Ready for a real relationship? Stop dating badasses and start looking for a nice guy.
Nice guys get a bad rap. (No, I’m not talking about self-proclaimed “nice guys” who use politeness as currency for sex — I mean actual kind men).
It’s really a shame, considering that truly nice guys are actually hubby material. Nonetheless, they’re almost always ignored or turned down, overlooked and unwanted.
Instead, women will go for the badass — the jerk. A woman will go for the “man of mystery” who will never let her get close enough to truly know.
Women really want nice guys. But they won’t know it for a while — at least, not until they’re ready for a life partner. They still have a lot to learn.
Once a girl becomes a woman and understands what is and isn’t important in life and in a relationship, the nice guy will suddenly become infinitely more appealing.
Girls think that the badass is the diamond in the rough…
…until they realize that “badass” usually translates into “jackass.”
And boy oh boy, are there jackasses in this world.
Women, like men, want excitement in their lives. Women also want someone rare, unique and special. Everybody does. People want what others don’t have because they make them feel special. And since Mom and Dad managed to convince us we’re special, we expect to stay that way.
Women don’t want the nice guy because “nice” sounds a lot like “average.” It’s good, not great; fine, not amazing. Or, at least, that’s how most of us feel.
However, after meeting and dating enough men, most women will realize one thing: It’s much easier to find a jackass.
And that’s when the tables turn.
Unfortunately, this realization usually comes after years and years of dating assh*les and turning down the nice guys. But nice guys get turned down so often that they start to believe being a badass is the way to go.
He wants to be nice. But if women want someone who treats them poorly, he may as well give them what they want. I’m not saying women are to blame, but I’ve seen this happen with my own eyes.
The nice guy is the one girls will seek once they’ve made enough mistakes.
Meeting the right person isn’t about finding someone compatible. It’s about rejecting the people you aren’t meant to date. It’s about becoming the person you need to be to make a relationship work.
People learn by making mistakes. The risks we take — and the failure that so often follows — make us better.
Of course, in life, there is no one to tell us about our mistakes and what we can learn from them.
So when it comes to heartache, we don’t always learn from experience. Because learning is, after all, left up to our interpretation.
Women usually find the “nice guy” after they’ve seen other relationships fail time and time again. The nice guy isn’t appealing until you realize he’s exactly what you need.
Unfortunately, you have to date a lot of assh*les to realize this.
Women eventually realize that nice guys can be exciting and spontaneous with the right woman.
Women assume that jerks will make for a more exciting relationship.
And, to be completely honest, this is often the case. Sometimes nice guys are a bit too nice. They’re guessing that kindness is something all women want.
But that’s not true. No one wants just that.
Everyone wants to feel more. We want to be excited and moved; we know that being in love can make us feel that way.
Well, the badass guy will make a more exciting relationship. But it won’t be exciting in the way you hope. You will be overwhelmed with emotions, but they won’t be positive ones.
The assh*le will make you feel bad about yourself. He’ll make you feel worried and stressed. He’ll convince you that what you’re feeling is love, when in reality it’s far from it.
Your life will certainly be more exciting, but you’re going to hate it. So what’s the point?
Any relationship can be exciting — the good kind of exciting — if both people work on making it so.
It’s not just up to the man to make your relationship more exciting. Women also need to work on making their relationships exciting.
We all want to be swept off our feet, but one-sided relationships always fail. After all, it is a partnership.
If you don’t believe me, go ahead — date the badass. Ignore the nice guy. And then when you change your mind, re-read this article and tell me I’m wrong.
By Paul Hudson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.
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