I'm a Man

I’ve been to Iraq and Afghanistan. I like guns, and going to the range. I like beer and I start every day by drinking Black Rifle Coffee. I love riding motorcycles and jumping out of airplanes.

I grill red meat, I cuss…a lot, and I’ve never had a manicure.

I don’t think my Pitbull should be banned, nor do I think my gay cousin should be discriminated against if he ever decides to get married. I think a woman has a right to choose, but I’d like to see fathers get more involved.

I have tattoos and sometimes a beard, and I like going to Broadway Shows. I spend time in the gym moving heavy shit around, and I also like to dance and love.

I hit the golf ball really far, and often do it while wearing a pink shirt. I can separate Tiger Woods the golfer from Tiger Woods the husband.

But I can’t do that with Bill Cosby or Louis C.K.

I write for The Good Men Project on what it means to be a man post #MeToo, but I don’t believe masculinity is all toxic.

I believe in accountability and “grown-up rules” in which people are responsible for their own choices and actions, but I also realize that historically people have made pretty fucked up decisions and can’t always be trusted to do the right thing.

I don’t like Bernie’s understanding of Economics. I don’t like Hillary for her lack of support for American forces during her time as Secretary of State. I think Trump is an asshole.

I’ve made my share of mistakes, more than my share of mistakes, but that isn’t stopping me from trying to get better every day and attempting to impact the world around me in a positive way.

I don’t shy away from violence, but I never want to be forced to fight in my life again. However, I’d like to think I would’ve ran into the school in Parkland to put others’ safety above my own. I DO wish our country didn’t have to worry about school shootings.

That point may be in conflict with the second sentence in my article, I’m not sure. Or maybe the second sentence is what would allow me to protect others?

My little sister and my best friend were the best men at my wedding because I don’t think traditional rules apply, and we can be whatever the hell we want to be in life.

Here’s the bottom line. Why do we have to choose to fit into any one mold? Why can’t we pick and choose who we are on each individual issue, or in each individual circumstance?

You’ll notice that nothing I said applies to men only (except maybe the beard). But I consider myself a man, and this is how I choose to define my masculinity. These same traits could define someone else’s femininity, and guess what? That’s ok too. Be who you are, and be proud of it. Stand by it, and don’t put others down in the process. To me, that’s what makes someone “good”, no matter who they are.

The concept that all masculinity is toxic is just plain wrong. Our concept of what masculinity is does need to be updated, however. We don’t live in a world where men can’t or won’t talk about what they’re going through anymore. We don’t live in a world where households are one-sided anymore—they’ve become, rightfully so, more of a partnership. We need to embrace the changes around masculinity, just as we need to do with feminism. Sure, both sides have the toxic outliers, but instead of slandering an entire demographic, we need to work together to make all aspects of these cultures healthy and inclusive.