
And the truth is, no one has to change their behavior for you either. You can’t control people’s actions.
At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to change.
4. Jealousy allows your fears to manifest.
There is such a thing as thinking something will happen and then it happens.
Part of the reason is because you expect it to happen, so you act according to those thoughts as though they were the truth.
Expecting someone to cheat doesn’t mean you are responsible for their cheating, but it doesn’t help them wanting to stay with you if you don’t trust them.
5. Jealousy makes your partner feel trapped.
Having a partner who questions your every move is unhealthy and miserable. Slowly, it makes your significant other want to pack his or her bags and run for the hills.
Who wants a helicopter flying overhead all day? Who wants to be stressed about how everything will “look?” Who wants to feel so stuck that they end up questioning their own motives?
Unfortunately, I’ve been on all ends of this spectrum. I’ve been jealous; I’ve had the overwhelmingly jealous partner, and I’ve had dirty looks from other women.
I’ve come full circle. And I have to say I choose to stay out of that circle as much as possible.
At the end of the day, you have to make a choice: Do you want to live life feeling afraid, angry and not trusting your partner? Or do you want to move on, be happy and feel secure?
If you are truly jealous, think long and hard about what’s triggering it. If there is something not right going on with your partner, then it comes down to a choice you have to make.
Either talk it out in a way that doesn’t make your partner defensive, hurt or angry, or leave that partner because the trust just isn’t there.
There are other alternatives to jealousy. You can turn that wasted energy from negative to positive and transfer it to something else. Think about how lucky you are to have a guy/girl someone else might wish they had.
Be proud and trust your partner to take care of him or herself in this world. If your partner needs your help, he or she will ask.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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