Christian Matyi would like to take his shirt off without you psychoanalyzing him, or projecting onto him your own insecurities. Capiche?
Few things I can do are more politically charged than taking off my shirt.
You see, I belong to a visible minority. And like so many minorities, my presence can be unsettling for those who aren’t “used to my kind.” But unlike those minorities defined by more uncontrollable features (disability, skin color), I chose my minority status.
I am a bodybuilder—and not just some sporty guy with a Gold’s Gym membership who wants to show off his boyish abs. I’m a bodybuilder with a capital “B.” You know the type. I’m a big, muscular guy whose proportions are a little more exaggerated than just your average dude who hits the weights. My back is almost as wide as some doorways, and my leg girth converts “loose fit” into “slim fit.” My measurements confound the suit tailors of the world. Everything I’ve done to my shape in the past seventeen-plus years has put me in a minority class. And, frankly, I’m happy to be there.
Unfortunately, some people don’t share my contentedness. I am often bumped—literally shoulder-checked—in crowded supermarkets and laundromats by hipsters and preppy girls who exude an attitude of, “Oh, I didn’t notice your massive frame directly in front of me! Hope the irony of that doesn’t BUG you, Mr. Big-man.”
People seem to want to talk about my body. Often it’s in a derisive way, akin to when people want to mock a silly tattoo: “And what does that symbol mean to you?” they’ll ask condescendingly. “Which tribe, exactly, does that tribal tattoo represent?”
There’s an undertone of blame to their comments. How dare I make people around me self-conscious about their own form?! No one actually says that aloud, but it’s clear from the tone. I hear everything from, “Well, obviously you want people to talk to you about your body” to “I wouldn’t want to go to a beach with you because I couldn’t enjoy my day.”
Statements like these, from friends and strangers alike, are where it gets political. I try to be courteous, but engaging people about body perception only fires up more heat. It’s as if they want to work through all of their male body issues in a cutesy two-minute interaction. My body is seen as an invite for a unique brand of sound-bite, body-image therapy.
The message that often ends up coming across is a weird, chilling Orwellian dictate: The body of a bodybuilder is not his own—it’s public domain, to be used for debate on issues relating to the body. The choice to be a bodybuilder is a forfeiture of unique perception. The bodybuilder has volunteered to become a tool for pop-psychology chatter.
Many people presume that a guy wouldn’t build his muscles past the point of “fashionably normal” unless he has a massive dent in his psyche. Ironically, that’s often true, but that’s a discussion for a future column. The point is that whenever I take off my shirt—or even wear a tank top—this argument breaks out, and opinions spring forth like geysers.
It’s hard for my size not to show. Dress loose, and I look bigger. Dress tight, and I look… well, you get the idea. I am visibly a bodybuilder, and I can’t hide that. (Nor would I, even if I could.) But should I choose to show a little more muscle—maybe a sleeveless shirt, or (gasp!) no shirt on a hot day—these derisively intoned conversations break out.
When the guy in a Starbucks starts play-acting that I’m going to beat him up if he accidentally cuts me in line, it’s not really a compliment. When the woman at a cash register wants to scold me for buying cheese and ice cream—every time I buy cheese and ice cream—it gets monotonous and obnoxious. It feels belittling, not victorious, when I get teased at the beach—at the beach!—for having visible abs, as if my goal is to intentionally make others feel uncomfortable. No one likes to feel like the villain if they haven’t committed the crime, but it’s enough to make a bodybuilder want to go back to being lazy.
I’m not sure when the heroic male form became such a common enemy. But, unlike real political views, the politics of the body are open topics triggered by the “poor slobs” who dare not dress in bags. I’d always though that if I were to be credited with radicalism, it would have involved exploding buildings, fringe political ideals, and clandestine ransom videos. But, alas, the fastest way for me to upset the American norm is to show up shirtless.
—Christian Matyi
I find that I get a similar negative reaction from being when I go jogging past some people. They behave like I’m being a jerk because they feel guilty they aren’t exercising as often as they’d like.
Ah, man, I feel quite sorry for you. You’re starting to understand a little how women feel in their everyday life! If only I could take my shirt off in public without comments.
Males have always wanted to believe that women are not visual creatures. In fact, it turns out women are MORE visual than men. Meaning… we actually care about looks even more than men do. I am not going to look for the source of the study, but it’s out there. Anyways… so it must be VERY unsettling for some males to think that in fact women DO love sex and DO want a good-looking, healthy or fit man. This bodybuilder is not my type per se (more into martial artist type functional muscles), but I will prefer him over any… Read more »
I have this uneasy feeling that you have an agenda.
Hahahaha you were actually standing in front of preppy girls and they were like… jeez man make some room.. LOL…………. the way you turned that around in your head is classic.
Sorry I mean ‘half-naked MEN’ lol…..
That’s right! Women get confronted with images of other (better??) looking women all the time. I am all for fit men walking around naked. And I want billboards with them, magazine covers… I want them everywhere. I am not joking. That way men can just spend their time at the gym and worrying about their weight and I can stop buying make-up 🙂 We need a break. And we need to see more (half) naked women! Why is there no porn for women? I want to see dicks, nice ones!! Everywhere LOL. And REAL lesbians.
I meant to say ‘half naked MEN’.. but half-naked women would be cool too.
You are not a bodybuilder if you do not compete on stage. You are a wannabe bodybuilder.
Let’s be honest, here CM. Nowhere in your article do you mention the tremendous ego boost you get with the positive responses from the babes. And don’t you think of yourself as better than the rest of us that don’t measure up?
While I understand your concern and don’t think it appropriate for anyone to treat anyone else like the way you’ve described some of your interactions with the less muscular inclined, I think all bodies have become political, ever since, at least, late 18th century. The work of Michele Foucault is largely framed around the politicalization. For Foucault as the medical disciplines became more pronounced so did an ideal healthy body. Now all bodies are judged in relation to this ideal body— this judgement is what Foucault called the medical gaze. Add to that a century of advertisement that uses the… Read more »
Yes. Thank you for this comment.
Meh. Put your shirt on and don’t be orange if you don’t want to act out stereotypes and be judged accordingly in casual interaction. I have little sympathy because you see, you are a white, American, affluent male. You have the power to make your self image in a LOT of ways. You can move fairly effortlessly between crowds simply by changing from a fedora to white tank and jeans to a great suit… To shirtless, either where appropriate (the beach, the gym, the backyard) to where you will get stares no matter what your chest looks like (the mall,… Read more »
that was, hands down, the BEST thing ever,… you are FABOLOUS! dont you ever change a bit!
and then i spelled things wrong in my haste to compliment you,.. head smack.
Now that is some perspective. You got me thinking, girl. Thanks for that.
I resent that men are “allowed” to take their shirts off in public when women are not. If I were to see you and your gorgeous body in public, my reaction to it would have everything to do with your taking the male privilege of being shirtless, not because your body is part of the Bodybuilding minority.
Your article was well written, and I genuinely felt you had a reasonable gripe about the the way other treat you with regard to your physical being. However, this was all the way until your line that states “… it’s enough to make a bodybuilder go back to being lazy. ” The implication there is, if you’re not bodybuilding, you are lazy. No, you are normal … average … maybe even overweight or obese, but these things don’t necessarily equate to lazy. While pointing out other’s insecurities, don’t forget to acknowledge your own.
Dude, I LOVE it. Feel free to take off your shirt anytime. I have no problem with this. I’m into fitness, too, and yes, people get weird around you when you get fit. And for everyone who thinks this article is trivial, the Good Men Project is not simply about emo, shy guys telling the world they want love too and they believe in feminism. No…it’s about good men. ALL men. Men speaking their minds on what it is to be a man. It’s okay to be emo, feminist, sensitive guy AND it’s okay to be confident bodybuilder. (And…you can… Read more »
I’m sorry. Was there an article that went with this photo?
Christian: Judging by your well-written post, you’re very intelligent. And judging from your picture, you’re ripped and in terrific shape. So perhaps your overall point was lost on me because all I heard in my head as I was trying to read was “Waaaahhhhh!” Sorry man, but whining about this is just absurd! So people make stupid comments about your body. People make stupid comments all the time, about everything. If it’s not your body, it’ll be some other godforsaken thing. But guess what? It doesn’t matter! If I looked as good as you, I wouldn’t give a shit what… Read more »
I think the second half of the comments on this article proves the author’s point. People make assumptions about the motivation behind something even remotely extreme. And yet someone that spends over an hour every day completing Sudoku puzzles on a bus or train ride is completely acceptable. Aren’t both people engaging in an activity that is an exaggeration of what most people do on a daily basis? The difference is that one person’s “hobby” doesn’t invoke issues of insecurity, and the other does.
LIteracy and eloquence on the web .. what a novel concept. Good luck to you, Christian .. you’ve worked hard to get where you are, and don’t owe an apology to anyone.
I agree.
“John B says:
June 3, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Poor Christian: he works and works and works on his body and then wonders why nobody loves him for his mind.”
John, John, John…..poor, simple, narrow-minded John….lol……..
To know Christian is to love him for the beautiful mind he has, and how he uses it the exact way he should and wants to!
I linked to this from Towleroad and I honestly thought this was an Onion article when I first started reading it. I’m very tall and very skinny (genetics – I eat like a football player or bodybuilder to maintain my 6’4″ 175 pound frame) and I get comments about either or both of those attributes all the time. People generally don’t think before they speak, most people aren’t very smart, and most people are insecure about something or other. These are some of the most basic facts of life and I suggest you come to terms with them.
Hmm… Thought-provoking article and fascinating array of comments. My thoughts, I confess, tend to lean towards the WTF camp on this one… 1. Yes, statistically speaking, you are a minority. But, technically, almost all of us would qualify for minority status based on some choice we make in life (veganism, Star Trek fan, etc), so I don’t think your use of the term is particularly relevant here. 2. Christian: In the spirit of “a picture is worth a thousand words”, did we really need an entire paragraph fawningly describing your physical appearance? I see the photo; it’s quite appealing (although… Read more »
Hey Christian, great article. A lot of what your saying really hit home with me, because I’m a feminist and spend a lot of time reading feminist blogs and such. This really ugly phenomenon of other people thinking that *your* body is somehow *their* business is a problem for men and for women, and it’s great to see a man standing up against it. I’m sorry this is something you’ve had to experience. Especially the hipsters who try to “catch” you for not having enough ~meaning~ in your tattoos! ugh. When my friend gets snidely asked, Why did you get… Read more »
Oh,I loved your comment! :)Seriously
@ Dave: the angel: fabulous. loved every word penned down by you 🙂 let me know where i could catch more of this
What a waste of e-ink.
You should hang with The Situation. He probably understands your douchy pain.
You had my sympathy up to the last paragraph. The phrase “heroic male form” stopped me dead in my tracks.
Perhaps the questions you need to be asking of yourself are: What non-verbal cues might I be projecting? Is it a calm self assurance? Or cocky swagger? Do I treat all people with respect and a friendly smile? Or am I silently assessing their body mass index and wondering whether they are worthy of my attention? Am I projecting a warm personality? Or the chill of an Adonis carved from stone?
If you feel you must go around with your shirt off all the time, could you at least pull your pants up? Or, are you trying to make sure we can all see, be amazed by and comment on the “V” heading into your groin.
Congratulations, Tim. Your bitchy comment made all of Christian’s points beautifully, in just two insipid sentences.
Tim, the answer is…NO.