Jackie Summers, on technique.
“Technique is noticed most markedly in the case of those who have not mastered it.” ~ Leon Trotsky
—
RSVP to join weekly calls on Love, Sex & Relationships
—
A brief recap:
In The Exquisite Lover part 1 we established three key elements for great sex: passion, technique and resonance, and extolled passion as that elusive component than can be neither learned nor faked.
Sadly, in and of itself, passion is insufficient. There is no amount of passion that can absolve the sin of clumsy ineptitude. Technique is the mechanism by which passion finds expression. Without technical mastery there can be no artistry, as expertise transforms desire into ability.
Unlike passion, the great thing about technique is that anyone can learn it. Unfortunately there is no formal institute for the Study of Carnal Knowledge. How does one satisfy the search for sexual sapience?
You learn from the masters.
Sex has been around for a long time, and many ancient cultures dedicated themselves to its study. Ancient Taoists saw coitus as a spiritual practice, believing the life of a body was in the fluids. This meant every time a man ejaculated he diminished his limited supply of “qi,” (氣) or life energy, thereby shortening his life, whereas creation and exchange of bodily fluids via orgasm greatly increased a woman’s vitality. Based on this, sexual techniques were developed to allow a man to separate his orgasm from ejaculation, postpone ejaculation indefinitely, significantly decrease–or eliminate entirely–his refractory period, have multiple orgasms, and artfully give as many orgasms to his partner as she could stand. Having as much sex possible rejuvenated your jing (精) restored vitality and lengthened life.
Interestingly, the greatest periods of strife in Ancient China came when Confucianism (puritanical) replaced Taoism (sexually liberal) as the dominant system of belief. During the Han Dynasty when the sexual arts reached their peak (pun intended) China enjoyed a prolonged period of peace. When Confucianism became the dominant religious system during the Qing dynasty, public discussion of sex became taboo. Shortly thereafter they entered a period known as “The Warring States,” two-and-a-half centuries of continual warfare.
Has a better case ever been made for World Peace?
East Indian sexual compendiums such as the Ananga Ranga, Koka Shastra and the Perfumed Garden were written for aristocracy and focused on the physiological differences between men and women. Despite the well-meaning claims of our founding fathers, not all men are created equal. Modern medicine has mastered making dicks harder, but they’re still fervently working on how to make them bigger. If–metaphysically speaking–you were a horse and your woman was a deer, there was a position that provided the most stimulation for both partners. Conversely, ideal positions if a woman was an “elephant” (an actual term from the Kama Sutra) and her partner was only a bull.
Let’s face it, size matters, but even a mack truck looks small driving through the Holland Tunnel.
The acquisition of knowledge however, is only meant to be the beginning. Mastery is the ability to put information into practice; the difference between knowing and doing, between capacity (quantitative) and ability (qualitative). Technical proficiency is meant to put as many arrows in your sexual quiver as possible but cannot teach you how to aim.
Once skills have been mastered it’s important to resist the temptation to become mechanistic. Dependence on technique denotes lack of imagination, and as Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge.” Nowhere is this more important than in the boudoir. The hardest part of mastery is making it appear effortless. In the words of Pablo Casals, “the most perfect technique is that which is not noticed at all.”
Passionate virtuosity achieved is still not without limits. Devoid of emotional content, even the best unconnected sex will ultimately leave you bereft. Why does resonance add so much depth and dimension to sex?
***
Read The Exquisite Lover, Part One, here.
Read The Exquisite Lover, Part Three, here.
***
RSVP to join weekly calls on Love, Sex & Relationships
–
What Next? Talk with others. Take action.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join now!
Join The Good Men Project Community
The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $20 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $5, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission.
Register New Account
*Payment is by PayPal.
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. PLATINUM MEMBER commenting badge and listing on our “Friends of The Good Men Project” page.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($20 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($5 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, a listing on our Friends page, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have calls about these topics 7 days a week! Join us by becoming a Platinum or Gold member. (Click on the graphic for more information about the calls and to RSVP for them.)
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
◊♦◊
—
© J Summers 2012
photo of couple dramatic image by Shutterstock
I was with you right up until you undermined your whole premise by saying, “Let’s face it, size matters, but even a mack truck looks small driving through the Holland Tunnel.” Basically you’re saying great sex doesn’t doesn’t stand a chance unless a woman is tight which is a. insulting to women and b. you already made your point clearly in the previous sentence. I’m all for physical compatibility, but, as a woman, I am struggling to respect your word choice especially within a series of articles intending to encourage mutual respect, trust, passion, and sexual intimacy! If you want… Read more »
While reading this series it reminded of this poem I wrote. It’s actually about my guitar xP Hopefully it’ll move someone sensually 😉 She lies naked on the bed, covered only by the thin sheets. Her neck, gently rested on a pillow. The slow curves of her body revealed by linen shadows, cast by a pale afternoon glow peeping through the open window. Her earthy scent begs me to caress her bodice with my arms, but she only needs me to fondle her with my fingers in a light strum. She would beg me to stroke harder, but I’d need… Read more »
One note: I still don’t understand the emphasis on size. BIGGER IS NOT BETTER. At least not in my experience.
The Kama Sutra actually makes a point of this – the ‘hare’ man is best with a ‘deer’ woman, the ‘bull’ with ‘mare,’ etc.. Matching genital size (where possible) usually makes for more pleasurable sex.
Also, kindness always for me enhances the experience. – and its manifestation is often gentleness …
A good lover, such a hard thing to find. I sincerely dont even know if its that the man is a good lover or if the chemistry between the couple makes the good lover. Ive had two good lovers and its an intoxicating, liberating feeling. It makes a woman feel beautiful, powerful and confident to no end. Whats funny its atleast in my experience those men are not good in a relationship. They are terrible with commitment and are great liars. I describe them as beautiful birds that you cannot cage but are so fortunate if they perch in your… Read more »
It’s cool to talk about technique but where’s the step by step? Do you have a link to a step by step technique guide or some suggestions?
You know, there’s a surprising amount of information available in rather straightforward places. Wikimedia has amazing picture of vaginas fully labeled. Get your terms down, and do some science. I don’t think there’s an obvious step by step (what works on one woman won’t work on all), but we all have the same parts. I can’t believe how many men I’ve slept with who can’t really find a clitoris. One of the hardest things about sex as a woman is what I call ‘the Race’ which is the idea that if I don’t orgasm before my partner, I won’t get… Read more »
Well that is some fascinating stuff! I wish we were having more of these kind of conversations about sex instead of the sensationlism of sex that I am even endangered of being drawn to, too much. Great series Jackie. I love the conversation you are openning up here. On the topic of technique, I find that the softess of touches that are fine tuned and given with a lot of passion and heart are the ones that make my heart beat the fastest. Sadly, sometimes they are left to the side in favor of more obvious forms of technique and… Read more »
*found*
Not a claim; merely an observation of coincidence. Glad you cloud humor in it.
JFB
I liked the article but the claim that Taoism v. Confucianism was the reason for war and strife in the empire is actually hilarious. Good way to start off the morning though hahaha.