What About Eye Contact? Or Talking? – Eye contact adds to the intimacy of any sexual act, so if you’re kissing with your eyes closed you are missing out. Take a look at your partner eye-to-eye and establish this is a special moment. It doesn’t mean you need to have a staring contest, you might freak your partner out. But sneak a peak every now and then, and if your partner’s eyes are closed, maybe use the next tip about talking, and tell them, in a whisper, “I want to look at you, open your eyes, this feels so special.”
Kissing is a strong language. Does talking ruin the moment? Not always. Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing, says talking can add to the chemistry. His research found the number one sentence most like to hear is: “You’re such a good kisser.” He also suggests, “You’re so beautiful,” “You’re so hot,” or “I never want to stop kissing you.” This does two things. First, it shows you’re serious about who you’re kissing. And second, it communicates you’re in the first stage of what you wish was a closer connection. It’s not just a kiss, it’s the start of something more. Let’s face it, who doesn’t want that from the person they’re kissing?
Sealed With a Kiss, Or Not? – From Alfred Eisenstaedt’s famous photo of the sailor kissing the nurse after World War II, to the lip-lock of gay cowboys Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in the 2005 film Brokeback Mountain, a relationship can truly be sealed with a kiss. It can also break the deal. According to Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of “The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us,” 59% of men and 66% percent of women end a relationship because of a bad first kiss. A kiss is the ultimate litmus test, so much is communicated with a kiss, including the kisser’s ability to be sensitive to his or her partner’s kissing style and to adapt to it.
Men’s saliva contains testosterone that can, over repeated exposure, arouse a woman’s libido and eventually persuade her to mate.
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In addition to opening the door to romance, revealing technique and sensitivity, a kiss may serve an evolutionary purpose. Men’s saliva contains testosterone that can, over repeated exposure, arouse a woman’s libido and eventually persuade her to mate. In addition, in Kirshenbaum’s State University of New York at Albany study, men described kissing as a “means to an end” while women saw it as a route to a deeper relationship. Women are more sensitive to scent and taste, using their senses to detect if the man is the “right match.”
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Kissing includes both nature and nurture. My first real kiss was the moment I first fell in love, and everything about it was perfect. I remember so many others: A kiss atop the Eiffel Tower; a kiss from a special love on New Year’s Eve; a kiss from a man I loved as a friend when we finally took our relationship to the next level; a kiss at the top of a ski slope when I was terrified and needed reassurance; a kiss after years of flirtation, knowing it would be perfection, and a morning kiss after, well, the morning after. Kissing is a connection that is instinctual, romantic, sexual, emotional, nurturing, comforting, gentle, aggressive, protective, vulnerable, confident, scared, and loving. So much can be communicated with a kiss. And that is why, a kiss is more than just a kiss.
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Photo Credit: Shutterstock
Great piece Jenny. So few of us take the time to blend research into a fun topic as you have.
Thanks, Michael, appreciate the feedback.
Here is our commenting policy FYI: https://goodmenproject.com/commenting-policy/
“For me, if a guy couldn’t deliver big time on the first kiss, trust me, there wasn’t a second……” So petty, self centered, and immature. So now we judge one another by one very small aspect of that person’s individuality. He might just be a terrific man in need of a little practice.. This line by you represents so much of what is just totally absurd about dating today. Everyone is looking for instant gratification. How about people starting to be more patient and giving? Like much in life that we are good at, it is the result of repetition… Read more »
I believe that many of these “first” kisses of which Jenny speaks happened decades ago before the collective mentality was instant gratification. I’ve given a relationship more opportunities after a not so stellar first kiss, and frankly, I can’t remember many occasions when the kissing compatibility grew very much. Not that the other person was a bad kisser…. he was just a bad kisser for me.
Is there anything men can do to satisfy women? Seriously..
Do women want men’s souls as well? Nothing is ever good enough. There are always additional demands.
I still say it is character that makes the relationship (if you’re interested in one), not how well a person kiss. Further, I too have discovered that just because she has good character does not mean she is good for me.
Unfortunately Jules, I think you’ve missed the point of the piece, and yes, we do want your soul, in that we want the soul connection. Do you want a soul connection with your partner? It’s a shame your tone is so combative because this piece is just a romantic (and scientific) reflection on how kissing is a part of a romantic relationship. In addition, I quote experts, do not necessarily say every opinion is mine, I am sharing information about the study of, history of, and some sweet memories of kissing.
Thanks Lori for being able to read the real meaning of the post. Of course kissing is not the only thing. It is simply the topic of this article, and of course, the memory of a kiss is a lot of what I write about. A relationship is much more than just kissing. And, a “bad” kisser for one person is another person’s best kisser ever. It’s about chemistry in every way.
Jules, I’m not sure where you are quoting about delivering on the first kiss, but that’s not from my piece. I did not write that, and I do not feel that way. This forum is fine for a discussion, but not for name calling such as “petty, immature and self-centered” as you don’t know me. Lori’s comment really sums it up when she says “I’ve given a relationship more opportunities after a not so stellar first kiss, and frankly, I can’t remember many occasions when the kissing compatibility grew very much. Not that the other person was a bad kisser….… Read more »
@ Jenny, “Jules, I’m not sure where you are quoting about delivering on the first kiss, but that’s not from my piece.” See Mary McLarurine comment above. My comment was in direct reply to her remark. I made not such comment about your piece. Yes, I am well aware of the substance of your piece Jenny. I have no issue with it. It is as you say. As I stated, my comment was in direct response to Mary’s that I felt was offensive. Just because the first kiss from a man is not toe curling or amazing, I guess it… Read more »
Fine, I did misunderstand, however you do say, “Same mentality you have Jenny,” so you do in fact seem to be lumping me into the same category. Can you see how I might get that impression? And, you may be a long-time commenter, but in this case you are not following our commenting policy because while you may not be calling me names, you call another commenter names. We are a safe space for everyone to comment and say how they feel. You may disagree and you may even be offended, which you are welcome to say. You do not… Read more »
Duly noted.
Jenny
Jules is actually a gem.
GMP would be boring without him and I love him deeply.
He has a certain style, a very Jules way of talking,and when you get to know him you will see he is a sweet guy that is emotionally honest and bright.
I so relate to this, expecially the fact that it can be so much more intimate than sex.If movies, books, bios an nd social media stories are to be believed, many high dollar escorts will not kiss on the mouth unless top dollar is paid and just for that reason. It makes it “real”. You then are, at the very least, temporarily connected. For me, if a guy couldn’t deliver big time on the first kiss, trust me, there wasn’t a second. Remember that first really bad kiss? Oh. Dear. Lord. Damn, now I need to find a kissing mate….… Read more »