The family’s attorney has said this case is “intended to have an impact beyond a single family or school.”
On Wednesday, the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund announced that it had filed a complaint with the Colorado Civil Rights Division against Eagleside Elementary School and the Fountain-Fort Carson School District on behalf of Coy Mathis, a transgender first-grader who, up until December, was using the girls’ restroom at school. Coy was born with male genitalia, but according to her mother Kathryn Mathis “has identified as female since she could express herself.” Kathryn told CNN that she and her husband were “shocked” when they received a phone call in December to inform them that Coy could, “use the boys’ bathroom, gender-neutral faculty bathrooms or the nurse’s bathroom, but not the girls’ facilities.” She said, “We were very confused because everything was going so well, and they had been so accepting, and all of a sudden it changed and it was very confusing and very upsetting because we knew that, by doing that, [Coy] was going to go back to being unhappy. It was going to set her up for a lot of bad things.”
All throughout Coy’s kindergarten year she had identified as a girl and used the girls’ bathroom with “no problems and no complaints from anyone at the school.” In fact, both her state-issued ID and her passport list her as female. The school district however does not. The districts attorney, W. Kelly Dude said in a statement,
[The district] took into account not only Coy, but other students in the building, their parents and the future impact a boy with male genitals using a girls’ bathroom would have as Coy grew older. However, I’m certain you can appreciate that, as Coy grows older and his male genitals develop along with the rest of his body, at least some parents and students are likely to become uncomfortable with his continued use of the girls’ restroom … The district firmly believes it has acted reasonably and fairly with respect to this issue. However, the district believes the appropriate and proper forum for discussing the issues identified in the charge is through the Division of Civil Rights process. The district is preparing a response to the charge which it will submit to the division. Therefore, the district will not comment further on this matter out of respect for the process which the parents have initiated.
Dude also points out that the Fountain-Fort Carson School District has not violated the Colorado Anti-Discrimination Act. He said, “Coy attends class as all other students, is permitted to wear girls’ clothes and is referred to as the parents have requested.” He also adds that there is currently no legislation in the state of Colorado that requires public schools to allow transgender students “to use restrooms intended for the gender with which they identify.”
The Mathis’ have pulled Coy out of Eagleside and are currently homeschooling her. They were concerned about the attention this would bring and worried that it would make her a target for bullying. Kathryn said, “In the end, we just want what is the best for Coy. We want her to be able to go back to school and be treated equally without discrimination and harassment.” According to Michael Silverman, the attorney from the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund who is representing Coy, this will be the first case that challenges a “restroom restriction” under Colorado’s anti-discrimination act.
Photo: Robert Scoble/Flickr
I’ve been thinking about the conversation in the comments here and I am particularly struck by a sentiment which is basicly, to paraphrase, if you have a penis you use the mens roon and if you have a vagina you use the womens room. As a trans male I am very troubled by this. I am a post op (top surgery) trans man who takes testosterone. This means that I have no breasts, I have full facial hair, I have arm and leg hair, and my voice is below the natural range for a woman. Now according to the logic… Read more »
I do think the whole “men will beat women!” think is overstated. The whole reason men will beat trans women is transphobia, not some sort of pass to be misogynists in their bathroom. And the reason drips of misandry (yes men can be misandrists) and homophobia – because they beat trans women because they see them as failed too-feminine men (and not as women). Even worse, they perceive them as imposters, because of essentialist notions of sex (women have something “special” besides menstruation and hormones, and brain sex identity, which makes them female, and this “special” could NEVER be had… Read more »
Massachusetts passed a law barring discrimination against transgender students in public schools. The state department of education finally released guidelines for implementation of the law about two weeks ago. These guidelines can be found in this 11 page document http://www.doe.mass.edu/ssce/GenderIdentity.pdf From the Boston Globe article: http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2013/02/17/transgender/FHmjIUlSZo0LCMy02xF97M/story.html “…transgender students may use bathrooms, locker rooms, and changing areas for the gender with which they identify, but those who are not comfortable doing so should be provided with alternatives, such as a unisex or nurses station’s bathroom. But transgender students cannot be denied access to their preferred bathroom or locker room because of… Read more »
Lloyd, do you mind if I ask if you had a sense of gender when you were five? Some sense of being a boy?
Speaking for myself, I don’t think I had a sense of gender when I was five. But then, I don’t think I have a sense of gender now. I’m aware that I have a penis, and I remember always having one, but beyond the familiarity which comes from years of exposure to the obvious physical evidence (and of course the way other react to me), I wouldn’t say that I have any further inner sense of maleness. I thus always find it quite mysterious when trans people talk about knowing what gender they really are. Perhaps a clearer account of… Read more »
It’s a body-map feeling, so you won’t know it til you’re missing it. People who are amputee know that their bodymap says their removed limb should still be there, they can even feel pain in the absent limb. It’s similar, and not always about genitals. It’s also about hormones. You’ll know soon enough that hormones are bad for you the moment puberty starts, but all childhood you still have hormones (if only less), so you still have that nagging feeling something BIG is off. You eventually peg it as trans if you have enough information. You might have a glimpse… Read more »
Seconding and thirding, Schala. It’s a huge thing, a real thing and yes young children KNOW something is off/wrong between inner and outer experiences.
Imagine how you would feel wearing a dress. I mean really wearing one, not as a drag outfit, but being told that you had to wear a dress to attend a wedding or formal occassion because it wasn’t appropriate for you to wear slacks. Imagine you have to also grow your hair out and style it like a girls. Imagine everyone referring to you as “she”. Would this feel comfortable to you? I have had a feeling of skin-crawling discomfort about not just my clothes, but my entire body for most of my life. How I feel on the inside… Read more »
Did anyone watch the video? So if an 18-month old decides they want to shave their face like daddy, or their legs like mommy you give them a razor? If they want to drink beer or wine, you let them because you don’t want them to be depressed? On first reading I mistakenly thought the child was born with both sets of genitalia. I reread and was surprised to see he was born a male. How do these parents know this wasn’t just a phase? They jumped on board, full speed and created this problem. An 18-month old is not… Read more »
This isn’t sexual orientation, it’s knowledge of which sex you belong to brain-wise (and brain supplants genitals except for solely-reproductive purposes, no other reason ever to even mention it).
As a trans*man I still always prefer gender neutral, unisex, single stalled bathrooms because it’s less uncomfortable/intimidating/god forbid someone sees that my feet are facing the wrong way in the stall. But this is my choice…if someone, especially someone as young as Coy, wants to use whatever bathroom they prefer, then who really cares. Why are bathrooms such a big deal anyway? The worst part about the whole thing really isn’t even about the bathroom. It’s that the district attorney kept referring to Coy as ‘he’ even though Coy is a girl. Coy has a passport that recognizes her gender.… Read more »
I’m going to nitpick here: The article said Coy identified as a girl all throughout kindergarten. I’m guessing instead that Coy’s doctors recommended that her trans status be disclosed to school officials.
Ha ha, yeah, I guess you’re right… why have bathrooms at all? Just let it all hang out, because you want to. Privacy and modesty be damned… Let’s make everyone “uncomfy” so everyone is equal in discomfort. Makes perfect sense. Maybe you missed the part in the article where the kid is able to use private, unisex bathrooms. So the kid has a penis, biological fact, and wants to use the girl’s bathroom, stalls or not, everyone else’s wishes be damned. Entitlement has gotten out of hand…the individual is now more important than society as a whole. You seem to… Read more »
Imagine, if you will, that when you were a child you were told that you were not a boy, but a girl. You knew all those people were wrong, but for whatever reason they were absolutely determined to call you a girl. You were not allowed to do all the things boys did, but worse, everyone seemed disgusted by you and hated you just because you told them you were a boy. Imagine yourself at five years old being told that you were different from all the other boys, so disturbing to them that you weren’t allowed to enter gendered… Read more »
Who, me? Your post confused me a little…I was not the one who brought up discomfort. My use of that was in response to Schala. Imagine, if you will, that you have a daughter. You send your daughter to a public school, with a reasonable expectation of safety and security. You, and all the other parents of little girls, are told that a biological male is going to be allowed to use bathroom facilities with your daughter and all the rest of the biological females. His and his parents’ wishes are that he not be singled out and made to… Read more »
I’m sorry, I know Schala did, but I was responding to your dismissal of it. I think the misunderstanding here may be over the assumption that the parents are forcing their child to do anything. Trans people are normally forced to not express themselves, especially the ones who figure out their gender early on in life, as this girl seems to have. You did exactly what your boys needed – let them choose their own lives and gender expressions – and it seems that these parents have done the same thing. If she does a bit more self-exploration ten years… Read more »
Actually, I would be really curious to hear what you think would happen to the other girls if Coy were allowed to use the restroom with them.
Tobias, I would be really curious to hear what you think would happen to girls if boys were allowed to use the restroom with them or vice versa. In other words, do you think it is reasonable or warranted for the two sexes to have separate restrooms?
Frankly, no, I can see no utility in it at all. I’ve peed in every kind of bathroom there is and they all stink just the same. But as long as we have the system we have, trans people face a lot of danger, and I prioritize their demonstrated needs.
Jacobtk, as for me I think gender-segregated restrooms are silly, but I recognize that due to U.S. cultural sensitivities the segregation will be maintained for generations to come.
(I’ve visited several nudist resorts in the U.S in my lifetime. Of those I recall only two offering any gender-segregated showers at all, yet every one has had strictly segregated restrooms. I find that curious.)
I wouldn’t say I’m committed to LGBT rights, rather I am against discrimination of anyone. It sucks that you experience discrimination for being who you are. I understand that you have first-hand experience in this discrimination that I do not have, and I probably can’t really know what it is like. I also wonder if you really have compassion for parents who don’t have a say in forced gender mixing when it comes to bathroom use. I assume that is why the school has taken the stance it has, which I think is the right one. It makes reasonable accommodation… Read more »
I think you may be seeing complex problem where there isn’t one. Children are generally raised to see holding hands as non-sexual, a thing that people who are in love with one another do. When they ask you why two men are holding hands you can tell them that the two men love each other, the same way you’d tell them that a man and a woman holding hands love each other. If they say that someone else told them that two men can’t love each other you just tell them that person was mistaken. It’s not a deep social… Read more »
Tobias, I think it seems so simple to you because it is your reality. It seems so normal, and perfectly fine because it probably makes up a lot of your identity. Your perception of the world is your reality, just like it is for everyone else. But for a lot of people, it is not viewed that way. Parenting may seem so simple to you, but it is my reality, and from my perception, it is much more complex. I’m not trying to say I am right and you are wrong, rather our views of the world are much different…what… Read more »
I was just going to thank you for the same thing! It’s been a pleasure talking to you.
The tips I gave above I took from parents who had had those conversations with their kids. May I ask why the issue feels more complex to you?
Tobias, btw, the question about two guys holding hands came from my 8-year-old when we were at the beach. Doesn’t make me uncomfortable, and I just said something like, “Some guys like other guys” or something lame like that–I blew it off. If you’ve ever dealt with kids, you know that one question is never the end. A conversation about homosexuality is not something I think a child of that age is ready to have, and as a parent, that is my prerogative. Instead, we demonstrate through our words and actions respect and tolerance for everyone. Even if I knew… Read more »
Derek, I think Tobias used language that was far more polite and diplomatic than is warranted in your case. You wrote: “I feel bad for this kid, mostly because his parents seem to be forcing a gender identity on him.” This one sentence displays a high level of disrespect (by ignoring the child’s expressed gender identity) and willful ignorance (by insultingly suggesting that this is all her parents’ whim, as if obtaining a Gender Identity Disorder diagnosis were effortless). I also cannot help but notice your sense of entitlement in thinking that society should have the responsibility to protect you… Read more »
Tobias, btw, the question about two guys holding hands came from my 8-year-old when we were at the beach. Doesn’t make me uncomfortable, and I just said something like, “Some guys like other guys” or something lame like that–I blew it off. If you’ve ever dealt with kids, you know that one question is never the end. A conversation about homosexuality is not something I think a child of that age is ready to have, and as a parent, that is my prerogative. Instead, we demonstrate through our words and actions respect and tolerance for everyone. Even if I knew… Read more »
Tobias seems to be intelligent and tolerant of other viewpoints. It seems you are not. Do you have kids? Do you know any 5 and 6 year-olds? I know many, I’ve raised a few, I’ve seen my boys play dress up and play with dolls. No big deal…if you think a child that age has the mental capability to come to the conclusion that the are another gender than they are born, then you are wrong. Are you a child psychologist? If you are, then maybe I’m wrong…here’s the thing…kid’s are pretty stupid. They do and say a lot of… Read more »
Some people, kids included, have a stronger or weaker sense of their own gender than others. I was mostly able to ignore mine (in no small part because my mother was very into the whole “girl power” thing and I didn’t want to be a boy because that would mean being second best), but it hit me full-on when I was a teenager. I remember looking in the mirror and trying to visualize myself in ten years, and all I could think of was a man in a pinstripe suit carrying a briefcase. I still don’t have a strong sense… Read more »
“I still don’t have a strong sense of gender – I identify as “not a woman” more than “a man.” I’m similar. People seem to forget this is gender *dysphoria*, not gender euphoria. I identify extremely strongly as not-male. And somewhat as am-female. Enough to not identify as neither anyways. Being seen as male or female in general society also doesn’t bother me anymore (I’m finishing my 7th year of transition next month April 13th 2005, commemorated by getting my ears pierced, because I knew I’d remember the date then). I am comfortable in who I am. But I will… Read more »
“We were very confused because everything was going so well, and they had been so accepting, and all of a sudden it changed and it was very confusing and very upsetting because we knew that, by doing that, [Coy] was going to go back to being unhappy.” God forbid a child be allowed to be unhappy. Everyone knows that parents’ jobs are to keep children from being unhappy. The school and the state should make any and every accommodation to ensure the uninterrupted happiness of every child under their care. History has proven that unhappy children cannot learn and will… Read more »
” I would gladly give up my first-grade daughter’s right to biological privacy in order to respect Coy’s right to happiness.”
Your daughter’s right to “biological privacy” is on the same level as Coy’s “right to happiness”. Neither is a right.
Discomfort is a fact of life. Making trans students uncomfy on the basis of bigots who think penises are the incarnation of evil is less moral than making cis student uncomfy on the basis of them being in the presence (but not seeing, because stalls) of a penis in the same bathroom.
Staring at women in yoga pants make me happy…
(obvious troll but that’s kind of the point)
Your daughter’s right to “biological privacy” is on the same level as Coy’s “right to happiness”. Neither is a right. Correct, which is what makes this whole argument about there being something wrong with the school barring Coy from using a particular restroom all the more illogical. If it is not a right, then Coy is not entitled to use the girls’ restroom just because it makes Coy “happy” or “comfortable.” Making trans students uncomfy on the basis of bigots who think penises are the incarnation of evil is less moral than making cis student uncomfy on the basis of… Read more »
“Is that really the argument the school made? That penises are the incarnation of evil? No, their argument is that Coy is not a girl but a boy, which is a biological fact, and as per the school’s regulations Coy is not allowed to use the girls’ restroom. I suspect this became an issue because some girl saw Coy’s penis. I do not think there is a moral issue here, just a practical one. However, if there is one, the moral issue is whether one child should be uncomfortable by having to use a separate restroom versus dozens of children… Read more »
Schala, the situation with you as an adult is different from that of a child. I live with children. They are not as careful at maintaining their privacy as adults. Again, I suspect what prompted this was some girl seeing Coy’s penis. It may be that Coy told the girls. We do not know. The easiest way to prevent any further issues, however, is to have Coy use the gender neutral restroom. It solves that particular problem for the moment, and I think it is a better decision then having Coy be home-schooled, which is probably more traumatic given that… Read more »
I think you hit on an important distinction that is often lacking from discussions of trans people, the difference between biological sex and gender; they are not the same thing. For the vast majority of people their biological sex and gender match, no problem; but for trans people this is not the case. You are correct, based on my DNA, I am biologically female, but my gender is male. I don’t “think I’m male”, I am male, and unless you saw me completely naked you would never suspect otherwise (even my ID says I’m male). So again, with bathrooms, is… Read more »
Even further than that Jameson: Biological sex is the brain, genitals are only there for reproductive stuff, nothing else. I’m female, not “biologically male but a woman”. My chromosomes are unlikely to show I’m female, but my DNA could show it somewhere, if we could analyze the entirety of genetic code cheaply. I would argue bathrooms and locker rooms ought to just not be segregated period. Like in Starship Troopers…and some countries in this reality. I see no problem here. Let’s also have accomodations for people who want stalls in communal showers, and single-person facilities for people with religious problems… Read more »
“I live with children. They are not as careful at maintaining their privacy as adults. Again, I suspect what prompted this was some girl seeing Coy’s penis.” I highly doubt that. Not being as careful about nudity doesn’t mean flashing random people. “It may be that Coy told the girls.” Also unlikely. “The easiest way to prevent any further issues, however, is to have Coy use the gender neutral restroom. It solves that particular problem for the moment, and I think it is a better decision then having Coy be home-schooled, which is probably more traumatic given that she has… Read more »
And you can see below that “penises are evil incarnate” IS Derek’s argument (vouching for “the safety” of his cis daughter, because she’s “in danger” when penises are around, right?)
Schala, Derek’s not attacking you. He’s being very polite.
There is a large current of transphobia led by, at least when against trans women, (ironically) misandry. It focuses on “men are naturally violent and sexual, so will rape given the chance”, and thinks that any female ought to be scared of the mere possibility of the presence of a penis in one of the stalls, because the penis owner is bound to bring violence upon them. There’s really no other reason for their reasoning to keep bathrooms sex-segregated. It *used* to be puritanical notions the same Jewish and Islamist culture have about women being seen intimately, but now that… Read more »
I know exactly what you mean. Misogyny and misandry end up punishing trans people in really weird ways. Feminists sometimes cozy up to me because they see me as some kind of cuddly lite-man, and I’m not even sure which mis- that falls under.
In Derek’s case it sounds like he’s less afraid of the mystical penis sword than he is of having to teach his kids something he doesn’t think they’re ready to hear about, so we’re talking through why that is.
Tobias, it sounds like you understand my point. It is not about my comfort level of talking to my kids. It is about how I want to raise MY kids. I feel sorry for anyone who does not have peace and happiness in their lives…we all struggle to varying degrees and it is especially bad when children suffer. And reasonable accommodations should be made. But I don’t feel that gender mixed bathrooms, especially for children is a good thing, and I’m not sorry for feeling that way. I have just as much right to my beliefs as others do. I… Read more »
Comment in moderation
and I’ll add:
I have zero patience for people who support this type of misandric transgynophobia.
I can certainly understand why it would make you feel better to yell at them, but I’m enjoying my conversation with Derek very much, and would honestly like to hear what he sees as the challenges of teaching kids about trans people. That’s not misandric transgynophobia to me.
I don’t yell. I assert myself in a firm manner on a ground that highly matters to me.
If I’m for equality and against double standards for men vs women, I take it even more to heart that trans people be treated well and fairly, given the built-in bias of “asking for special treatment” and “you’re just deluded” often thrown around for trans people.
Having the right pronouns and name is special treatment for some.