Many guys say they are able to be more creative enough to make positive changes to their career path when they feel like their wife or girlfriend are behind them rather than disappointed with them.
What is the proper amount of hair a man needs to have on his head?
How many times should a guy text his girlfriend each day? What’s the proper unit of time that can pass between these texts before a man violates the rules of proper textiquette?
Who decides how good my job is and whether I’m earning enough for my woman?
Recently I began asking men and women these and many other questions in the hopes that I may find out if we men do better when we’re nurtured or neutered by our women.
I learned some shocking things.
When I began this inquiry, I was seeking some understanding for my work with couples. I help them communicate more often and more effectively. When I heard some of their answers, I realized that I may have stumbled upon something much bigger than I bargained for.
In fact, my conclusion is that many relationships are set up from the start to breed challenges when one or both partners had trouble supporting what the other truly wanted.
One story came from a guy who wanted to get his hair cut short. OK, he wanted to shave his head. And his girlfriend didn’t want him to, so she told him. In a very forceful way. For over an hour, she pounded him to make him change his plans to cut his hair short. He finally did what he wanted anyway, but had to endure her wrath before, during and after.
My conclusion is that many relationships are set up from the start to breed challenges when one or both partners had trouble supporting what the other truly wanted.
In our conversation about it with her, I explained that this guy would not only do what he wanted, but might even be doing so, even more because she told him not to. And furthermore, he might be more apt to work with her on future issues like this is she had supported his decision in the first place.
Another friend gets hammered by his wife for not texting her enough during the day. She is constantly telling him he doesn’t communicate with her enough each day. He texts her back four to six times during an eight hour work day, and she routinely texts him sixteen to twenty times in that eight hours. When she asked me why he ignores her so much, I said if she tried to support his wishes to connect six times versus sixteen, he would enjoy her messages more and she could free up some time to do her own thing during the day.
And the most frequently asked question in my study came from several women who thought their man didn’t earn enough for their liking. When we talked about this further, they all said that “he promised that he would provide for me and he isn’t keeping up his end of the deal.”
Again, I suggested that earning is not always in our hands and from my experience a man who is supported by his woman out-earns his unsupported counterparts every time. I’ve personally experienced this both in my own life and through my work with dozens of close friends and clients. 80% of the guys said they were able to be more creative and relaxed enough to make positive changes to their career path when they felt like their wife or girlfriend was behind them rather than disappointed with them.
Combine this with the added benefit that a supported man is a happier man and nurturing wins every time. In this age of women’s empowerment, it’s more important than ever to be aware of this simple yet often overlooked fact: as much as we men love the guidance of our partners, when it crosses the line from being supportive to becoming destructive, you ultimately end up with a man that’s only a fraction of his former self. When it comes time to stand up for you he may not have the personal power you were attracted to in the first place.