“You stay in YO lane!”
These were the words of LaVar Ball to Christie Lahey, co-anchor/commentator with Colin Cowherd on “The Herd,” a sports-talk radio show on Fox. (And yes, Ball wants the phrase spelled that way. The marketing genius stuck it on a shirt he created to celebrate the exchange.)
If you don’t know Mr. Ball and enjoy scrappy, mouthy, pie-in-the-sky dreamers, you’re missing out. His claim to fame was initially his high-flying son, Lonzo, who led the UCLA Bruins to the NCAA Basketball Tournament and who, after getting beat, immediately (and I mean immediately) declared himself eligible for the NBA draft after only one year of college. All year, we’ve turned on sports news and heard declaration after declaration of superlatives directed to anyone who would listen to LaVar about…well, pretty much everything. Here are a few gems:
“He’s better than Steph (contrasting son Lonzo with Steph Curry, recent two-time NBA MVP).”
“Back in my heyday, I would have killed Jordan one-on-one.”
“A billion dollars, it has to be there. That’s our number, a billion, straight out of the gate. And you don’t even have to give it to me all up front. Give us $100 mil over 10 years.”
That last one was about the shoes he’s creating.
Initially reported to be in the $700 range for a pair of basketball shoes (with a pair of sandals to wear to the court), he got in front of Addidas, Nike and Under Armour to pitch his concept. Even though the getup is now just under $500, he was turned down each time.
With his starting price at $1B, it’s not surprising.
Not a man to be denied, he started a site and began selling the shoes that he claims will one day be not only made, but very popular. Before too long, we were as apt to turn on the radio and hear yet another preposterous claim by him, rather than news directly related to sport. Eventually, he made his way to the The Herd, where Ms. Lahey made the mistake (I guess) of asking him how many pairs of shoes he’d sold.
“You stay in YO lane,” was his intense and immediate response.
“Excuse me?” Christine asked, incredulously.
He explained to her that he wasn’t marketing his shoes to women and called her a “hater,” based on comments she’d made on previous shows.
So, what does this have to do with our Project of Good Man-ning?
Let’s put it this way: when it comes to teaching others, showing them our “enlightened” ways or otherwise Awakening others with our lotus-rimmed “namastes,” you’re Christine and the Universe is LaVar.
Stay in YO lane, Baba (O’Reily).
“Ego,” as my Teacher, Jim “Redtail” Collins says, “is a tricky monkey.” Many of us have had consistently soul-shifting experiences that have taught us that the standard Western narrative is not a reliable guide to a soulful existence. Like, at all. We’re apt to look at ourselves and judge that we were super “good” after the experience(s) that have meant so much to us, that perpetuated a real shift within us. We may have started a meditation or yoga practice, started paying attention to our diet based on the energy of the food, bought solar or acted otherwise enlightened.
I’m sick of hearing about it.
If I have to hear one more “enlightened” soul complain about those who, “just (tongue click and shake of head), don’t get it,” I’m going to turn in my “I Heart Gautma” badge and join the NRA.
I have news for you, O (often) Enlightened One: our job is to assist and sustain the well-being of everyone without judgement as to their level of enlightenment. We are to jump in and help them be the best they can be within the parameters of the values that intersect our own.
Huh?
Let me explain this more fully with an example from my own life.
I see the world completely different than my birth family. I love them all, even though they see me as an apostate, lost, an unfit father, a “liberal” (whatever THAT means), etc. They’re hardcore religious, love “alternative facts,” disbelieve in global climate change and voted for Trump – and would do it again. Still, we are able to foray into common ground – even on the spiritual side – where, on the outside, we couldn’t be more different.
For instance, I had a great conversation the other day with my Dad about the afterlife and his near-death-experience. Sure, he views it from a Christian paradigm that views the world as less than ten thousand years old and that this life is his “one shot.” From the mystic perspective that I’ve cultivated, my mission is to find the commonalities, not perseverate on the differences. In this case, we both believe in a merciful, full-of-love Creator (although I like mine waaaaay better). We both believe in an afterlife, both believe that we’ve had experiences together before we came here. I don’t care about the details because he doesn’t. If he were curious about why I left the generational religion and what I’ve found outside it, really, he’d ask.
Until then, my job is to facilitate their Connection to All That Is, even if I think my birth family believes more in Everything That Ain’t.
I’m kind of dizzy right now just writing this. I mean, I can’t believe they see things how they do. Right there, my own judgment is setting me off. And these are my family members that I love dearly, let alone strangers.
Like I said, a tricky monkey.
The point is, I could sit here in my self-righteousness, ablaze in enlightened light from … wherever, Namaste my ass off, act like “I am here and they are there,” and go on my blissed-out way. But that’s not the program.
THIS is the program:
Ask questions to find common ground.
Start the dialogue with anyone – entirely without judgment and with complete, sincere respect for their path. When the haranguing starts about Obama and Hilary and (insert Limbaugh/Hannity/O’Reilley rhetoric here – well maybe not O’Reilly; I’ve never been much for sexual predators), THAT’S when you take a breath and gently bring the conversation back to finding common ground. In other words…
Don’t proselytize.
YOU will never teach someone who doesn’t want to be taught. Moreover, we are ALL on Stage One of “getting it,” or I wouldn’t find this a necessary topic to discuss.
The Universe/God/Creator/Spirit/”Thing Bigger Than Us” teaches, and the curriculum is 100% individuated. We aren’t privy to anyone else’s soul path, generally speaking; not their karma, not their life’s mission. Once common ground has been established…
Stoke the common fire through action.
In the end, most people want peace (unless they’re members of the military-industrial complex or politicians. For them, peace means bad business and stagnant ratings). Most people love their families. Most people just want to live their lives and have a degree of comfort. Whatever it is that you have in common with someone who’s ontological viewpoint is night/day different from yours, start there. This doesn’t mean you go to Trump rallies if that’s not you. That would be disingenuous and manipulative, flower child. The trick is to stand your ground—stay in your lane—while reaching across it to grasp their hand and ask where you can go, together. Do you both love gardening and good food? Maybe they’d be interested in helping turn empty lots into gardens – or at least a home-grown meal from yours. Are they concerned for the growing homeless situation in the country? Invite them to a shelter with you. Again, we don’t do this to convert or to influence their walk in any way. We do it to be with them, to love them and to create community.
Stay in YO lane. Be solid there. Do your own work by excavating the ground underneath you and get to the bottom of your own reasons for being here in this place and plane. Reach out to all with compassion and love, not self-righteousness and pity.
In the end, we want the same things and we’re traveling this multi-lane highway on our way to create something breathtakingly beautiful.
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Photo: Getty Images
