What Other Cultures Do Differently from Americans When it Comes to Love

I met a beautiful woman from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, whom I befriended on a train ride. It was an innocent conversation about traveling. When she showed me a picture of her husband, I expected to see a gentleman who appeared to be rich and handsome.

This was not the case at all.

This was me looking at her marriage from an American perspective. Americans, particularly U.S. citizens, tend to be shallow when it comes to valuing people in relationships. We value beauty and prestige in relationships.

This was another lesson learned about how the world is different outside of my country, and the lessons I continued to learn regarding dating as an American.

Americans approach dating and love in a way that differs from the rest of the world.

Other Countries Value Culture Over Everything

The United States is a country with a strong individualistic culture, and that culture is stronger than any group or social culture.

I have visited over 40 countries around the world, and one thing they have in common is that culture is stronger than one’s personal dating preferences. The United States is a country where dating who you want is encouraged, regardless of race, religion, or gender.

The United States values aspects of relationships, such as appearance, status, and prestige. This image is strongly associated with media portrayals of actors and public figures being put on pedestals.

The average US citizen tricks themselves into trying to emulate this image when it comes to dating. This leads to a very empty and shallow road regarding dating.

The differences that I noticed in other countries:

Hollywood looks had little to do with how other cultures choose their mates. The standard for attractiveness varies by country, which is typically influenced by the media in each region.
These cultures preferred legacy, tradition, and cultural preservation over superficial things, such as ensuring their mate resembled a trendy Hollywood star.
The U.S. is Highly Individualistic, and foreign cultures often aren’t.
In the U.S., individual choice and personal freedom are emphasized.
People often define relationships based on personal preferences rather than social traditions.

I remember an ex who admitted to me that she only dated me because I looked like a celebrity she was obsessed with. In countries outside of the US, this is a non-factor.

In other words, the stronger the cultural cohesion, the stronger the dating norms.

Other Countries Disregard the Media

Whoever controls the media, the images, controls the culture. — Allen Ginsberg

If you could take a time machine and ask people from the US in the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s what they looked for in a potential partner, all you would have to do is look at what was popular culture during those times.

The media’s influence on how Americans view dating differs from that of the rest of the world.

I didn’t realize how strong a hold the media had on my dating choices. I used to listen to R&B music all the time, and I would try to emulate the fictional stories from the songs and bring them to life in real life.

Now I understand why some countries ban certain social media apps due to their strong influence.

Less Exposure to Hyper-Individualized Media

American dating has been profoundly shaped by:

Hollywood, reality TV, rom-coms
Apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge
Social media culture (sharing dating updates, DMs, ghosting)

In contrast, other countries often have:

Stricter media controls or more conservative values in entertainment.
More value is placed on discretion and modesty.
Dating that’s community-led, not media-influenced.

Places like India, while not banned entirely, the Central Board of Film Certification often cuts or restricts:

Kissing scenes
Religious satire
Images of excessive violence or drug use
Bollywood often self-censors to avoid backlash.

“Trust me, Wilbur. People are very gullible. They’ll believe anything they see in print.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

Other Countries View Love as a Social Contract vs. Personal Feeling

Love who you love

In the US, this mindset is highly acceptable. It is sufficient to get into relationships based on feelings and love. Getting into relationships and treating them like a business relationship isn’t normal. The US is a country where personal freedoms are valued, and this includes loving whomever you want to love, regardless of the consequences.

In other countries, there are consequences, and sometimes those consequences can be severe.

Collectivist Values Still Shape Relationships

In many non-Western countries (e.g., India, China, Nigeria, Egypt), the family, religion, and community play a direct role in who and how you date.

Dating isn’t just about two people; it’s about aligning families and social expectations.
“Modern dating” often coexists alongside traditional norms, rather than replacing them.

In India, even highly educated urban professionals may still involve parents in partner selection or consider caste, language, or religion when dating.

In the U.S.:

Love is seen as deeply personal and emotional.
Romantic love is often considered the foundation for marriage.
Choosing your partner independently is a cultural norm.

In many Asian, Middle Eastern, and African cultures:

Love is often seen as a social and family contract, not just an emotion.
Marriages may involve arranged or semi-arranged components, with family approval seen as essential.
Pragmatism over passion, stability, and compatibility are prioritized over butterflies.

“Marry the person your family loves, and love will follow.” — common Indian proverb

Other Countries’ View of Love in Media: Fantasy vs. Realism

In the United States, love is handed to us through rose-colored glasses, especially when we are children watching Disney movies.

Relationships are portrayed as the end-all, be-all situations. The media and social norms put dating relationships on a pedestal and influence American culture to attach their self-worth to being taken rather than being single.

Pop culture once again takes the reins of how US citizens view dating and relationships.

U.S. Pop Culture:

Romantic comedies, love at first sight, and passion overcoming all obstacles.
The “Hollywood Love Story” Blueprint
“Situationships” and Ambiguous Norms
Music and Media That Center Emotion and Drama, like American music (especially pop, R&B, and hip-hop), often equate love with:
Obsession (“I can’t live without you”)
Betrayal (“You played me”)
Passion at all costs

Brazilian Pop Culture:

Telenovelas Shape Relationship Narratives

From Globo’s nightly dramas to long-running romantic series, novelas have a profound influence on how love stories are imagined.
Common themes include:
Forbidden love
Class conflict in relationships
Jealousy and betrayal
The “ideal man/woman” is charming but imperfect.

Romantic Expression is Bold and Open

Influences:

Telenovelas (soap operas)
Popular Brazilian music (MPB, funk, sertanejo)
Celebrity culture

In Brazilian pop culture:

Love is dramatic, passionate, and expressive.
Public affection is widely accepted; kissing, flirting, and romantic gestures are a standard part of daily life.
People are taught from the media that love is meant to be felt out loud, not silently endured.

Differences are not meant to be viewed as good or bad; they are intended to foster situational awareness.

I learned these hard lessons when bringing my American mindset to dating in Brazil. It was an adjustment, especially regarding the touchy-feely gestures, which we Americans are not fans of.

No place is the same.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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