That's My Responsibility

Young child and older man on a beach wearing martial arts uniforms. The man is on one knee as he ties the belt for the child. The man wears a black belt. The mood is one of peace and compassionate mentorship.

In 1993, Nike aired the landmark commercial (video below) starring future NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley. In the basketball montage, Charles narrated:

I am not a role model. I’m not paid to be a role model. I’m paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I can dunk a basketball, doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.

Nothing, but mad love and respect for Charles Barkley. Charles is a wise, good man. We’re about the same age; I’m a year older. Charles speaks his mind, his truth. Often, his truth is truth. He and Nike took a lot of heat for that commercial. About three years ago in an interview with Dr. Phil (video below), Charles said that he still stands by what he said: I am not a role model. He described the genesis of that commercial.

In about 1989, Charles approached Nike with his TV commercial concept. According to Charles, Nike said, “Are you freaking nuts?” As an African American man who toured schools for three years, Charles saw that more black kids wanted to be athletes and entertainers compared to white kids who wanted to be doctors and lawyers. That being said, the outspoken Charles Barkley expressed broad cultural strokes, perhaps in stereotypes. Still inherent in most stereotypes is some agreement, whether that’s truth or not. I say that as a 60-year-old Japanese American man. No, I’m not white.

For the most part, I believe that Charles is right. He speaks from a good and kind space. As the NBA Superstar, that doesn’t necessarily make Charles Barkley a role model for kids, white or black. That should be their parents’ responsibility, their job. Perhaps in the ideal family, in the ideal world. Yet, we don’t live in an ideal world. Just saying.

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I endured an abusive childhood. When I was a little boy, Dad scared me to my soul. I wasn’t the son he wanted. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made him so angry at me. Some parents shouldn’t raise their kids. Dad wasn’t going to teach me what it is to be a good man, a good person. I had to find that elsewhere. I had to find someone else who would teach me. We don’t live in an ideal world. I know something about that. Just saying.

Over 30 years ago, I began Aikido training with the late Mizukami Sensei. Sensei was Nisei, a second-generation Japanese American, like Dad. Both were old-school Japanese. Whereas Dad yelled at me for not being good enough, Sensei yelled because he saw that I could be greater: He saw the greater-than version of me that I hadn’t yet discovered. That was the profound difference between the two men.

Sensei gave me permission to make him the father I needed to become a good man, a good human being. Mom, who loved me unconditionally, knew how Dad terrified me to my soul. She gave her permission to make Sensei my father, too. Sensei was the father I needed to become the man I’m proud to be. I pass on all that I got from Sensei and try to make a difference in some way. When someone gives their permission to be their Sensei, maybe even be a role model, I do so. That’s my responsibility.

My Dojo performed an Aikido demonstration at a Japanese Teahouse park. I helped beginner students practice their Aikido technique for the demonstration. I also took falls for Jackson Sensei, who demonstrated Aikido technique. Jackson and I are both Godan, 5th-degree black belt. At one time, I taught Jackson. Now, he teaches me. Jackson is better than I am; that was the purpose of our training. I’m very proud of him. I have nothing, but mad love and respect for Jackson.

After the demonstration, I spoke with 12-year-old student Jason and his Mom. I told Jason, “You did great.” He smiled. He was so happy. He said, “You were awesome.” I smiled and laughed, “I was taking falls. I got beat up.” Still, I got it. Jason’s acknowledgment came from his heart. I was touched and moved. His mom had said, “Thank you” for teaching her son Aikido. I’m meaningful to Jason and his mom in some way. For that, I’m honored and grateful.

***

As Charles Barkley said, “I am not a role model.” Still, Jason gave me permission to be Sensei, maybe even a role model. I help guide him on his path as he invents the greater-than version of himself. When someone grants their permission to be Sensei, to help guide them in inventing the greater-than versions of themselves, that’s what I do. Just saying.

The late Mizukami Sensei had done that for me and gave me life. That’s the late Mizukami Sensei’s profound legacy. Now, as Sensei did for me, I give life to others, too. That’s my responsibility. Amen.

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