So it’s 2 a.m. and a friend tells me how bad a day it’s been
and their desire to stop eating.
I don’t tell them I haven’t had a real meal in…
After an uncomfortable silence, they turn to me and say,
“I knew I could talk to you about this
because you’re the only one of our friends who understands.”
When she says this, I can’t keep from hearing, “I’m talking to you
about this because all of our friends are size 4, and you’re four sizes bigger
than I am, so there’s no way you’re comfortable in your body either.”
No, this body is not comfortable,
has never been “comfortable.”
This body wears jeans that say “love yourself” in the slogan.
This body hates being told to love itself.
This body doesn’t know how to love itself.
This body– because nobody else wants to love it.
This body, it’s too big.
Oftentimes, it starts wanting to disappear,
never wanting to eat again.
It feels as though it’s always the topic of conversation when it enters a room.
This body doesn’t get how she can be sick.
It’s self-hatred for understanding.
How my self-destructive habits are somehow validation of her.
Oh, this body has scars from every time you tried to cut calories,
[inaudible] out of our diet wasn’t enough.
This body will never be enough.
This body feels like a trap.
This body hates its relationship with gravity.
Someone once told this body it had its own gravitational pull.
This body never wears swimsuits without shorts,
avoids mirrors in dressing rooms at all costs.
This body wants to be covered in art, at least then, it’ll be pretty.
This body has never felt pretty.
This body feels like people meet it before meeting me.
If you want to comprehend this body,
you must understand that it is uncomfortable,
but despite that, this body is a home.
It carries the heartbeat keeping me alive,
keeps me breathing even when I don’t want to be.
This body says, “Fuck your beauty standards.”
This body has more fight left than the wars I’ve raged against it.
And this body will not give in!
(cheers and applause)
Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.