Ty Phillips confronts the ultimate question.
___
Will today be the day that I die?
I wake each day with a similar thought in my mind. Many will find this as a symptom of me being morose—a man bound in anxiety. The truth of the matter is, I take this long and lonely look each morning as a reminder that life is short, precious and precarious. A common Buddhist teaching is that we do not know what will come next—the next day or the next life. To take even one precious moment for granted is wasteful.
So I sit, I breathe and I look at the day before and the day ahead. If I die today, will my family be left with pride or shame? Will my actions have been for the betterment of those around me, or simply for myself?
When I was young, my mother told me that evil people, pagans, heathens, and those in rebellion towards god, live life saying, eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die. We live in fixed moments of self, partying, lying, cheating, and hoarding all in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. Both of these extremes haunted me for years.
If I were to die today, what could I possibly do now that would matter?
|
If I were to die today, what could I possibly do now that would matter? Work? Reading scripture? Sitting alone in seclusion? What about living it up? Draining each moment for all it is worth in order to gratify myself? Wine, women, and money—the traditional western view on vice. Fight and fornicate. Be all I can be, but only for myself.
Each view leaves little to be desired. I have lived both. I have lived guilt free and guilt ridden. I have been a man of vice and a man of God, or so I thought. I was, like all other beings, simply looking for a sense of peace. A sense of my place in a world that holds no answers, no outcome, and seemingly no purpose.
Breaking free from these extreme thoughts took time, persistence, and a willingness to be open to truth as it was not as I wished it to be. The lessons were painful as I clung to the desire to mold the world around my perceptions, It took more than just a little struggle to change this outlook.
Now, I climb outside, sitting in the sun and watching the cottonwood seeds lazily drift on a soft summer breeze. I sniffle slightly. My allergies are scolding me, but I still sit. I silently take in all the wonder and beauty of life. God or no God, I find it doesn’t really matter. I can only take my wonder into the next moment and share it with those I meet.
I find my place in life and instead of forcing meaning from the unknown, I find meaning in letting go and trying to interact fully with all that surrounds me.
|
A helping hand, a smile, a gift of time and love. It may mean everything or it may mean nothing but within these soft transactions, I find peace. I find my place in life and instead of forcing meaning from the unknown, I find meaning in letting go and trying to interact fully with all that surrounds me. Like that free cottonwood puff, I watch as it breaks free, floats gently on the wind and meets firmly with the ground below.
With neither intent nor firm direction, it is comfortable within the space it has. From seed to sapling, to a new life giver of its own, it was open without a struggle.
So, if I die today, will I have lived so honestly? Will my transactions reflect a man trying to force a needed idea of himself, or a person who feels safe enough to understand that his encounters do not need direction any more than the cottonwood seed?
Shantideva said, in his Prayer of the Bodhisattva, “May I be a guard for those who are protectorless, a guide for those who journey. For those who wish to cross the water, may I be a boat, a raft, a bridge.” These words mirror the wish to be, without the desire to control; to arise as the situation requires.
So if I perish today, was I a friend and father, a teacher and guide, or was I a distraction, a foe, a block in the way of those also trying to find simple peace? I may never fully know how I will be remembered and that is okay. All I can do is offer love in this moment to those who are near or far. I can be shelter without request for return.
What if you died today?
Photo—Stephan Ridgway/Flickr
Just about one year ago, I was diagnosed with PD (Parkinsons Disease). Not only was dying earlier than I expected suddenly a reality, but also the likelyhood that I would die in a very compromised and dependent way virtually assured. Suddenly the awful thought presented itself that I was not only cheated of years with the people I love, but the likelyhood that their memories of me might well be tarnished by dementia, dissapation of financial security in supporting me, diminshed emotional interaction and my being a huge burden. So beyond the fears of being physically incapacitated there is the… Read more »
Happiness For Life: Be Happy, Moment to Moment. You never know, “Tomorrow may never come…” (1) PURPOSE: Continue to Live a Life of Purpose. Courage to be Real Self. (2) PERSONALITY: Do the things that I desire to do, vis-a-vis Staying on Vision/Goals. But Focus on “Being”, and NOT on the Outcomes/Results. (3) PLEASURE And HOMEOSTASIS: Always ensure that everyday I will do some (if not all) of the things/activities that makes me MOST HAPPY. (4) PASSION FOR LIFE: By being immersed into Life (With situation, event, or people). Stay in the Present (Be At Peace With Myself, Feeling Total… Read more »