Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer has become a true Holiday classic, more even for its annual animated special than the actual song that inspired it. It’s a thrilling tale of someone who was treated like a freak until everyone realized that his deformity was really a gift and not a curse. That is, if you’re watching it from the point of view of the folks who always got to play in the reindeer games.
But if you’ve ever found yourself in Rudolph’s position the story can just as easily be seen to be about a bunch of jerks who torment someone just because he’s different, only to conveniently forget about what assholes they were when it turns out he can help them when they’re in a jam.
It’s the fantasyland version of the football players suddenly befriending the dude they’ve been giving wedgies and swirlies to after they realize he can help them cheat on their math tests. In the end, he’ll probably agree to help out of the vain hope the wedgies and swirlies will cease, but in his head there will always linger the thought of messing with them by deliberately giving wrong answers.
If you were Rudolph, what would you have done in this situation? Would you have happily taken the lead at Santa’s sleigh and brought Christmas to all the girls and boys? Would you have told jolly St. Nick to stick Christmas up his butt? Or would you have taken the lead and deliberately led everyone behind you to certain doom over the Bermuda Triangle?
About Allan Mott
Allan Mott was once accused of being a narcissistic goth lesbian by a disgruntled Amazon reviewer. That pretty much sums up his writing career (which includes 12 and 1/2 books and frequent contributions to such sites as XOJane, XOJaneUK, Canuxploitation, Bookgasm and Flick Attack,). His most personal writing can be found at VanityFear.com, where he uses the subject of B-Movies to mostly talk about boobs and stuff. Tweet him on the Twitter at @HouseofGlib.
Being the geek I am, I’d do what needs to be done because it needs to be done. After hauling Santa’s hide all over the world, I’d quietly retire to my corner of the North Pole and ask him to leave me alone. We can be on more amicable terms if he apologizes, unprompted, for the terrible things he said about me as a child. I’m assuming the other reindeer were children, so I’d forgive them once we’ve all grown up. I hope that I can apologize and be forgiven for the stupid and mean things I said as a… Read more »
Just bask in the fame. YOU are the most famous reindeer of all time. Does Prancer have his own song? Hell, no. Does Donner have his own movie that’s shown every year? Hell, no. You have more name recognition than all the others combined.
Besides, the best revenge is being the one at the front of the reindeer team:
“If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.” : – )
I am not at all attracted to these particular reindeer, so my answer is not tainted with sexual-preference bias. But if it were, I would say that on the night of Xmas Eve, as Rudolph, I would lead the team, because I don’t want the holiday season to be ruined for the whole world on account of some dumb jocks. Jocks are a lot like terrorists: if we stop doing something because we’re afraid of how they’ll react, then they win. Besides, mean bullying reindeer have their place in the psychosexual hierarchy of the budding mind of a sexually uninhibited… Read more »
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Nyssa23
12 years ago
I would lead the sleigh, but I would make damn sure to negotiate for performance bonuses and a larger stall in my contract.
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KIMMAY
12 years ago
Is there any reason why everyone on the Island of Misfit Toys had to become “useful” in a traditional way to be loved and happy? I mean, why couldn’t they all have just hung out together, started a badass band, toured the world, made all those dudebro deers look MAJORLY uncool? I’m just sayin…
I’d still lead the sleigh. I always hate the whole “I’ll show them” mentality, especially when you’re dealing with a time change. Rudolph was teased when he was younger, but then left and ran away to the Island of Misfit toys were he grew into a full grown deer. Who’s said that the other deer grew up and realized they were jackasses?
Being the geek I am, I’d do what needs to be done because it needs to be done. After hauling Santa’s hide all over the world, I’d quietly retire to my corner of the North Pole and ask him to leave me alone. We can be on more amicable terms if he apologizes, unprompted, for the terrible things he said about me as a child. I’m assuming the other reindeer were children, so I’d forgive them once we’ve all grown up. I hope that I can apologize and be forgiven for the stupid and mean things I said as a… Read more »
You pretty much have to lead the sleigh but I would never let Santa forget it.
Lead for Boys & Girls sake, & Santas sake, but might not trust other reindeer!
Just bask in the fame. YOU are the most famous reindeer of all time. Does Prancer have his own song? Hell, no. Does Donner have his own movie that’s shown every year? Hell, no. You have more name recognition than all the others combined.
Besides, the best revenge is being the one at the front of the reindeer team:
“If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.” : – )
Didn’t consider the Bermuda Triangle option. Let’s go with that.
I am not at all attracted to these particular reindeer, so my answer is not tainted with sexual-preference bias. But if it were, I would say that on the night of Xmas Eve, as Rudolph, I would lead the team, because I don’t want the holiday season to be ruined for the whole world on account of some dumb jocks. Jocks are a lot like terrorists: if we stop doing something because we’re afraid of how they’ll react, then they win. Besides, mean bullying reindeer have their place in the psychosexual hierarchy of the budding mind of a sexually uninhibited… Read more »
I would lead the sleigh, but I would make damn sure to negotiate for performance bonuses and a larger stall in my contract.
Is there any reason why everyone on the Island of Misfit Toys had to become “useful” in a traditional way to be loved and happy? I mean, why couldn’t they all have just hung out together, started a badass band, toured the world, made all those dudebro deers look MAJORLY uncool? I’m just sayin…
I’d still lead the sleigh. I always hate the whole “I’ll show them” mentality, especially when you’re dealing with a time change. Rudolph was teased when he was younger, but then left and ran away to the Island of Misfit toys were he grew into a full grown deer. Who’s said that the other deer grew up and realized they were jackasses?