Last night I picked up a passenger who told me a story I hear all the time. She was mid-20’s, unreasonably pretty, with a perpetual movie star smile, long flowing strawberry blonde hair, and smelled like a jasmine garden or something.
She gets in the front seat, which is usually a sign they want to talk. When people get in my car, they have no idea what they’re in for: a counselor moon-lighting as a cab-driver. Within a minute a few well placed questions usually has them opening up and spilling all their beans.
I say, “So, how ARE you?” or “So what’s going on?”, and its off to the races.
People are dying (literally) to have someone listen to them. She tells me she was really shook up because some dude at a bus stop started encroaching on her space, getting inside her comfort zone, asking personal questions, etc. When the bus came and they got on, he followed her to the back and continued, escalating the assault by touching her arm and waist. She got off the bus prematurely to escape, walked home, and was now on her way to drink away her tensions with friends.
I hear a lot of stories every day when I do this gig, but this is the most common: young women being treated badly by men who don’t understand or respect boundaries and feel entitled to mistreat them.
True Story: EVERY Fri/Sat night I end up counseling young women who are leaving bars having been mistreated by some guy they liked. I always feel a responsibility to create a Safe Zone for these women. I was a very aggressive guy in my younger days, so maybe this is my chance to pay off old karma. I pulled out all my best counseling skills, validating her emotions around the experience, acknowledging what a big problem this is, and congratulating her for handling it so well. We talked about why she couldn’t be more forceful in asserting her boundaries. She talked about the fear she (and her “sisters” everywhere) feel in being “too strong” with men.
I’ve found that, outside of NYC and inner cities, many women are afraid to be too direct in asserting their rights with men. They feel intimidated by the prospect of physical violence by scorned men (gee, I wonder why), so they avoid direct confrontation, and men take advantage of that. We talked about how uneducated men are about their own emotions and inner life.
She said, “I wish we could provide education for boys in grade school so they could learn these things before they get big.” Before she got out, I said, “look, you have to get this tension out of your body.” She held up a brown paper bag, smiled and said, “Here’s my drink, I’m gonna get it out with my friends.” I said, “OK, but before you drink, take a deep breath, hold it in for a few moments, then blow it out.” She sat in my car, followed instructions, and released a giant sigh.
Then she looked surprised, said “Wow, that really felt good!” and beaming, thanked me for lifting her up, and left.
I think I did my good deed for the day.
*Names and some details have been changed to protect identities.
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Photo credit:Â Getty Images
