Emily Mendell wants to make sure her sons are prepared for the world when they embark on their adult journey and has created a checklist to help them.
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It was another harbinger of the inevitable. My oldest son informed us a few weeks ago that he wanted to take his girlfriend out to dinner over Valentine’s Day weekend. He had the venue picked out and was regularly depositing his paycheck into a bank account so that he could use his debit card to pay the bill. Our kid was growing up — and there continued to be nothing I could do about it. Or was there?
Mom, can you make a reservation for two?
I didn’t think twice. Of course I could help my sweet boy arrange for a nice evening. I jumped on Open Table and when the restaurant wasn’t listed there, I made the phone call. Dinner for two. Saturday night. 6:30. Done. I was pleased for him — and proud of myself for the assist. But then I started to wonder if he would know how to use the debit card with the server when the meal was over. Sure, he had seen my husband and I pay for meals and calculate gratuities countless times. But when alone in the wilderness of mediocre dining, could he fend for himself?
I wasn’t certain, and made a mental note to run through it with him before the big night. Yup — before my son heads off to college, he needs to know how to confidently execute this social maneuver that we adults have taken for granted. Hmm. He probably needs to know how to make a restaurant reservation as well.
Darn. In helping him arrange his evening, I had missed a teachable moment.
The parental slip got me thinking about all of the lessons my boys have yet to learn before they leave the nest and frankly, the list I came up with in a minute’s time left me a little panicked. So, in an effort to maintain some semblance of control of a situation over which I have none, I created ‘the bubble list.’
Since we grownups have a bucket list of things we must do before we kick the bucket, our kids have a bubble list of things they must do before they leave the bubble of our home and our protection.
As my sons go hurtling towards independence, both my husband and I are here to help them check the following off their list:
The Bubble List
- Write a check
- Pay a bill
- Make travel arrangements
- Navigate an airport, train or bus station
- Deal with a cancelled flight
- Take a taxi
- Catch the subway
- Plunge a toilet
- Change a tire
- Check the oil
- Shave with a razor
- Withdraw cash from an ATM
- Pay for dinner
- Self-prescribe over the counter meds
- Call a doctor
- Cook a meal
- Cancel a membership
- Buy clothes
- Return a purchase
- Pack a suitcase (without inspection)
- Do the laundry
- Iron a shirt
- Go food shopping for themselves
- Negotiate a deal
- Make hospital corners
- Sew a button
- Remove a stain
- Replace a fuse
- Remove a splinter
- Enjoy a drink responsibly
- Say “no” with confidence
As I reflected on this list, I was struck by how long it was. I wonder what I had missed and how much we will be able to cover in real time before they leave. But even more so, I can’t help but fret about those lessons that will never be on this list — the ones that we can’t prepare them for, no matter how much we wish we could. The how to’s for getting their hearts broken, failing a test, losing a friend, standing up for themselves, feeling disillusioned, disappointing someone who matters or saying they are sorry. I can’t create those practice scenarios for them — only the universe can. And they inevitably take place outside the bubble.
So we will get busy on the list — with one final item added:
BONUS: When hurting and in doubt, call home
When it comes to this skill, there is no such thing as too much practice.
Originally published on The Huffington Post
I like this list a lot! As a 35 year old man (Morehouse College Alum) I am proud to say that my parents made sure that I could successfully complete the majority of the tasks listed before going to college. As the parent of the soon to be West Point cadet stated, there will be some things learned rather quickly when they leave home. One extremely important omission (in my opinion) is knowing how to use a condom correctly! As the reference to drinking deferred to responsibility, we cannot be apathetic to the the need for sexual responsibility either. Nor… Read more »
One more:
How to turn off the master switch for electricity, or the tap for incoming water, for your house or apartement.
As one mom to another, though, I want to give you my kudos for raising smart. self-reliant men! It’s a great list, but as a mother of a boy who is now a grown man, I think I’d add a few more things to it. Experience has shown me that a lot of young people were never taught these basic skills: 1. How to grocery shop, using concepts like budgeting, menu planning, and nutrition 2. How to cook a variety of nutritious foods from scratch 3. How to properly load and run a dishwasher 4. How to properly wash clothes… Read more »
I agree with all of these except for two. They don’t need to learn to make hospital corners. (I actually know how but HAVE NEVER used it except for the one time it was required for a job.) Beds just get messy anyways. It’s largely a waste of time. Also, no sure about this one “Pay for dinner”. They absolutely should be able to pay for their meal (and be able to calculate the 20% tip on it) but I don’t think they should be paying for other people’s meals necessarily. So I wasn’t sure what you meant by it.… Read more »
Apply for a job!. Amazing how many kids can’t do this own their own.
And also how to behave at a job interview, and how to behave at a job!
I think there’s one skill that we can all teach our kids (and I take it from the movie Starship Troopers, of all possible places): • Figuring things out for yourself The quote from the film: “Figuring things out for yourself is the only real freedom you’re ever going to get” This pretty much covers everything you’ll ever need. If you can teach them this skill, then whatever the situation, they’ll be able to get there in the end. They will know how to make it up as they go along… just like those adults we admire (KKZ) … figuring… Read more »
I second Luke’s suggestion above – teach them how to execute a move, from packing to hiring help to changing addresses and setting up utilities. Because if they’re anything like me and my peers, they will be moving a lot in their first few years of independence. I remember my first time paying for a meal with a debit card and realizing just that moment that I had no idea what I was doing. Teach them how to navigate healthcare choices and how health insurance works. How to find a new doctor when you move towns, how to dispute a… Read more »
Hi KKZ,
(Basic toilet repair is also not a bad idea.)
“Plunge a toilet ” was actually on the list 😉
But of course, knowing how to replace a broken seal is also a good idea.
This list applies equally to daughters.
Right, but the list only exists because there exists a stereotype that sons are bumbling, helpless mama-children living in their parent’s basement long after they should have moved out because they could not survive on their own. Until they find a wife who will take over the job from their mother.
The list is not for daughters, because that stereotype does not exist for daughters.
This list is for sons because the author of the list has sons. She didn’t say anything about it being a gendered list. I think it applies to either gender and it’s not the fault of the author that she only has sons. It doesn’t make this a sexist stereotype.
If it wasn’t a sexist stereotype it would have said “children” rather than sons. The stereotype is implied in the title of the article.
For christ’s sake, this is the good MEN project. Seriously! Remember what site you’re on! And check out the submissions guidelines – an article should be focused at or about men/boys/sons. Jesus. Yes, there are those stereotypes and men get a raw deal occasionally but this is not one of those times!
Good god people, do you know what site you’re on? It’s the Good MEN project. Have you looked at the submission guidelines? Any article has to be by men OR focussed on men/boys/sons. Yes, men are occasionally the butt of a sexist stereotype or a sexist article but this is not one of those times. I’m sorry this author did not include the #notallmen hashtag for you but come on, this is in the RAISING BOYS section, not the RAISING CHILDREN section.
(I’m not shouting, I can’t seem to find another way to add emphasis)
How to Dance with a Women or Girl! How to ask her! List applies to girls too! Good for both.
If I’m being honest I was prepared to roll my eyes a little at this list but ended up agreeing with almost everything. I really like the inclusion of the travel related items: 3, 4 & 5. I’m 27 and I’m always astounded how many of my peers cannot do these. And I really like how number 30 is now “say no to alcohol,” but rather, “enjoy a drink responsibly”-smart & realistic.
Sounds like you’ve taught them a very important one that is not on the list – how to appreciate an independent woman.
Great list Emily. My son is headed to West Point next year. I think he’s pretty solid on most of this.
I highly doubt he can iron a shirt…but I’m going to assume he will learn that in a hurry when he gets there.
There are always more 🙂
1) Clean a house (including toilet and bathroom)
2) Change address details when you move house
3) Save Money (10% of income is good)
4) Duties/Responsibilities of a host with guests
The list can get bigger but a lot can be learned over time if you teach them just these two things
Take responsibility for your life
Learn from your mistakes