Workplace Buzzword: “Restroom Lurkers” Crying in the Bathroom

The new workplace buzzword “restroom lurking” names a behavior you might have spotted in your workplace — workers are hiding in the bathroom, because they’re feeling upset, overwhelmed, or just need a break. Peter Duris, CEO and Co-Founder of AI career tool Kickresume has prepared comments on restroom lurking, as well as tips for employees and managers on what to do if people feel the need to hide in the bathroom.

Peter Duris, CEO and Co-Founder of Kickresume, comments:

“In our recent survey, we asked people what kind of unofficial breaks they take at work and 44% said they take “bathroom breaks for peace”. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing — for many of us, if you’re having a stressful day, sometimes all you need is a minute to go somewhere quiet and collect yourself. The restroom is somewhere you can go to get a bit of privacy.

“However, it can be an issue if people are so stressed they feel the need to retreat to the restroom very frequently. It’s even more of a problem if employees are hiding in the bathroom for extended periods, feeling too anxious to come back out. If you notice this happening in your workplace, it can be a sure sign that people feel overwhelmed or unsupported.

“Our study found that while 44% of people are taking breaks in the restroom, women are much more likely to do this at 53%. And while most of these breaks are brief, 10% of workers said they hide in there longer than 10 minutes at a time.”

Tips for employees

• Reflect on why you’re “restroom lurking”: if you realize you’re often hiding in the toilet, take a minute to think about why — is the issue your day-to-day work itself, or are you currently feeling stressed because of something in your life outside of work?
• Be open with your manager. If you’re struggling at work, let your manager know. Talk to them in private about how what you’re experiencing is affecting your ability to work, whether that’s an unmanageable workload or a period of difficult mental health. You don’t have to disclose anything you don’t feel comfortable sharing, but a good manager will want to support you and see if there is something that can be done to make things easier.
• Support your colleagues if you can. If you hear someone crying in the restroom, they might not feel comfortable talking to you about it, but they will probably appreciate it if you gently say, “Hope you’re okay, let me know if I can help.” They might feel embarrassed that someone has seen or heard them crying in the restroom, but a kind word goes a long way.

Tips for managers

• Make time for regular one-on-ones with your team. This will help you check in on people’s wellbeing, by creating a space where they can talk to you in private and raise any issues they’re experiencing.
• Help your team prioritize. If your employees are feeling overwhelmed because it’s extremely busy and they can’t handle the workload, work together with them to identify which tasks need to get done as a matter of urgency, and which can wait. If this happens a lot, it might be the case that you need to advocate for your department to hire more staff.
• Provide a break room if you can, or create an environment where staff know it’s okay to step away from their desks for a break if they need to. If someone seems visibly upset, ask them if they need a minute to themselves. The cause might be work-related, or it could be something in their personal life — and they shouldn’t feel any pressure to explain.