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You must remember this, kissing is more than just for lips. For both men and women, a kiss is a beautiful and intimate connection in romantic relationships.
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Do you remember your first real kiss? I do. I had kissed others before, made out with others is probably a better way to put it, but this was my first kiss. The first time I felt the anticipation for hours, felt myself falling in love with him as we watched Chariots of Fire in the theater with the swells of the soundtrack almost too much to bear, the visceral tingle of sitting next to him, the feel of his strong hand in mine, the smell of him next to me. And then after, when I pulled my mother’s beat up Dodge Dart to his house, and I stared forward, I trembled, wondering what he’d do. And I waited. He whispered, but with strength, “Can I steal a kiss?” “You don’t have to steal it,” I said, and he held my face in his hands and his lips met mine and it was the most intimate, most sensual, most incredible kiss ever. I was sixteen. And I can still see it in my mind, and I can still feel it in my heart.
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Kissing is, I believe, one of the most important displays of affection in a romantic relationship; the ultimate in closeness.
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Kissing is, I believe, one of the most important displays of affection in a romantic relationship; the ultimate in closeness. You may be thinking, um, there is something else a little closer: sex. Sexual intimacy, when two people are together, body, mind, and soul connected in the ultimate of ways. I think intercourse is great. When you’re in a romantic relationship, that closeness is beyond compare. It brings two people together in a way nothing else can. But it all starts with a kiss, and it’s not the same without kissing. It’s sex without the personal, intimate, I want to look in your eyes, I want more than your body, I want your soft cheek cupped in my hand or the feel of your unshaven chin scratchy against mine.
Kissing is not only intimate, but it is highly personal. In the movie Pretty Woman, both parties initially make an agreement, they will have sex all week, escort here, there, and everywhere, but no kissing on the mouth. It’s too personal and romantic. And when the plot shifts and they fall in love, they kiss. And when they kiss, everything changes. Yes, I’m referencing a Hollywood movie about a prostitute gone clean, but the point is, they nailed it on the kissing. It’s personal. Kissing is more personal than sex. And in this case, Hollywood has a point. I’m a little more discerning about who I sleep with than any old Richard Gere in an Armani suit, and I don’t tend to have sex with anyone I wouldn’t also want to kiss, but I think you get the point.
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Kissing: The Love Drug – In an article on ABCnews.go.com, psychologists reported that the First Kiss Is More Powerful Than First Sexual Encounter. In fact, up to 90% of people remember details of their first romantic kiss, a memory that is even more powerful than their first sexual encounter.
The nerve endings in lips also activate feelings of closeness and attachment by arousing the brain’s love chemicals such as oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling.
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According to psychologist and licensed clinical social worker LeslieBeth Wish, lips are highly sensitive tissue, with nerve endings that signal reactions such as hot and cold, sharp and soft. The nerve endings in lips also activate feelings of closeness and attachment by arousing the brain’s love chemicals such as oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling. And the chemicals that produce that feeling prompt you to want to kiss more and create more, like a love drug. So kiss away. Casual sex is so common these days, it’s easy to forget how much a kiss can do. Kisses are powerful connectors of the first touch and can overwhelm you with pleasure.
Next: “She carries herself with class. And that is not what you think it means.”
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Great piece Jenny. So few of us take the time to blend research into a fun topic as you have.
Thanks, Michael, appreciate the feedback.
Here is our commenting policy FYI: https://goodmenproject.com/commenting-policy/
“For me, if a guy couldn’t deliver big time on the first kiss, trust me, there wasn’t a second……” So petty, self centered, and immature. So now we judge one another by one very small aspect of that person’s individuality. He might just be a terrific man in need of a little practice.. This line by you represents so much of what is just totally absurd about dating today. Everyone is looking for instant gratification. How about people starting to be more patient and giving? Like much in life that we are good at, it is the result of repetition… Read more »
I believe that many of these “first” kisses of which Jenny speaks happened decades ago before the collective mentality was instant gratification. I’ve given a relationship more opportunities after a not so stellar first kiss, and frankly, I can’t remember many occasions when the kissing compatibility grew very much. Not that the other person was a bad kisser…. he was just a bad kisser for me.
Is there anything men can do to satisfy women? Seriously..
Do women want men’s souls as well? Nothing is ever good enough. There are always additional demands.
I still say it is character that makes the relationship (if you’re interested in one), not how well a person kiss. Further, I too have discovered that just because she has good character does not mean she is good for me.
Unfortunately Jules, I think you’ve missed the point of the piece, and yes, we do want your soul, in that we want the soul connection. Do you want a soul connection with your partner? It’s a shame your tone is so combative because this piece is just a romantic (and scientific) reflection on how kissing is a part of a romantic relationship. In addition, I quote experts, do not necessarily say every opinion is mine, I am sharing information about the study of, history of, and some sweet memories of kissing.
Thanks Lori for being able to read the real meaning of the post. Of course kissing is not the only thing. It is simply the topic of this article, and of course, the memory of a kiss is a lot of what I write about. A relationship is much more than just kissing. And, a “bad” kisser for one person is another person’s best kisser ever. It’s about chemistry in every way.
Jules, I’m not sure where you are quoting about delivering on the first kiss, but that’s not from my piece. I did not write that, and I do not feel that way. This forum is fine for a discussion, but not for name calling such as “petty, immature and self-centered” as you don’t know me. Lori’s comment really sums it up when she says “I’ve given a relationship more opportunities after a not so stellar first kiss, and frankly, I can’t remember many occasions when the kissing compatibility grew very much. Not that the other person was a bad kisser….… Read more »
@ Jenny, “Jules, I’m not sure where you are quoting about delivering on the first kiss, but that’s not from my piece.” See Mary McLarurine comment above. My comment was in direct reply to her remark. I made not such comment about your piece. Yes, I am well aware of the substance of your piece Jenny. I have no issue with it. It is as you say. As I stated, my comment was in direct response to Mary’s that I felt was offensive. Just because the first kiss from a man is not toe curling or amazing, I guess it… Read more »
Fine, I did misunderstand, however you do say, “Same mentality you have Jenny,” so you do in fact seem to be lumping me into the same category. Can you see how I might get that impression? And, you may be a long-time commenter, but in this case you are not following our commenting policy because while you may not be calling me names, you call another commenter names. We are a safe space for everyone to comment and say how they feel. You may disagree and you may even be offended, which you are welcome to say. You do not… Read more »
Duly noted.
Jenny
Jules is actually a gem.
GMP would be boring without him and I love him deeply.
He has a certain style, a very Jules way of talking,and when you get to know him you will see he is a sweet guy that is emotionally honest and bright.
I so relate to this, expecially the fact that it can be so much more intimate than sex.If movies, books, bios an nd social media stories are to be believed, many high dollar escorts will not kiss on the mouth unless top dollar is paid and just for that reason. It makes it “real”. You then are, at the very least, temporarily connected. For me, if a guy couldn’t deliver big time on the first kiss, trust me, there wasn’t a second. Remember that first really bad kiss? Oh. Dear. Lord. Damn, now I need to find a kissing mate….… Read more »