The Frustrating Truth About Self-Help Books You Can’t Ignore

There are two types of self-help readers.

Those that read the books.
Those that study the books.

If you have been reading self-help books for years and are still trying to find your answers, motivation, direction and purpose, I would guess you’re in Camp 1. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m also there in certain areas of my life!

I have achieved great success in two areas of my life — my love life and my health and fitness, but professional and financial success continues to elude me.

I have worked with clients who have consistently achieved their goals and a few that have yet to get anywhere.

So, what is the difference between those of us that make good progress and those that stay in the same place?

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Many of us pick up a book, hoping it will change our lives. We’re looking for the bit of magic that will flip our switch from unsuccessful to successful in whatever area of our life we are currently dissatisfied with.

We impatiently read it from cover to cover, skipping over the exercises and suggestions because we want to get to the end and receive the prize — abundance, love, success, happiness, clarity, or achievement.

When we don’t see any results, we blame the book and move on to another one, hoping that this one will contain the elusive answer to all our problems and show us exactly what to do to achieve our goals.

But the books all say the same thing in one way or another. The magic doesn’t come from the book (or coaching) itself. It comes from what we do with the information we have consumed.

We think reading a book and doing a couple of visualisations when we get time is enough. We can’t understand how this book has supposedly changed the lives of so many people because we find ourselves still stuck in the same place.

The others aren’t lying, though. We are the ones that have got things wrong, not the book.

The real “Secret.”

Camp 2 knows it. Those smashing their goals realise it, as do those skipping through life without a care in the world and the “lucky” ones that have everything effortlessly fall into their laps.

I know it. I just don’t do it within specific areas of my life, which is so annoying!

These people read self-help books, often multiple times over, just like we do. But they approach the book as something to help them along the way, knowing their personal growth is an ongoing process. They do not expect the book to contain their answers. They study the content and apply it. They repeat what works and disregard what doesn’t. They find their own answers within the knowledge they are digesting.

Every time they reread a book, something else jumps out at them because they are reading it from a different viewpoint — they have grown since reading it previously.

The secret to successful self-help and personal growth is that it’s not a one-time project. It’s an ongoing process that requires commitment, dedication and effort.

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There are so many of us serial self-helpers still dreaming of the good life rather than living it because most of us aren’t prepared to put the work in. We mistakenly believe the reading (or coaching session) is the work.

But that’s just the starting point. It’s what you do as a result of reading it that will get you where you want to be.

The two areas in which I have achieved ongoing success are areas I have tirelessly worked at. I’ve made mistakes, switched strategies, reflected on the lessons learned, and had moments of giving up trying.

It took me years to find true love and happiness, and my healthy lifestyle is something I continuously work at. They didn’t just appear after reading a book on relationships or an article on maintaining a healthy weight.

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If you are struggling to find or achieve something in your life, you must stop reading and start studying and applying.

Stop swapping books, approaches and perspectives and accept that things take time and effort.

That person who said the book changed their life — the change did not happen all in one go. That big change was the result of lots of small adjustments.

Choose one or two books, read them repeatedly and apply the lessons. Stop when the book says to stop and do the work before moving on. Study the material, don’t just read it.

I know you want what you want right now, but that’s not going to happen. You’re wasting your time rushing through these books. Progress will be slower in the long run, and you risk not making any progress at all.

Self-help books only help when you help yourself (hence the term “self”-help).

The sooner you start putting in the time and effort, the sooner those small adjustments will build up to the change you desire.

Then you can join Camp 2 and declare that certain books changed your life (knowing full well that you did the work, not the book).

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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