Having recently separated from my partner, I have been overwhelmed by the sheer volume of legal, emotional and material things that have needed my attention. Prior to divorce, I had rehearsed over and over breaking the news to my son, and begun to mentally divide my ex-wife’s and my possessions and assets.
In the two decades between 1994 and 2013, there were an average of over 137,000 divorces per year in the UK – a total of 2.8 million couples going their separate ways. This is down from the 2.9 million divorces in the twenty years preceding.
One thing which I hadn’t prepared for was how divorce will impact on death in our now-fragmented family.
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While divorce rates are declining, it’s still a relatively recent cultural phenomenon. Until 1969, there had to be proof of adultery, cruelty, desertion or “incurable insanity” in order for a divorce to be granted. Now, under the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, a divorce may be sought on the basis of one of five “facts” to prove the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage; adultery, behaviour, desertion, 5 years of legal separation, or 2 years of separation with mutual consent to divorce.
This means that in the last half-century, divorce has become more culturally acceptable than ever before. This has presented a whole host of challenges for the modern family; not least of which being matters of end-of-life planning and death.
One thing which I hadn’t prepared for was how divorce will impact on death in our now-fragmented family.
During the legal proceedings of a divorce, any existing wills should be updated. If you don’t have a will, now is the time to get one. The death of a person without a will is known legally as dying intestate, and there are common laws that apply. Until the divorce is final, your spouse can still inherit all of your personal property and estate; or the first £250,000 of your estate if you have surviving children.
Divorce will also impact how you deal with the death of your ex-spouse and family members.
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If you have a funeral plan in place, this may also need revisited. As our families change, so our end of life wishes may change as well. For instance, where you wish to rest prior to burial or cremation may have changed if your housing situation has changed due to divorce. If you don’t have a funeral plan, many do include a will, meaning you can attend to all of these items in one transaction. Similarly, if you have joint funeral arrangements – for example, if you had intended to be buried in the same plot as your spouse – these should be revised as well.
It is also advisable to update any Power of Attorney plans you have in place. If you had named your ex-spouse as your Lasting Power of Attorney, this will become null and void in light of a divorce. Again, divorce can serve as a timely reminder to ensure these affairs are in order. A Lasting Power of Attorney allows you to appoint someone to deal with your affairs should you become unable – for instance, due to a medical condition.
Having these things in order will at least be one less thing to worry about.
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Divorce will also impact how you deal with the death of your ex-spouse and family members. As yet, there doesn’t seem to be a standard etiquette that applies to funeral attendance. If there has been discord as a result of your divorce, it is important to weigh up whether your attendance might exacerbate the grief of closer family members in attendance. On the other hand, you may have maintained relationships with your ex and their family, in which case, the decision may be easier. Of course, you may not wish to go at all; in which case, will this affect children or grandchildren you share with your ex-spouse?
Thinking about death at the time of a divorce may feel like too much burden to bear. However, as your family changes, it is often helpful to face these issues head on. And having these things in order will at least be one less thing to worry about.
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