Fellas, imagine you offer a date to a lovely girl you like — to which she enthusiastically accepts.
Being the gentleman you are, you offer to pick her up, but on the day, she makes you wait one hour without an explanation.
Since you are an understanding man, you chose to ignore it because you figured something more pressing must have come up unexpectedly.
However, when you arrive at your date location, The Cheesecake Factory, your date unequivocally refuses to go.
Her reasoning being that going to The Cheesecake Factory for a woman of her caliber would be an insult. She will accept nothing less than dinner at a high-end restaurant.
What would you do if you were in this man’s position?
And for the ladies out there.
If a seemingly nice gentleman offered a date and made it seem like he was going to take you somewhere fancy, only for you to discover it’s nothing more than a mid to low-end casual dining establishment.
Would you feel like your date was under-appreciating you and not going all in to impress and win you over?
…
Cheesecake Factory first date rejection goes viral
The above scenario recently befell an Atlanta couple who go by the names Jay and Alicia.
The whole ordeal was actually recorded by Alicia as proof of the supposed poor treatment women have to put up with on dates.
The video was then shared by TikTok creator Monique Santos and has since gone off into the viral stratosphere, garnering over a million views and a barrage of comments — some taking the woman’s side and others the man’s.
For better context, you can watch the full video sourced from The Atlanta Black Star here.
Tables Turn on Disastrous Cheesecake Factory First Date
Both are to blame in this case
I’m not one to pick sides here, as I believe both are at fault.
Starting with Alicia:
The sense of entitlement with this lady is nothing short of insane.
When did women start feeling they can now make demands about where their date takes them out, especially when they are not the ones paying for it?
Just because you think you are all that doesn’t mean guys owe you the world. It’s frustrating to hear women like Alicia harp on about how their beauty is somehow a magical currency that can be used to get a man’s time, attention, and resources.
But putting aside the entitlement, she showed Jay two forms of blatant disrespect:
- Even though Jay arrived on time, she made him wait one whole hour.
- She had the audacity to lock him out of his car as he went round to open her side of the passenger door and then proceeded to chastise him as if he was a disobedient child, all while recording him for the world to see. What happened to the idea of putting your smartphone aside while on a date?
As for Jay:
While I originally did say I’m not picking a side, I’m still going to place most of the blame on Jay here, but only because everything that transpired was entirely his responsibility. He was, after all, the one who asked Alicia out, and as a man, he is expected to take the lead.
If I were in Jay’s shoes and Alicia made me wait one hour, the date would have been over, no ifs, ands, or buts. Tardiness is unacceptable, especially if there is no good reason and a heartfelt apology to go along with it.
This is why meeting on location for the first date is sometimes the most prudent thing to do. If things don’t work out, everyone can go their merry way without much fanfare. Leave the “I will pick you up at your place” for the second or third date. At least by then, you will have a clearer idea of who you are dealing with.
As for choosing The Cheesecake Factory as a date spot, well, I don’t see a problem with that. In fact, the location is irrelevant.
Women will meet you inside a cardboard box for a date if the interest is high enough. The demanding bitchy attitude displayed by Alicia was a sign as clear as day that she had low interest, but that went over Jay’s head. It shows me he doesn’t have much experience dating women.
However, I will commend him for one thing.
While debating with Jay on the merits of taking a girl to the Cheesecake Factory, Alicia came to realize the original plan was to go somewhere high-end, but because she was one hour late, Jay had to cancel the reservation.
After learning about this, Alicia tried to push Jay into making new reservation, but he rightfully refused and told her he was ending the date and dropping her ass back home right there and then — kudos to you Jay.
Some men would have put up with the bullshit and made a new reservation, believing it would buy them some brownie points and possibly sex.
…
It’s dog-eat-dog in the dating world nowadays
Sadly, these types of scenarios have become all too common in the dating sphere.
Far too many people are going on first dates with expectations that go beyond what is realistic or conducive to building genuine connections.
Women like Alicia expect to be treated like queens while showing none of the queenly behavior one would expect. All they do is coast on their beauty without providing much value.
Men like Jay display typical ‘nice guy’ traits such as being polite, accommodating, and passive, but they also have their own set of expectations.
In the cheesecake date video, Jay explicitly mentioned that because he was taking Alicia to a nice restaurant, he expected her to cooperate. And by ‘cooperate,’ he meant being allowed to wait in Alicia’s house and having her wrap her arm around him as they walked to and from their date.
These transactional sentiments are not all that uncommon among men. They go all in on these dates, trying to impress the object of their desire while expecting sex and or romantic companionship even though they don’t show confidence, charm, and a strong sense of self — the very qualities women find sexually appealing.
…
The first date is just an introduction
Unless two people have known each other for some time, first dates should be treated as an introduction into each other’s world and nothing more.
It’s important to keep expectations in check.
The more expectations and demands we place on each other the harder dating becomes for everyone. It creates a high-pressure environment where any slight offense or mishap is perceived as the greatest injustice of all.
Perhaps, we need to start viewing each other as individuals. Or dare I say, friends who you can be intimate with when the time is right. Viewing potential romantic encounters this way eliminates the need to impress or please.
I’m not suggesting that people spend months or years in platonic relationships if that’s not what they want. I’m just suggesting an alternative to the typical dating scene that’s more likely to attract disingenuous parties.
By removing first-date expectations, we might start building a more open and accepting dating culture…one where we don’t need to splurge or be intimate just to be liked.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Ben White on Unsplash
